If I Only Knew

by Corinne Michaels

  “No, but we should,” she admits.

  “Says who, darling?”

  I move my other hand up her back, fastening her to me and her fingers grip my arm. We breathe each other in and I pause.

  Her eyes open. The lust and passion are unbridled. That look is enough to bring a man to his knees.

  I know what she said, but I can’t stop myself. I have to kiss her. I pull her even tighter and bring my lips to hers—even knowing she might pull away.

  Instead, her eyes close, her fingers move up my arms to the back of my neck as she lifts on her toes and she kisses me.

  God, does she ever.

  Gone is the woman who thinks she has any control. Just like the kiss in the car, Danielle is almost wild. Her hands grip the top of my head, holding me to her as if I was going anywhere. My feet move forward, needing the leverage, but we hit the desk.

  My hand hooks under her thigh, lifting her and pushing everything on the desk out of the way. I hear the clanging of things going to the floor, but neither one of us separate to assess the damage.

  I’ve always wanted to do that.

  I kiss her hard, resting my weight on the cold wood desk. Another file goes flying, slapping the ground and she moves herself more center.

  Her eyes are filled with heat, burning for more. I stand in front of her, laid out before me. My imagination did her no justice.

  She’s a fucking Goddess.

  Her hair is spilled around her, her lips slightly swollen from the kiss, and instead of pushing me away, she smiles at me.

  “I’m not stopping if you don’t, understand?” I ask as I climb on top of her.

  “Milo,” she says my name with confliction.

  My thumb brushes across her lips and she parts them so I rub along the opening. “Do you want this?”

  Her eyes fill with so many emotions I can’t keep track. I see the fear, but then it shifts to desire. She’s in her head again and I’m going to pull her out if it’s the last thing I do.

  My mouth replaces my finger on her lip and her leg curls up, hooking around my calf. Yeah, she wants this.

  Her hands travel down my back and I slide my tongue in her mouth, loving the taste of her.

  I kiss her hard, enjoying how much she meets my power. Danielle isn’t timid with me, and I fucking love it. I climb on top of the desk, letting my weight settle with her. “God,” she moans again.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful,” I tell her.

  “More. I want more, Milo.”

  I’m happy to oblige.

  I do what I thought about the entire day and sit up on my knees, looking at that shirt and tearing it open. Her eyes widen, but before she can react, I hook my finger in the middle of her bra and pull it lower, letting her perfect breasts spill out.

  “So fucking perfect,” I praise her again.

  My mouth waters as I lean down and take her nipple in my mouth. I suck, lick, and flick it with my tongue as she arches her back off the desk.

  “Oh my God. Oh fuck,” Danielle pants.

  I need to taste her. All of her. I slide my hand to her legs as I continue to suck her tits. As I make my way back up, I pull her skirt along with it.

  When I find what’s underneath, it’s my turn to be shocked.

  “Commando?”

  She smirks. “Surprised?”

  “Very.”

  Her cheeks turn the loveliest shade of pink and I decide I want to see if they can get redder.

  I get off the desk and her eyes widen. I spread her legs as I get on my knees. “I’m going to enjoy this. Lie down.”

  “Milo.” She starts to protests. I’m not having any of that. I inch her a little further and flatten my tongue, tasting her.

  I watch her head fall back as I do it again and instead of trying to push me away, her fingers are holding me close.

  I’m not sure how long I eat her out, but I could die a happy man right here between her legs. I lick, suck, twirl around, plunging my tongue in her pussy and then back to work on her clit.

  “Oh, yes. Oh, Milo. Right. Yes. Oh! Fuck.” She starts to mutter nonsense and single words as I work her over. “Going. To. Yes!”

  As she falls back on the desk, unable to hold her weight anymore, I sink two fingers in her heat and I swear I could blow my load just from fingering her.

  “Milo!” Danielle screams as she comes—hard.

  I continue to draw out any little bit of pleasure I can, and then she sits up. “I need you.”

  “You need what, sweetheart?”

  “You.”

  “Me to what?” I want to hear it.

  “I want you to fuck me.”

  “I would very much like to as well.” I smile.

  She sits up and then Danielle’s hand is on my belt, undoing it before she repays the favor to my shirt. She rips it apart. Her lips are on my chest as she continues to fumble with my pants. Then, her hand dips down, wrapping around my cock.

  Then, she says the words every man dreams of hearing when a woman grabs his dick for the first time. “Holy shit.”

  I smile, moving my mouth to her ear. “And I know how to use it.”

  I pull my wallet out, fumbling for the condom and then let my trousers pool on the floor.

  “I want to make you feel good.”

  “You do.”

  Her voice is husky when she says, “I think you know what I mean.”

  Well, I have a few ideas . . .

  Then she leans forward, her lips enclose around my cock and I groan, nearly buckling to the floor. “Danielle.” Her name is like a prayer because she is most definitely heaven sent.

  She drops to her knees in front of me, her eyes meeting mine as I hold onto the desk to keep upright.

  “Does it feel good?” she asks.

  “Fucking hell it’s better than good.”

  She smiles, runs her tongue from root to tip and then takes me deep. “Jesus Christ,” I start to sweat as her mouth glides up and down. While I’ve enjoyed my share of blowjobs, nothing compares to this.

  She continues to milk me and as much I would love to continue this, if I don’t get inside of her in a few seconds, I might fucking die. “I need to fuck you. Right now.”

  I pull her up, locking my mouth on hers and devouring her. Our tongues duel and we maneuver her back on the desk. This is far from proper, her dress around her hips, my pants around my ankles, both of us with torn shirts, but there’s nothing proper about fucking your boss.

  I tear the condom open, rolling it down as she stares at me. “Last chance. I’m going to ruin you for any other man.”

  She hooks her hand around my neck, pulling me close. “Do your best.”

  Challenge accepted.

  I grip her hips and push inside.

  Both of us hold onto each other as I rock back and forth. I take her hands, pinning them above her head as we continue to fuck.

  Every sound she makes takes me closer.

  “You feel so good,” I tell her.

  “Please don’t stop,” Danielle begs. “Please. Never stop.”

  If I could stay inside her forever, I would. The feel of her around me is better than I ever could’ve envisioned. We fit together perfectly.

  Her hands slide up my chest and I hold her head to keep her from banging it on the desk, both of us staring into each other’s eyes.

  It becomes overwhelming. The feelings I have in this moment. Danielle’s hand touches my cheek. I tilt my head and it’s all too much, I explode.

  “Fuck!” I call out as I come harder than I knew possible.

  And I realize almost instantly, it’s not her who is ruined, it’s me.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Danielle

  Oh my God.

  I had hot, sweaty, and incredible desk sex with Milo.

  I lie here, with him still inside me, trying not to freak out. It was like I was completely taken over by this horny crazy person who could think of nothing other than having him. Every touch made
me want more. Each time he kissed me, I wanted his lips everywhere.

  Then, when they were . . . I never wanted it to end.

  Milo lifts his head from my breasts and looks down at me. “That was . . .”

  It was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. It was also a thousand lines I should’ve never crossed.

  But when I look at Milo, still feeling his body against mine, the only word I can say is, “everything.”

  As rough as we were, Milo was still doing everything possible to make me comfortable. He cradled my head in his hands as we made love. He kissed me over and over, told me I was beautiful, and I felt cherished.

  He pulls out and I look around at the carnage of my office.

  Jesus Christ. My desk is completely bare except for our bodies. My papers are scattered all around and I’m pretty sure the crash I heard at some point when he was going down on me was the photo of my family that looks like it’s on the floor. Thank God everyone has already gone home and we don’t have to come up with some lie as to how the office got this way.

  Milo pulls his pants up, buttoning them, and I try to cover myself. Seriously, this is a walk of shame like no one has ever seen.

  “You’re not freaking out?” he asks.

  “I am, but I’m not sure what has me freaking out more right now.”

  I want to be honest with him. It’s the only way this will ever work.

  “Okay, tell me.”

  Milo has this tough, jerk exterior, but I think inside, he’s vulnerable and wants to be cared for. It’s why his brother and mother’s low estimation bother him so much. I don’t ever want him to question what I feel for him.

  “I like you, Milo. I like being around you. I like kissing you. I really liked what we just did, but I’m far from uncomplicated. I don’t want to be hurt again. But then . . . I mean, I’m your boss and this is totally against company policy—I think.”

  Milo touches my cheek. “I know the owner.”

  “Funny.”

  I swing my legs over, letting them hang over the desk, and release a heavy sigh.

  “My brother is not a problem here so cross that off your list. What’s next?”

  “Okay . . . what about the fact that I’m a new widow, with two kids, working full-time, who lost her shit a few days ago in the middle of a trial?”

  “Yes, all of those things are true, but I don’t give a damn.”

  “You don’t?”

  “No.”

  I look at him like he’s crazy. “How is that even possible?”

  Milo sits beside me, and he wraps his arm around me. “I’ve lived a selfish life and when I’m around you, I don’t want to anymore. I’m aware of your . . . situation . . . and Parker, Ava, the trial, and anything else you come up with have no bearings on my feelings. If me working here bothers you, I’ll quit.”

  I jerk back. “What?”

  “I’ll quit. I don’t need this job for the money, I’m plenty rich already.”

  My jaw hangs open. If it wasn’t about money, then why the hell is he doing this? Milo did my job for years, he’s definitely the most overqualified assistant ever. It made no sense to me why he continued to show up here, so I assumed it had to be financial.

  “I don’t . . . I don’t understand.”

  “I told you, I’m selfish. I wanted my job back because I never should have lost it. My brother was a prick and I wanted him to get his comeuppance. Mum was driving me nuts so I got on a plane and came here. But, no, it’s not the money I need. It’s the fact that he took it away, and therefore, I wanted it back.”

  “Screw the collateral damage?” I counter, meaning me.

  “In the spirit of this conversation, I’ll answer you honestly. Yes.”

  I get to my feet. I knew that would be the answer, but after what I did, it still stings.

  His hand grips my wrist before I can walk away. “I didn’t know you, Danielle. I didn’t know you even existed.”

  I close my eyes, trying my hardest to stop the crushing emotions threatening to spill over. It’s not just what he said about not even needing the job he tried to take from me, it’s the adrenaline wearing off and looking around at the mess. I had sex for the first time since Peter died.

  Hell, I hadn’t had sex with anyone else since I was freaking twenty-two.

  What the hell did I do?

  Oh my god.

  I grab the desk and lean back. Milo’s arm is around my waist a moment later.

  “Danielle?”

  I look at him and guilt, shame, and regret start to fill me.

  “No.” His jaw ticks. “I see what you’re doing and stop right now. Did you hear nothing that I said?”

  “You don’t get it. I liked it, Milo! I wanted it. I wasn’t thinking like the adult here. I begged you.” I grip my hair. “Jesus Christ. I begged you and I . . .” I blew him.

  I was on my knees with his dick in my mouth.

  I can’t remember the last time I gave Peter a blow job.

  With Milo, I wanted to. I was so turned on by the idea of sucking his dick that I practically begged him to let me.

  “I’m not going to lie and say that doesn’t make me rather happy. But so what? We’re consenting adults that had sex. I don’t see the problem or what has you so upset.”

  No, he wouldn’t. Tears start to well in my eyes and I wrap my arms around my chest. It’s not just about the sex for me. I’ve never been that kind of girl, and I don’t think I ever could be. I’m no prude, but I believe that sex should mean something. I’m old fashioned in some ways, and Milo very much is not.

  I know when I say this, it may not make sense, but maybe this will help us walk away at this point before I’m in too deep.

  “I was married for almost my entire adult life. I would still be married to Peter if he wasn’t dead. I’ve only had sex with one man before him. What we did . . . what we shared just now, that meant something whether you know it or not.” I wipe away a tear and another one forms. “I know that it’s not the same for you. We aren’t anything and you owe me nothing. God, I sound like a crazy person. Please don’t think I’m asking for you to share my views. I don’t need for you to give me any hope for something more.”

  Milo takes a step forward, he wipes the tear from my cheek. “You don’t have to ask me for anything when I’m trying to give it to you,” his voice is filled with tenderness. “My feelings for you aren’t only sexual. Don’t misunderstand, I want to continue to have sex, but I also want more than that.”

  My lips part as I look in his eyes to see if he’s lying. “More?”

  He nods. “Yes, Danielle, more. I’ll be honest, I don’t know what more looks like.”

  “Meaning a relationship?” I ask.

  “Yes, I’ve never been in one before, they do seem quite fascinating.”

  I roll my eyes. “How are you forty-one and never had a girlfriend?”

  Milo smiles, kisses the tip of my nose, and shrugs. “I never found a woman worthy of my affections.” How is it that I like him so much? He’s such a jerk sometimes. “That is until I found you.”

  And then he says shit like that and I’m a puddle.

  “Well.” I uncross my arms and put them around his waist. “I’ll tell you this, you keep saying things like that and it’ll go a long way for you.”

  He laughs and brushes his nose against mine. “Noted. Anything else I should be aware of?”

  “Hmm,” I stretch out the sound as I think. What to tell a guy about how to be in a relationship . . . “I think compliments, flowers, and affection are a must. You should also be aware that you’ll probably not get what you want in the end, and the girl is always right, especially this girl.”

  Milo chuckles. “Is that all?”

  “Well, there are other things, but they should be pretty obvious.”

  “No shagging other women, right?”

  “That’s a given.”

  “And you will not be with another man?” he asks with his brow ra
ised.

  “If that’s what we’re doing, then no. I would never betray the man I was with.”

  “What is it that you want us to be doing?”

  With Peter, we never had time to ease into it. We started dating and then I was pregnant with Ava. There was this whole chunk of time we lost because we didn’t get to really enjoy one another. Here was a chance to pump the brakes.

  “I want to take this slow,” I say. “Not because I’m unsure, but because I have kids to think about, and I want us to enjoy our time getting to know each other.”

  “You know that I’m aware of your children and that they’re part of the deal?”

  “I would hope so. Oh, and my friends, they’re kind of a part of the package too.”

  I might as well get that clear now. Kristin, Heather, and Nicole are pretty much staples in my life. Not that I don’t make my own choices, but I know what comes with their disapproval.

  “Understood.” Milo smiles down at me. “And I like your kids. Ava is a little scary, but Parker is a fantastic kid.”

  “Yes on both counts.”

  “All right, sweetheart. We take this slow. We enjoy each other’s company, and for now, we take it one day at a time, sound good?”

  I run my hand up to his neck and bring his lips to mine. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For making me smile again, even if I was laughing at you some of those times.”

  Milo grins. “I bet I can find other ways to make you smile.”

  “I look forward to finding out.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Danielle

  “So it’s actually a date this time?” Ava asks as she rummages through my closet.

  “No.”

  “But you guys are dating?”

  I sigh. I decided that the best way to get Ava to stop being out of control was to treat her the way she wants to be treated. The last week has been like having my girl back who wasn’t occupied by Satan’s soul. I’m not sure if my new parenting approach is actually working, but I’m going with it for now.

  First thing I did was tell her that Milo and I were seeing each other.

  After her initial round of questions that I’ll never repeat to anyone because I’m scarred for life, she actually got a little excited.