If I Only Knew

by Corinne Michaels

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” Milo’s voice cracks a little.

  His hand slides from my neck down my arm and our fingers tangle. “Do I have yours?” I ask.

  “I think you had it the moment I saw you. Here was this woman, standing tall even when she felt lost. If I only knew you’d turn my world upside down . . .”

  I touch his face with my other hand. “If I only knew the man who wanted to ruin me would end up being the man who put me back together, I would’ve never fought it to begin with.”

  “I’m going to make love to you now,” Milo says as he lays me on the bed.

  Our lips touch and the time for talking is over.

  Milo’s hands graze over my skin and I close my eyes, savoring every touch. He’s soft with me, unlike when we went at it like kids on the desk. Now, I want to take my time with him.

  I moan when his tongue swirls around my nipple before he takes it in his mouth, sucking and flicking it back and forth.

  He slides down my body, trailing his tongue as he goes. I close my eyes, preparing for the onslaught of pleasure he’s about to give me.

  Slowly he makes his way to my core, and then Milo reminds me why I’ve been craving this.

  “Holy shit,” I pant as he starts to use pressure on my clit. My head thrashes back and forth as he continues to drive me crazy. I slide my fingers in his dark hair, trying to ground myself to Earth.

  He’s too good at this.

  If there is such a thing.

  “Milo,” I moan. “Oh, God. Right there. I can’t . . . I’m going to . . . I. Oh. Yes!” I yell as my orgasm rocks through me.

  He climbs back up, kissing me as he does. “I don’t know that I’ll ever tire of doing that.”

  I smile, forcing my eyes open. “I don’t know that I will either.”

  “Well, good thing we have plenty of time for me to give you many more then,” Milo’s voice drips with sex.

  “Lie down, baby,” I instruct.

  “Yes ma’am.”

  He flips on his back and I grab the condom off the nightstand. Once I’ve got it on him, I straddle his hips. My hand rests on his heart and I feel the rapid beating. He’s just as nervous as I am.

  It’s easy to talk about what this means, it’s another to do it.

  “Are you all right?”

  “I will be,” I say as I rock forward, bringing him where I need him.

  I know he’s not asking about the physical part of what we’re doing. We’re in my home, the bed I once shared with my husband, and I can see Milo’s hesitation. I don’t have any, though. This isn’t about anyone else but us right here. The emotions I’m feeling are because I’m overcome with hope.

  Milo wasn’t supposed to be anything to me. I had no plans to fall for someone. But I did, and right now, I’m happy.

  I have to believe that because Peter loved me, he would want that.

  If it were me who was gone, I know I would.

  The tip glides in and I take his face in my hands, forcing my eyes to stay open. I start to move down, each inch filling me little by little as I go slow.

  Milo’s eyes start to close and I stop.

  “I want you to watch this,” I tell him. “I want you to feel the two of us connect physically.”

  “You feel too fucking good.”

  “You fill me up, Milo. In every way.”

  His hands wrap around my hips and pushes me down all the way.

  I can’t take it. I moan so loudly it’s almost embarrassing. “God!”

  He holds onto me, forcing me to move in a slow and deliberate pace. We keep our eyes on each other, not wanting to sever the connection.

  Each time Milo’s hips rotate a little, I damn near lose it. I rock my hips back and forth, my heart full along with my body.

  The pleasure builds with every thrust.

  “I want you to come again,” Milo says through gritted teeth. “I want to feel you around my cock.”

  His thumb presses against my clit and he starts to make circles. “Right there. Milo!”

  I explode again. I fall forward to his chest and then he flips me onto my back. He pushes harder, sweat dripping from his face as I hold onto his arms.

  “You feel so good,” he says between thrusts. “I’m almost there. Keep your eyes on me.”

  A wash of pleasure covers his face as he orgasms.

  After we clean up, we snuggle up, my head on his shoulder as he runs his fingers against my spine.

  “I never thought I’d enjoy this,” Milo muses.

  “Cuddling?”

  “Yes.” He kisses my forehead. “I always felt it was rather stupid, but I can see the appeal now.”

  I lift my head, resting my chin on my hand. “I’m just special.”

  “I don’t deny that.”

  “When did you know?” I ask.

  Milo shifts his head, his eyes narrowing as if he’s deep in thought. “I’m not sure. I believe it was when I thought you were going to jail for creating disorder in the court and I wouldn’t need to fight for my job.”

  I laugh. “You’re an idiot. I couldn’t believe you thought that.”

  “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Because . . . I don’t know.”

  Milo chuckles. “Fab answer, sweetheart.”

  “Fab answer, sweetheart,” I mock him.

  “Keep it up and you’ll get a proper spanking.”

  I roll my eyes. “You’ll regret that.”

  “Oh, will I?” Milo asks.

  “I hit back.”

  He raises one brow. “I might like you when you’re a bit naughty.”

  I laugh. “You have problems.”

  “You have no idea.”

  “Yeah?” I push him a little. “Like what?”

  He sighs. “Well, I’m falling in love with my boss, which is a problem since my mission was to take her down. It leaves me in a rather precarious situation since I either need to quit my job and find something more suitable for my skill set, or stay on as her “bitch”, as she so called me.”

  Did he just . . . did he say . . . I think he said he’s falling in love with me. I swear I heard it.

  After that, I wasn’t paying attention to anything else that came out of his mouth. He said love. I know he did.

  My heart is beating faster as I try to wrap my mind around his admission. Do I love him? Am I falling in love with him? The answer is yes to the second, but there’s so much to figure out.

  “Why do you look like you’re ready to run?” Milo asks.

  “I’m not.” I shake my head.

  “Lie.”

  I release a deep breath and sit up, pulling the sheet with me. “You said you were falling in love with me.”

  He pushes up, and nods once. “I thought that was rather obvious.”

  “Obvious how?”

  “Do I look like a bloke who would want to come watch a film on your sofa rather than be at the pub? Or that I would have my Mum send my old comics from London when I wasn’t feeling like more than fucking? I assure you, Danielle, that’s not the man I am.”

  “It’s just . . . you said it.”

  Milo watches me and then finally speaks. “I did because it’s true.”

  I touch his hand. “I’m falling in love with you too.”

  He runs his hand from my shoulder to my fingers. “Now that we have that straight, what do we do about everything else?”

  “I don’t know,” I confess.

  I really don’t. What can we do?

  “I’ll quit.”

  “What?” I pull my hand back. “Why would you say that’s the answer?”

  “Because I can. Let’s be honest, I’m a little overqualified to be your assistant. Besides, you don’t even make me do half the shit I forced my assistant to do.” Milo grins.

  I put my hand up. “I don’t want to know.”

  “I didn’t ask her to do that,” he clarifies.

  Glad to know.

  “Still, quitting isn’t the answer for eithe
r of us.”

  I can’t quit. Milo shouldn’t either. He and his brother need this time, whether he understands that or not. Their relationship has been strained for so long, and seeing each other at work has given them a small bridge.

  If one would just cross it, that would be great.

  “Well, I’m not going to sneak around as if we’re doing something scandalous. Although . . . fucking my boss is rather dirty.”

  “You’re an ass.”

  “I like your arse, sweetheart.”

  I roll my eyes. “You’ll never see it again if you quit.”

  He lies back, still finding a way to touch my skin. “Then what is your plan?”

  “I don’t have one!” I laugh. “This is why we’re talking it through.”

  “I’m more of an action guy. Talking is fucking boring.”

  How does he function in life? I wonder sometimes. But this is why he and Callum disagree. I need to have details so I can make the best decision possible. I’m not a bull in a china shop, trampling everything.

  Freaking men.

  “Regardless, we need to try to find the best solution. You need this job, Milo.”

  He scoffs. “You and my brother bloody wish I did.”

  “How are you working here?” I decide it’s time to lead him to a real answer.

  “Are you fucking with me?”

  “No. I’m asking how is it that you’re able to work for Dovetail?”

  Seriously, I can’t wait for the answer to slap him in the face.

  “My brother is the owner!”

  “Yes,” I sigh. “And are you an American?”

  Milo rubs his temples. “Clearly not.”

  “Right. So, again, how do you get to stay in America, Milo?”

  He takes a second to actually think about what I’m saying and I then his eyes flash with awareness.

  “Fuck! I have to work for that bastard because I need the damn work Visa.”

  Ding, ding, ding.

  “Yeah, so sit for a minute and let’s find a way around this.” His mouth opens and I don’t even need him to speak. I lift my hand to his lips to stop him before he can utter a word. “Don’t even say we should get married because we are nowhere close to that.”

  “Fine.”

  I try not to laugh but his petulant face is making it hard.

  “Milo, if and when you and I ever get to that point, it won’t be because you don’t want to hide the fact that we’re dating at the office. It should be because we can’t live without each other.”

  He grabs my arms, pulling me to his chest and I squeak. “Who says I can live without you?” he replies.

  Now he’s just crazy. “I don’t doubt the idea of living without me is hard. I’m kind of awesome, but let’s not go there, okay?”

  “All right, but only if you kiss me.”

  Now that I can do.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Milo

  “I’m happy, Mum. I really like her.” It’s been twenty minutes of her carrying on about Callum and I abandoning her. I swear, she was never this dramatic when we were little boys. What happened?

  “I’m happy for you, but that doesn’t mean I want both my boys that far away,” she keeps on.

  “I’m not coming back to London anytime soon, but maybe you could come for holiday in a few months? There’s a big barbeque you might enjoy. Plus, don’t you want to come see Colin?”

  Her first grandson, you’d think she would’ve moved in with my brother by now.

  “Maybe,” she sighs.

  “It would mean a lot to us. I think you’d get on with her quite well. She has a daughter and son who have never had real English chocolate.”

  She doesn’t say anything, but I can hear her smile. Mum spent twenty years working for Cadbury. Sweets are her weakness, and the idea that she can share something with them that she loves might just be the ticket.

  “I guess I don’t have a choice then.”

  I grin. “I guess not.”

  “You like this girl, Milo?”

  I sit in my chair, looking out at the skyline of Tampa, thinking of her. “I think I love her, Mum.”

  She gasps. “Oh.”

  “I know, I don’t know what’s come over me, but she’s amazing and brilliant. When I’m away from her I want to be near her. When she’s close, I don’t want to leave.”

  Mum sniffs and then starts blubbering. “Oh, darling. I’m so happy for you. It’s just . . . it’s wonderful.”

  “So you’ll come here for a visit?”

  “Yes. I want to meet this girl,” she laughs. “I’ll ring you soon.”

  “Goodnight, Mum.”

  “Goodnight, Milo. I love you very much, no matter what you think of me.”

  She disconnects the phone before I can reply, but it makes me happy to know she’s on board.

  I send a quick text to Callum.

  * * *

  Me: Mum is going to come for holiday.

  * * *

  Callum: How did you manage that one? She told me to sod off.

  * * *

  I smile at the opportunity he’s given me.

  * * *

  Me: Because I’m the favourite. She just wanted to pad your ego by letting you think you were better than me. News Flash: You’re not.

  * * *

  Callum: Fuck off.

  * * *

  Me: Mature, brother. Anyway, I’ll let you know when I have more information.

  * * *

  Callum: Sounds good.

  * * *

  I have something else I need to talk to Callum about. Instead of doing it over the phone or text, I think it should be done in person.

  * * *

  Me: Can I stop over?

  * * *

  Callum: Is everything all right?

  * * *

  Me: Yes, you fucking nosey bastard, can I come or not?

  * * *

  Callum: Yes, fine, come by.

  * * *

  Such a prick.

  I get in my car and drive the ten minutes to his house. He and Nicole live in a similar flat. He’s just closer to the water.

  Nervous energy fills me as I get to his door. I’m going to quit—again.

  The first time went down like a lead balloon. I can’t wait to see how this time goes. Even though the bastard has been hoping for this moment, he only seems to prefer it when it’s on his terms.

  I knock once, and Nicole answers. “The prodigal brother returns.”

  “Hello,” I say and then kiss her cheek.

  “I hear your mom is coming to see us?”

  Good news travels fast. “I asked her to come over Fourth of July. She’ll stay with you of course.”

  Nicole laughs. “Of course. Not like you have room or complete quiet. She should definitely stay here with our full house. Maybe she’ll sleep on the couch?”

  Callum walks in rubbing his neck. “Enough, Nic. We have plenty of room.” He kisses her temple. “Plus, I get to enjoy watching you behave for once while she’s here.”

  “Yes. I love having to be nice to you because that woman scares me.”

  “Our Mum? She scares you?” I laugh. “That’s ridiculous.”

  Nicole glares at me. “Yeah, she doesn’t love me like she does you two idiots.”

  This is true, but she’s far from scary. She’s sweet, when you’re on her good side.

  “Give her time. She’s old and set in her ways,” I tell her.

  “Whatever,” Nicole huffs. “I’ll let you two talk, I’m going to take Colin for a walk.”

  “Be careful,” Callum’s voice is sharper than before. I can see the protective instinct start to rise inside him.

  She rolls her eyes. “Relax, it’s Tampa and . . .”

  “And your best friend’s husband was shot here not that long ago,” Cal finishes.

  “That wasn’t random, babe, but okay. We’ll be careful.”

  Nicole winks at me and then struts out of the room. />
  “Want a pint?” Callum asks.

  “Sure.”

  We head inside and once again I’m amazed at the way this place looks. Mine is simple and has very little furniture, where Cal has more shit than he could ever want. I’m sure if my wife were an interior designer, I’d be living like this too, instead of the bachelor pad I’m currently occupying.

  Still, no matter how many times I’ve been here, it knocks you on your arse.

  Callum pops the top and hands it to me. This is going to be bloody painful. I drain the drink in less than a minute, almost slamming the bottle down.

  “This can’t be good,” he says as he scratches his head. “Out with it.”

  “I quit.”

  Subtlety was never my strong suit.

  “You quit?”

  “Yes.”

  He shakes his head. “Okay. Why?”

  There are a multitude of reasons, but Callum in all his faults has always been honest with me. I feel I owe him the same in this instance.

  “Because I’m falling in love with my boss and I don’t think it’ll be a good look for us if I stay on.”

  “You’re in love?” he laughs. “You?”

  “Fuck off, mate. Yes. I don’t know why you find that funny.”

  Callum shrugs and then hands me another bottle. “Because you’ve always been so against love, as if it made you weak.”

  “It does!” I yell. “I’m quitting my fucking job because of her.”

  He releases a deep breath through his nose and nods. “I moved my company to America for Nicole. But you can’t quit, Milo.”

  “You don’t get to make that choice.”

  “No,” he agrees. “But there’s another option—” His phone rings and he puts his finger up. “Hello?”

  I grumble.

  “Milo.” Callum grips my arm when I start to walk out the room. “Yes. I understand. I’ll let Milo know. Of course,” I hear the panic. “Text me all the details.”