Beefcakes

by Katana Collins

  Then he stood and slid his arms beneath my body to lift me into his arms, cradling me. “Why don’t we go see what other parts of your body taste like?”

  I squealed as he carried me off to the bedroom.

  The next day, Liam and I were finishing up at the bakery when Finn, Addy, and Mom all walked in. I had just finished mopping, and Liam was next to me, counting the money in the register. We had just finished baking tomorrow’s orders, and a few dozen cupcakes were currently in the oven.

  “Hey, troublemakers!” I said, coming around the counter and giving Mom and Addy a kiss on the cheek. Liam was right behind me. “How’d today’s appointment go?”

  Finn and Mom exchanged glances, and Addy just looked at her pointy-toe shoes, scuffing them across the wood planks of my floor. My stomach bottomed out.

  “What?” I whispered, all traces of lighthearted humor gone.

  “What happened?” Liam asked, clearly sensing the mood as well.

  Mom smiled, but it was strained. After all this time, I could tell the difference. “Let’s all sit down,” she said. She barely got the words out before I pulled a few chairs down off a table and set them up, holding one out for Mom to sit first.

  “What’s going on?” I pressed once we were all seated. I might crawl out of my skin if they made us wait another moment.

  “My scans came back. While many of my tumors are shrinking and significantly smaller than before, there is one that has not gotten smaller,” Mom said. She kept her face even… unemotional.

  Addy’s lip trembled, and she bit down on it in what looked like an effort to stop its quivering. Reaching across the table, I draped one hand over Mom’s and the other over Addy’s. “What does that mean?” I glanced at Finn, who was bouncing his knee beneath the table.

  “They need to operate on it,” he said.

  Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Inside, I was panicking. But I knew that, on the outside, I needed to remain calm.

  “What sort of surgery?” Liam asked.

  Mom swallowed and looked up into my eyes first, then Liam’s. Her green eyes were moist with a sheen of unshed tears. “A single mastectomy.” she held out her hand, as though this simple movement could steady her children.

  A tear slipped down Addy’s cheek, and she quickly swiped it away with the back of her hand. “And then more chemo?”

  Mom shrugged. “Maybe. After the surgery heals, they’ll do more scans and we’ll see. But the surgery might take care of it.”

  Despite this terrible news, Mom smiled. A real smile this time. “Hey,” she squeezed my hand back. “Admittedly, this isn’t great news. But it’s also not the worst. Remember when I was first diagnosed, they suggested a double mastectomy? Well the chemo took care of half the problem. As a family, we decided to try the less invasive route and opted to wait on surgery because it was only stage two cancer. Well, it’s now downsized to stage one, but not eradicated yet. Hence, the surgery.” She released my hand and put an arm around Addy, shifting so that she was holding Liam’s hand now. “This is okay,” she added and held my gaze. So many unspoken words were within that sentence. She needed me to be strong. She needed me to advocate for her. It had always been my role in the family.

  I nodded. “Mom’s right,” I whispered. “We knew this was a possibility, even though we had hoped for remission with chemo alone. Sometimes life has other plans.”

  One by one, I held my sibling’s gazes. Yes, we were all upset, but right now we needed to be strong… for Mom. Lastly, I looked at Liam, whose bright green eyes held mine a moment longer, and he gave a quick, short nod.

  We could cry later. We could lean on each other another time when Mom wasn’t here trying to hold strong for us. She’d done that already for twenty-plus years after Dad left. Now it was our turn to be strong for her. “So,” I said, “Single mastectomy with breast reconstruction?”

  Mom seemed to clam up at what I said.

  “No reconstruction,” she shook her head. “Just the mastectomy.”

  Well, that was curious. A few months ago, when we were discussing treatment plans, Mom had been all for the reconstruction. She said she wouldn’t quite feel like herself with no breasts. And that was back when both were going to be removed. Just one? It seemed strange that she had changed her mind. “Far be it from me to question your choice here, Mom… but it wasn’t that long ago that you wanted reconstruction.”

  Addy’s face twisted as well, and she nodded. “Yeah, won’t you feel… I don’t know… lopsided?”

  Mom laughed at that, throwing her head back, and the sound was like a balm for my nerves. High-pitched and joyful, it gave me hope in an otherwise solemn conversation.

  My youngest brother took a deep breath and shook his head. “Mom had seemed like she wanted the reconstruction at the doctor’s office—”

  “Finn,” Mom cautioned, but he kept right on talking, ignoring her protest.

  “Until he brought up the cost,” Finn finished and glanced contritely at Mom who was now scowling at him. He gestured to his siblings. “They have a right to know.”

  After a moment, Mom’s face softened. “We’re already in enough debt,” she said. “Surgery is necessary, but reconstruction is not. I can always choose to do it later if we find ourselves with more money.”

  “Mom—”

  She put her hand up, shushing me. “Don’t you ‘Mom’ me. This is my choice. And frankly, we don’t know if I’m in the clear yet. What if the cancer comes back after surgery? What if I have to go through another round of chemo and have my other breast removed? At this point, I would almost rather chop them both off and call it a day. Damn things aren’t good to me anymore, anyway.” She waved at her breasts as though they were a nuisance. A fly to be swatted from her body.

  Slowly, we all chuckled at that, and her smile spread slowly across her face. “That’s more like it,” she whispered. “I promise that after I’m in remission, I’ll consider the reconstruction.”

  “But…” Addy started to speak carefully, pressing her lips together when we all shot her a look. She held out her hands, palms up. “Look, I’m just going to throw out another perspective for you to consider,” she said to Mom. “You have a few weeks to decide, right?”

  Mom nodded. “They’re going to schedule my surgery in two weeks.”

  “Okay,” Addy said. “So, in those two weeks, just think about it. Because if it’s the money thing… well, in the long run, it’s more expensive to do the reconstructive surgery later. It’s actually cheaper to do it while you’re already sedated, and the hospital stay is already covered by insurance.”

  I nodded. “She’s right, Mom.”

  Mom gave a thoughtful sigh and nodded. “I’ll think about it. I promise.”

  Well, that was all we could ask for.

  The door to the bakery chimed, and I looked up to see Elaina walking in with a paper bag of groceries. “Hey,” I said, clapping my hands together. “Mom was supposed to come over tonight to have dinner with us.” I gestured at Elaina and me, and she seemed a little caught off guard to find my whole family somberly sitting at a table. “Why don’t we make it a whole family thing? When was the last time we were all together for a dinner?”

  Finn snorted a laugh. “Literally last Sunday. We do this weekly when your show airs.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I meant a non-Bake It or Break It family event. No TV will be on. It’ll just be us and some good food and maybe a little wine. Yeah?”

  Elaina beamed. “That sounds fun.” She set the bag of groceries down and stared at them briefly. “I may have to go get a few more ingredients, but that’s not a problem.” Then she hitched her thumb over her shoulder. “I’m just going to hit the restroom.”

  Addy crossed her arms and, leaning back in her chair, glared at Elaina as she walked into the back kitchen. “Just us? Us and… Lainey, too?”

  I narrowed my eyes at my sister. What the hell was going on with her? “Elaina will be there. She’s my girlfriend and she live
s with me.”

  Addy’s scowl deepened, while Finn’s, on the other hand, lifted into a bewildered expression. He leaned forward, dropping his voice to a whisper. “Wow… so this thing is serious? It’s not just like, for the show or something?”

  Liam snorted, shaking his head. “Wow. You two have not been paying attention at all if you think this is all just for the show.”

  Addy rolled her eyes again. “Well, we’re not around them as much as you are, Liam. We aren’t running the bakery with Neil.”

  I shook my head. “It’s not just for the show. Elaina’s here to stay… at least until she chooses not to be.”

  “Great,” Addy grunted.

  “Addison,” Mom scolded.

  Addy huffed a sigh and shook her head. “Look, it’s not like I hate Elaina or anything…”

  The room fell silent as Elaina walked out of the bathroom at that moment. My eyes fluttered closed and I stifled a groan. With everything going on and mom’s impending surgery and the six-figure dollar amount being dangled in front of me… the last thing I needed was Addy and Elaina at odds with each other.

  Elaina blinked and cautiously moved closer to the table. “Oh, come on, Addy. Don’t lie.” She didn’t seem upset—if anything, her voice had an eerie calm to it. “Tell the truth. You hate me… a little.”

  Addy had the decency to look embarrassed, her cheeks flushing red. But when Addy was confronted, she rarely backed down. Instead, she pinched her fingers together, glaring at Elaina. “Just a touch.”

  Elaina reached over and nudged Addy’s fingers open into a wider pinch. “That’s probably more like it, right?” Then, she sighed. “Why? Because I didn’t stay the party girl? Because I grew up and stopped dying the tips of my hair pink? Traded my crop tops for business suits?”

  Addy shook her head. “It has nothing to do with stupid high school stuff,” she said. “Look, we just had this big family… thing…” Addy stole a quick glance at Mom before she continued. “And I guess I was just hoping it could be just us… just the family tonight. For once.”

  My insides softened, hearing Addy say that. I’d been spending a lot of time with Elaina recently, but I didn’t think Addy felt so left out. Even still… my sister was out of line. I stood, crossing over to Elaina, and I put my hand on her back.

  Elaina glanced carefully from Addy to me, then to my Mom, before she answered. “I can understand that.” A sad smile flicked against the corners of Elaina’s mouth. “Really, I can. You guys have your family dinner, and I’ll catch up with you all on Sunday when the show airs—”

  “No,” Mom snapped, her voice firm.

  Elaina jumped, leaning into me, and Addy seemed to flinch in her seat. “What?” Elaina asked.

  “No,” Mom repeated. “Elaina, you are part of this family now, too, and I want you at our dinner.” Then, she turned in her seat and faced Addy. “Addison, families grow as you get older. Your siblings and you may be finding life partners and spouses. Those people become part of this family, too, and I am not going to sit by and watch as you alienate each other. If you don’t like the person Neil loves, you need to find a way to fix it. Especially since I know Elaina. She’s a good person. And it’s not her fault that your bar exceeded the damn noise ordinance and you got hit with those fines.”

  “Mom!” Addy’s jaw dropped.

  “Is that what this is about? The stupid noise ordinance?” Elaina exclaimed. “That was years ago, Addy!”

  Addy threw her hands in the air. “It wasn’t just the fines. You didn’t approve the permit for the expansion of my karaoke bar!”

  Finn shook his head and murmured, “Wow, chicks fight over some petty bullshit.”

  Addy’s eyes narrowed, and she sent him a scowl as Elaina said, “That’s not up to me, either! The city council votes on those proposals, Addy.”

  “Yeah, but everyone knows you’ve got the council and your daddy wrapped around your little finger. You can convince your dad to sign off on stuff if you want to. And if you don’t want to… well…” Addy gestured at me and Liam. “Look at how you tried to get Beefcakes shut down at first.”

  Elaina sighed. “That was not my finest hour,” she admitted. “But your bar only has 800 square feet. You need at least a thousand square feet inside to qualify for the capacity of people and parking you were asking for. It’s a zoning issue, and a city ordinance, and not something I can change.”

  Addy rolled her eyes. “Yeah right. You find loopholes for friends all the time.”

  “Like who?”

  “Kandi’s candy store. You let her pave that giant patio in the back even though she only has three parking spaces.”

  Elaina pinched the bridge of her nose. “Outdoor space doesn’t count toward square footage. Look… I don’t find loopholes for people. But a lot of businesses come to me and ask me to consult on their proposals before they go to the Mayor’s office. That is something I’d be happy to do for you as well—but you never asked. You wouldn’t even consider a conversation with me. An additional two hundred square feet is easy to build, and you have enough extra land—the town would approve that.”

  Addy looked skeptically at Elaina, her eyes flicking to me briefly. “They would?”

  “Yes.” Elaina threw her hands up, exasperated, and let them fall at her thighs. “That’s what I tried to tell you months ago, but you wouldn’t listen.”

  Addy’s scarlet cheeks impossibly managed to turn even more red, and she pushed off the table, standing. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry, Elaina. I think… I’ve just been holding onto this grudge for so long.”

  Elaina blew out a breath and looked at me. I smiled down at her, wondering if I was supposed to jump in or not. Then again, Elaina seemed like she had it covered.

  “Yeah, I know.” She held out her arms to Addy. “Can we go back to being friends now?”

  “Yeah,” she said. “I’d like that. And I’m sorry I was being such a bitch. Mom’s right… stay and have dinner with us.” Hesitantly, Addy stepped forward and hugged her. “And maybe I can convince you to temporarily dye your hair pink… for Halloween or something?”

  “Don’t push it,” Elaina grumbled.

  Less than a week later, we were at Elaina’s parents’ house, this time watching the semi-final episode of Bake it or Break it. We stood in the kitchen, Elaina in a conversation with her sister and my brother, while I leaned against the cool, marble countertop across the room. Mayor Dyker was saying something about the spike in tourism since the start of the show, but truthfully? I was barely listening. My eyes were locked onto Elaina. The way she nibbled her bottom lip when she was deep in thought. The nervous tick that she had when she would push her smooth hair behind her ear… even when it was already neatly tucked away.

  “What do you think?” Mayor Dyker asked me. I snapped out of it, jerking my gaze back to him.

  “Uh… yeah.” I nodded, trying my best to recollect what he’d just been saying.

  His brows shot up, and a smile ticked at the corners of his mouth. “You don’t get to be mayor without knowing when a person isn’t listening to you, son.”

  I winced. What was wrong with me? This was the father of the woman I loved. I should be hanging onto every word like they were pearls of wisdom to string together. “Sorry, sir,” I offered.

  His eyes flicked to Elaina, and his smile widened. “It’s okay. I was saying that if this healthcare clinic project goes through, you and Liam should consider one of those cupcake vending machines they have in Boston.”

  My brows dipped. “What?”

  “You make cupcakes with ingredients that are better for cancer patients, right? You could sell them in a vending machine at the clinic. You could put it near the cafeteria or the lobby and fill it every morning. You’d make a killing and with very little overhead.”

  “That’s…” Holy shit. “That’s genius.”

  Mayor Dyker shrugged. “Eh. I was a businessman before I was politician.”

  I can’t believe I
didn’t think of that myself. “Of course, it’s up to Mom. That might not be something she wants to manage when she comes back to work.”

  His brows softened as he glanced across the room to where my mom was engaged with his wife in some conversation. Mom looked more tired than usual. But then again, it was late for her. By nine o’clock, she was usually in her pajamas, ready for bed. “You sure she’s going to want to take the place back over?”

  I hadn’t thought of that. I’d just always assumed she would come back. That Liam and I were temporary managers until she was back on her feet.

  Mayor Dyker immediately started back-peddling and put his hands out. “Not that I don’t think she could. Your mother is strong, and I have no doubt she’ll be healthy enough to run the bakery again soon. I just wonder if she’ll want to.”

  “I guess we haven’t really talked about that,” I said quietly.

  Mayor Dyker winced and put a heavy hand on my shoulder. “I didn’t mean to bring the mood down.”

  I shook my head. “No. It’s okay… it’s something we haven’t really thought about and… and maybe we should think about it. Have the hard conversation while things are good rather than in turmoil.”

  Mayor Dyker nodded, and that heavy hand gave my shoulder a squeeze. He tapped his martini glass to the neck of my beer bottle. “You’re a good kid. Even if you did leave my daughter, at eighteen, crying on graduation day.”

  Damn. He was brutal tonight. He nudged me with his elbow. “Oh, come on. I’m joking. You were just kids. And if she can forgive you, then I certainly can, too.”

  I breathed a little easier at that. Mayor Dyker had a dark sense of humor… which normally I liked. But in the father of my girlfriend? It was more than a little unnerving.

  My phone buzzed in my back pocket. I tugged it free and saw Jude’s name blinking on the screen. “I’m sorry—” I said to the Mayor.

  “Go ahead.” He nodded. “I’ll get the TV started before the show begins.”