Bless This Love

by S M Mala

‘I think it’s a sham, your whole relationship with Reverend Isley. Do you think this is going to make people welcome you back into the community?’ Janet Peters began. Suri stroked her stomach and held her breath, knowing all she had to do was sit tight in the car. ‘How did you do it? Trap him?’ Then the woman glanced down at her. ‘Well, that goes without saying.’

  ‘Think what you like. I met Joe through friends and I didn’t trap him.’

  ‘I, personally, think he has made a monumental mistake with you.’

  ‘Why’s that?’

  ‘You’re a liar and not good enough. I told him that, many weeks ago, but he didn’t listen. If it weren’t for you then, my child would be alive. Are you trying to cause more problems?’

  ‘What problem did I cause?’

  ‘Rory.’

  ‘He wasn’t the problem. Your daughter was. I didn’t know until the day of the accident what was going on.’

  ‘He murdered her because she was defending you!’

  ‘She said that on her death bed, did she? Did Felicity ask about Rory? I think she did, and when she was told he was dead, I bet that tipped her over the edge and she gave up.’

  ‘That’s a lie!’

  It was then Suri could smell the alcohol on Janet Peters’ breath and decided it was best to shut up, so as not to distract the angry woman.

  Sitting in silence, they’d got to Hammersmith and Janet Peters decided not to take the scenic route and headed off onto the A4.

  ‘I did some digging around regarding your relationship with Ted. You know him better than you made out. Weren’t you sleeping with him?’

  Suri sat there, unable to answer her question.

  ‘He’s married! What a bloody example are you going to set the parish with your morals? I bet he’s the father of your child, and you’ve trapped Joe.’

  ‘That’s a disgusting thing to say!’

  ‘Just speaking my mind,’ she sneered.

  ‘I didn’t know he was married at the time and-.’

  ‘Does your mother know?’

  ‘What’s she got to do with anything? Did Felicity tell you what she got up to with men?’

  ‘I bet if Felicity were alive, you’d not have had a look in with Reverend Isley. My daughter would never go for a man who was already attached.’

  ‘Really? Then you didn’t know her that well.’

  ‘She was always so much prettier than you and could get anyone. Then you met Rory. Felicity changed because you were squeezing her out. You and Naomi, thick as thieves and my child felt ostracized.’

  ‘We went to different colleges and universities. All of us kept in touch,’ Suri said gently, watching Janet Peters put her foot down on the pedal. ‘Felicity made new friends.’

  ‘Rory McKeown, what was he about? You know he was after her, don’t you? She said as soon as she saw him; she knew he fancied her.’ Janet Peters let out a little laugh. ‘You were going to lose him anyway.’

  ‘Then why is it that when he slept with her, he regretted it?’

  The woman looked at her sharply.

  ‘He was going to break up with you, do you know that? He was biding his time.’

  ‘So you knew what happened between them?’ Suri asked, turning to look at her. ‘You are such a hypocrite!’

  ‘Felicity mentioned they were waiting for the right moment.’ She then took a large breath. ‘Why should you get married and have a family? Why didn’t you die that day?’

  Closing her eyes, Suri didn’t know what to say.

  There was nothing to resolve the issue.

  ‘I didn’t die because Rory loved me and not her. When I confronted him about what Felicity told me that day, he was totally devastated. We were going away. But she didn’t want that to happen.’ Suri watched the car turn off, heading towards the High Road. ‘Her last words to me were ‘I love Rory, and I won’t let you have him.’ And that was after she got a knife and stabbed him. He didn’t want to die, so Rory pulled it out and stabbed her back.’

  ‘That’s a lie!’ Janet Peters screamed. ‘Why are you lying?’

  ‘If you knew about them all this time, why didn’t you tell anyone? I have Rory’s diary, and he states clearly what happened. Stop your rubbish against my mum and me! Start telling the truth! You know what Felicity was like. Just like you, she wanted to get her own way. But she couldn’t.’

  ‘He was going to leave you!’

  ‘We didn’t know at the time but I was carrying his child. I miscarried a few months later and lost everything. Your daughter put paid to that, so she deserved what she got.’

  ‘You fucking little bitch!’ screamed Janet Peters.

  ‘Did she confess on her death bed?’

  Janet Peters looked at her, and Suri then clicked the woman knew all along.

  But it was too late.

  Janet Peters hadn’t spotted the car coming towards them.

  No amount of screaming from Suri could stop it from happening.

  ‘How are you feeling?’

  Suri woke to find herself lying in a brightly lit environment. She touched her stomach, and there were wires attached. The nurse looked down and smiled.

  ‘My baby!’ Suri partially shouted.

  ‘It’s all okay. Your baby is fine.’

  But Suri wasn’t as she threw up from the turmoil, shaking her head from side to side.

  ‘We just need to keep you in for some observations. You don’t seem to have got a knock to your head, but there are some bruises around your chest from the impact of the seat belt.’

  ‘But my baby?’

  ‘Happy as Larry,’ she smiled, and Suri felt semi calm. ‘We scanned, and the little thing looked like they were singing away inside. It’s you we need to make sure is fine. Right now your blood pressure has gone up but I think that’s due to the accident. Just rest up, and the doctor will come and see you.’

  ‘Where’s Joe? Where’s my husband?’

  ‘He’s outside.’ The nurse hesitated. ‘He was in a state.’

  ‘I need to see him,’ she said, bursting into tears. ‘I need Joe.’

  ‘You’ll be with him soon. Just calm down and let’s make sure you’re well.’

  It had taken a few visits from the doctors and some more tests, before they agreed to let Suri go. She hadn’t been allowed to see Joe but knew he was somewhere in the building. Taking her things and being wheeled out, she didn’t want a fuss and walked the rest of the way.

  Then she saw him.

  Sitting down with his hands over his mouth.

  ‘Joe?’ she said and noticed he turned and immediately stood.

  That’s when she broke down in tears as he rushed up to her, hugging her fiercely and kissing her head. Taking her face gently in his hands, she could see he’d been crying.

  ‘Are you feeling a bit better?’ she asked, looking up at his tear stained face. ‘You don’t look it.’

  ‘Suri,’ he said, breaking down. ‘When the police came to the door I thought-.’

  Unable to utter any words, he buried his head on her shoulder and cried before pulling away.

  ‘Let’s go home,’ he said, forcing a smile. ‘I’ll look after you.’

  ‘We won,’ she said, smiling at him. ‘The choir won.’

  ‘And I nearly lost you and the baby,’ Joe gulped. ‘I should have stayed. What happened?’

  ‘Later,’ she replied, not wanting to talk. ‘Let’s just get home.’

  When they arrived, she was pleased he didn’t drive around the green and headed straight to their house. Slowly she walked up the stairs, and he helped her undress and shower, before taking her to bed.

  ‘You sound much better,’ Suri whispered, to kill the heavy silence in the bedroom. ‘You’d have laughed, watching those funny folk jumping up and down.’

  He didn’t respond and smoothed out the duvet, before getting in and switching off the light.

  ‘Whose car were you in?’ he asked quietly, moving closer to her.

  ‘J
anet Peters,’ she whispered, hearing his sharp intake of breath. ‘I’m fine and we’ll sort this out tomorrow.’

  ‘The first thing I thought when the police turned up was that you were dead. It was the way they looked at me. I felt sick, even when they drove me to the hospital, after reassuring me you weren’t. Over and over in my head I realised how much I haven’t seen you since we got married. Me, busy with one thing or another.’

  ‘Joe, don’t say anything,’ she whispered, turning to face him. ‘I’m here.’

  ‘I sat there, waiting. I didn’t know what was going on then I asked to see you. They said you were unconscious, but I begged them to let me see you. The nurse opened the curtain, and you were lying there, as if you were sleeping. They’d put all these things on your tummy, to check the baby was still alive.’ He pressed closer to her, his hand rubbing where the baby lay. ‘I was so scared and then I broke down.’

  Closing his eyes, she saw the teardrops falling down his face, towards the pillow.

  ‘I love you, and I know your work comes first. You don’t have to-.’

  ‘Suri, you come first and so does our baby. Don’t you see? It made me realise I’m trying too hard with everything else and not focussing on what’s important. My family should be a priority, and I’ve let you down.’

  ‘Now you’re talking rubbish,’ she said, feeling a little twinge in her side. ‘This was a one off. I’m never getting into her car again, believe me!’

  But something told her there was more to this. His eyes betrayed his hurt, and she wanted to comfort him. Slowly, she stroked his face and kissed his lips.

  ‘I didn’t think I was going to die, when the car went into the lamp post.’ Immediately she wished she hadn’t said anything. The light outside allowed her to see the horror on his face. ‘I thought, I’m going to thump that cow for being a lying bitch.’

  ‘Your feud got you into this situation.’

  ‘You’ll find her being a cow, did that.’

  Quickly, she wrapped her arms around him, kissing him passionately, and her tongue searching for his.

  ‘Should you be doing this?’ he asked, pulling away. ‘You’ve just been involved in an accident.’

  ‘They didn’t say I couldn’t.’

  ‘I’m not sure if this is-.’

  ‘Make love to me. Show me it doesn’t matter how fat and floppy I am, you still find me attractive.’ Then she bit her lip. ‘Go on. I might be too big in three to four weeks, and you’ll never be able to find my hole.’

  She was met with a loud, instant laugh.

  ‘Okay, but I’m going to be careful.’

  ‘You said that before and managed to impregnate me.’

  He pulled back the covers and rubbed his hand gently over her body. She didn’t flinch when he touched her where the skin hurt. Suri put her hand out and felt him. He wasn’t erect, so she decided to help matters along, by rubbing him slowly.

  ‘You know, after the baby’s born we won’t able to make love for weeks,’ she said, feeling his mouth now touch her skin, working slowly up her tummy. ‘It doesn’t mean I won’t want to.’

  ‘Are you sure we should be doing this?’

  ‘I want you so much, right now. I’m doubly sure.’

  They’d been trying out positions where he didn’t press against her tummy, so she slowly manoeuvred to her side, still tugging away at him. It was beginning to work as things started to grow in the palm of her hand.

  ‘Does that feel okay?’ she asked, his hand now gliding down her thigh before pulling it up.

  ‘You can let go.’

  He pushed up against her, and she felt him budge, before gliding in. It was a little tight because Suri knew she wasn’t ready.

  But she desperately wanted Joe to feel loved.

  His hands went for her breast while his mouth kissed the back of her neck. Slowly, he moved very carefully.

  ‘I love you,’ he whispered again and again. ‘I don’t know how I’d live without you.’

  ‘I know.’

  Suri closed her eyes and felt her tears fall.

  She didn’t know how she’d ever live without him, and that was something she was never going to chance.

  And all the time her husband carefully made love, caressing and fondling her, holding her close with extra love and care, all she could think about was the bitch who could have taken it all away.

  Very much like her daughter had done to her eleven years earlier.

  Suri now realised, Janet Peters knew the truth all along.

  ‘Oh dear.’

  Jack and Joe were sat in her living room the following afternoon. Joe hadn’t asked any more questions since the previous night. It was only when Jack mentioned they had towed away a car in the early hours which was thought to be Janet Peters, did Suri then tell them what happened.

  Neither one looked very happy.

  ‘I got good news today,’ she said, desperately wanting to change the subject. ‘The council have agreed that I can donate a bench for the green along with a plaque on it to commemorate Rory. Obviously, they’re not going to say ‘no’ but at least the church can’t object. How was the celebration last night?’

  ‘She could have killed you,’ Joe said, gulping hard. He’d hardly slept, and Jack looked just as bad. His was down to drinking too much. ‘This is serious.’

  ‘I spoke to the police first thing and told them I have no idea what happened,’ she quietly said. ‘I was honest and said we were having a heated debate. It could have contributed to her being distracted.’

  ‘I dare say I know what that was about,’ whispered Jack, sipping his tea.

  ‘Please don’t tell my mother.’

  ‘Suri, if Mary finds out you were in the car and what happened, I don’t know what she’d do,’ said Jack, shaking his head from side to side then dunking a biscuit in his drink. He then flicked a glance at Joe. ‘I hear after the crash she was breathalysed.’

  ‘Suri!’ shouted Joe, making the pair jump. ‘Why did you get in the car?’

  ‘She stopped and offered, like I said. I wanted to get back home to see if you were okay. It’s only when she went off on one; I realised she’d had some wine.’ Then she sat back on the sofa, rubbing her bump. ‘I held back until she started spouting off again. I can’t be bothered to tell you what she said. Same old rubbish but she knew about Felicity and Rory. And I told her what Felicity told me before she died, and she said I was a liar.’

  ‘I’m going to strangle her,’ said Joe, very quietly. ‘Just because of how she feels about you, doesn’t mean she has the right to take away your life, and the life of our baby!’

  He broke down in tears as Jack put a comforting arm around him.

  ‘You’re very upset. Both of you need to relax today. I’ll find out what’s going on, and then we can try and sort out this mess.’ He turned to look at Suri. ‘People know it’s Janet’s car but they don’t know you were inside… yet.’

  ‘Let’s just keep it to ourselves,’ she said, seeing Joe flash her a disgruntled glance. ‘I want to watch Saturday night television and eat mum’s special lamb curry with my husband.’

  She could tell Jack was worried about the young Vicar as he stood up and gently touched Joe’s head.

  ‘Look after her and yourself. There’s a small gathering after church tomorrow. The choir wants to throw a party to celebrate their success. Right now, I think a few of them don’t know what day of the week it is, neither do I.’

  ‘It’s Saturday,’ smiled Suri, trying to lighten the mood.

  Slowly he walked out, followed by Joe.

  Sitting on the sofa, she recalled the police had told her very little, other than if she detected alcohol on Janet Peters’ breath. Suri was honest to say it wasn’t noticeable at first.

  Joe came back in the room and looked washed out.

  ‘Suri, what are we going to do?’ he asked, taking her hand. ‘Janet Peters will probably concoct something to say it was your fault.’

&nb
sp; ‘I don’t care. She’s the last of my concerns. Can you please go to bed and rest?’

  ‘What did you say to each other?’

  ‘She knew about Felicity wanting Rory, and that pissed me off. She’s spent a decade slagging him off, only for her to know her own flesh and blood was in love with the man.’

  Shaking her head, she didn’t know what else to say.

  ‘I know Joe, you would never harm anyone. It’s your faith that gives you that outlook, and I love that so much about you. But I’m very angry right now, I can’t explain. If the police do their job right, they’ll know she was over the limit.’

  ‘She could have killed you.’

  ‘I told her I was pregnant with Rory’s child, what Felicity said and that she deserved to die.’ Suri watched Joe pull his hands down either side of his face. ‘I’m sorry if you think that makes me a bad person.’

  ‘I can’t tell you how to think and feel. Right now, I have no love in my heart for her. There’s no point me telling you that what you said was unkind.’

  ‘I know but she was unkind to me.’

  ‘Don’t sink to her level.’

  ‘Maybe I was always there.’ Suri stroked her bump and felt a sharp twinge but didn’t say anything. ‘She doesn’t think I deserve marriage, a baby and to have a happy life. That goes beyond hate in many ways. And it’s not grief talking, it’s honesty. Her honesty.’

  ‘Let’s see what the police say and we’ll take it from there.’

  ‘It’s been a long time.’

  Suri was standing outside the church when the Sunday service was going on. She didn’t want to go inside as the rumour mill was in full flow.

  Her mother had found out about the car accident involving Janet Peters. Suri had asked both Jack and Joe not to tell Mary she was in the car.

  Again she suffered another twinge and rubbed her stomach, looking at the plaque laid in memory to Felicity. She read the sentimental words and shook her head.

  ‘You, Felicity, took away all I loved intentionally. For that I will never forgive you,’ she said, looking at a piece of brass attached to wood stuck into the ground. ‘Your mother seems to think she has a right to persecute me to this day. But you’re both wrong.