Sand dollar

by Hollye Davis

  By the time art arrived, Cloe was in such a bad mood she refused to talk to anyone. Kim sent her the squinty-eyed death glares and Jody looked as if she was going to start crying. She ignored them both.

  She skipped lunch not wanting to deal with more death glares from Kim or the guilt of making sweet Jody sad. Instead she went to the library to do some more catch up work. By the end of the day, she walked straight to the bus and got on. Cole and Kim glared at her as the bus drove by his pick-up. She closed her eyes and disappeared.

  Her day was so horrible she couldn’t wait until she got up the stairs into the sanctity of her cottage. She dropped her bag on the floor, shucking out of her light jacket, as she walked through the front door when it hit her. Edwin was there. She looked up into his bright blue eyes, his fist clinched to his sides. She wanted to turn and run but it was too late.

  He was angry.

  He held up her necklace in his visibly shaking hand.

  “Why? I mean that little to you?” She looked at the wall, her vision blurring.

  “I can’t have reminders of you Edwin,” she choked out.

  “I got a call from Jeff, he said you fired him.”

  “Yes, I need to learn to deal without anyone.”

  “Cole called and said you refused to ride with him.”

  “Yes.”

  “Christoph told me that you didn’t want to be his friend anymore.”

  “Yes.” She confessed still looking at the wall.

  Edwin’s voice was getting closer but she didn’t move. Even though he hadn’t touched her, she could feel him everywhere.

  “I can’t live without you, Cloe.” She wouldn’t look at him. She couldn’t look at him. She didn’t believe him. He was a liar. She needed to remember that.

  He touched her face and she turned her head. His eyes held so much sorrow, so much feeling.

  “I love you so much. I’m dying inside, I’m afraid I’m no one without you.” She watched as he lowered his head slowly to her. She was torn. She wanted his touch as much as she wanted her next breath, but he was a liar and this wasn’t healthy. His lips touched hers and she thought she would die. She didn’t move. He pulled her closer and kissed her more deeply. She moaned when his tongue entered her mouth. She was a weak idiot.

  She wrenched away on a sob.

  “You can’t do this Edwin, you don’t have the right!” She was crying, “I love you so much and you made it dirty!” She pushed at his chest. “I hate you! You lied to me!” and she ran to her room slamming the door. She climbed on her bed and cried.

  A while later, or maybe a few minutes, she wasn’t sure, it felt like a lifetime, a knock sounded on her door. Before she could answer it cracked open. Her aunt peeked in and asked tentatively, “May I come in?”

  “Yes.”

  “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Edwin left a few minutes ago. I was surprised to find him here. He was on the couch with his head in his hands. His eyes were bloodshot and he wouldn’t talk to me. Did you guys have an argument?”

  Cloe nodded.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  She shook her head. Aunt climbed into her bed and Cloe crawled into her lap. Her aunt cradled her head and rocked her.

  “I love you Cloe more than anything. I can’t imagine loving a daughter more. I want you to know I’m always here for you. I’m only human and I’ll make mistakes but I’ll try to be the best for you. I understand the heartbreak and betrayal you feel. I loved someone very deeply once and it ended horribly. I don’t think I have ever gotten over it. I didn’t have anyone that was there for me at the time. I think if I did I could’ve healed better. I want you to know if you ever need anything, I’m here. Okay?”

  Cloe nodded a sense of security filled her, “I love you, Aunt. Thank you.” Silly insignificant words but all Cloe could manage at the moment.

  When the darkest shadow swallows the sky and the sun seems to never show again, I don’t despair anymore. The cloud will pass or crack to show the brilliance behind it when I least expect it. I must keep faith.

  - Cloe’s diary

  Chapter 19 The Fight The next day at school didn’t seem to be any improvement to the previous day. Cole tried to give her a ride that she refused and Jeff wouldn’t go away. She ignored them all.

  Kim was still angry at her but she was slowly softening. Jody was confused. Kim was being a really great friend by not telling anyone about who she had been dating. Cloe was still humiliated that she dated a guy for over half a year and never knew he was famous.

  With second period over she started down the hall spotting Jody in the distance. Cloe quickened her pace to talk to her, to at least clue her in that she broke up with Edwin.

  However about halfway to Jody, Britney appeared. Cloe watched horrified as Britney shoved Jody into the lockers causing her to drop all her books.

  It was like one of those strange things in life you hear people talk about. Where everything around you seems to stop and your vision goes into hyper-focus on one detail. In this case the detail was Britney and how Cloe was going to beat her ass.

  Taking huge strides she walked straight up to Britney and pushed her so hard that she fell to the ground.

  “How does it feel whore? Why don’t you go and pick on someone your own size. Like me?” Cloe stepped on her hand, “How does it feel to be defenseless?” She taunted her. She removed her foot from her hand allowing Britney to rise again so she could shove her right back down again.

  “It isn’t a lot of fun is it Britney?” Britney was getting pissed but Cloe didn’t care. When Britney got up this time, Close grabbed her by her shirt and shoved her against the lockers.

  “You know who I am Britney?” She said inches from her face, “I’m someone who has had just about enough of your crap. You can do what you want to me, but you leave my friends alone.” She shoved her again against the locker releasing her. This time Britney didn’t fall but came after her with claws drawn.

  Cloe was ready.

  When Britney went for her face, Cloe moved out of the way and tripped her to the ground. Britney sprung back up and launched herself at her again, which was the perfect opportunity for Cloe to grab her hair and punched her in the stomach.

  People were all around not saying anything, not doing anything. She went for another hit with her fist when suddenly she was being pulled from behind.

  Damn it but she wasn’t through. She wanted to show the bitch what it felt like. Thrashing she landed a kick on Britney somewhere soft before she was completely removed, physically carried out of the crowd and down the hall. She twisted to see who was dragging her and was surprised it was Jeff.

  “What the hell?” she asked.

  “You needed to get out of there before the teachers came. They were on the way.”

  “Oh. You can put her down now.” He did, she straightened her clothes and started walking to an unknown destination. When she felt she was far enough away to take a breath without them finding her right away, she stopped and leaned against the lockers, Jeff followed.

  “God, I feel so ashamed Jeff. I shouldn’t have done that but when that bitch shoved Jody, something just snapped. I’ve not been myself lately and that was the last straw. I’m so tired of being taken advantage of.” She put her head down and covered her eyes with her hand.

  “Don’t be sorry Cloe, anyone of us would have done the same thing. You were just the closest.”

  The bell rang singling the start of the next period, neither of them moved. She needed to go to class but was afraid to. She knew the office will be calling and she just didn’t want to deal with that…or anything.

  Turning to Jeff she asked if he would walk her to the public bus stop. He nodded. He waited until she was safely on the bus before returning to school.

  When Cloe arrived at the cottage she was surprised to find her aunt was there.

  “Hey, is everything all right?” Cloe asked softly. Aunt turned immediately and came running to
her and gave her a hug.

  “You must have gotten a call from school.” Cloe stated.

  “Yes, they’re looking for you. They said something about you attacking some student.”

  “Yes, Britney after she knocked Jody into some lockers.”

  “Oh Cloe. I’m sure you had your reasons but why didn’t you stay in school?” Aunt asked.

  “Because that idiot Vice Principal will find a way to blame me and make Britney sound wonderful and I just couldn’t bear it today.”

  “Well you don’t have to, but tomorrow you will. We will go in together. I will make sure they don’t crucify you.”

  “Thanks Aunt.”

  Walking to her room she sat on her bed and started going through her backpack for her cell phone. She wanted to make sure Jody was okay so. She hadn’t used the cell phone since the awful day she found out about Edwin. The first message that came on the screen was said the voicemail was full. After she cleared that it said that her message box was full. She went to her message box saw 150 texts from Christoph, Edwin, Sandra, Christine, and Penelope. There were a few from Kim and Jody. She hit delete all and got rid of them. It was the past, she needed to move on.

  She called Jody.

  “Oh my God Cloe, things are crazy here” Jody said excitedly.

  “Are you okay?” Cloe asked.

  “Oh yeah, of course. People are like ‘bout time someone stood up to that bitch Britney’ and Cloe is awesome.”

  Cloe listened as Jody yammered on about how Britney left school after the next period. Finally, Jody wound down and Cloe hung up the phone.

  She was ashamed at what she had done. It was beneath her, no matter what the rest of the school thought.

  Do you know how many times had I wished I could have rewound a moment and had the perfect comeback, or how many times I wished I defended myself when I didn’t? But with anything, you better be careful what you wish for because when you are able to react as you always wished you could, it might not have the outcome you imagined.

  -Cloe’s diary

  Chapter 20

  Setting the Record Straight The next day her aunt and her went to school to meet with the Vice Principal. They sat in the ass’s office and listened how it was inappropriate behavior to act in such a way, in sum that she should’ve turned the other cheek. Cloe had enough, “If you would have just done your job and stopped this harassment when I got beat up, then this would have never happen.”

  The Vice Principal was shocked by her out- burst as it was the first time she had ever said anything besides agree with him.

  He sputtered out, “Now you listen, young lady.”

  Cloe interrupted him, “No, now you listen, I have sat here in this office while you have made every excuse in the world to justify how Britney has treated me and I’m sick of it. I think you need to reassess your little star cheerleader and ask HER why she evokes me to attack her. Maybe a lecture about how if you don’t make waves in a school then people won’t bother you or some tripe you have told me in the past!”

  “Well young miss you are asking to be expelled with an attitude like that,” the Vice Principal threatened.

  “If you don’t think that I couldn’t test out of school at this moment you’re crazy. The only reason I am here is because I want to get into college. I carry a 3.8 GPA and I don’t cause trouble. I may not do drama and I may not be a cheerleader, but I do keep your ratings up. You need to sit back and really think about threatening expulsion. I can make your life a lot harder when you have to explain why you expelled an honor student whose only crime is that she finally defended herself against a bully because the administration wouldn’t do anything about it.”

  As the Vice Principal sputtered Aunt jumped in, “I think that we have said enough here. I’m sure that you’ll be talking to Britney about her behavior after this won’t you? Cloe has suffered enough around here and I think that is sufficient punishment. I don’t think we need to talk about this anymore.” With that Aunt got up and Cloe followed.

  They made their way out of the office and down the hall. When they got a good distance Aunt turned around to her and said, “I’m so proud of you Cloe. Don’t misunderstand me, you should always be respectful to authority figures, but it was time to defend yourself. That guy was a royal ass.” They both laughed and hugged. Aunt drove her to the cottage forgoing school for another day.

  Cloe was feeling good for the first time in a long time. She hummed as she went to her room and picked up her phone. She started dialing Edwin when she remembered that Edwin and her were no more. The pain hit her so hard that she had to sit down. How could she have forgotten?

  Reaching between her mattresses she pulled out the magazine. It was sad it was the only pictures she had of Edwin. She gazed at the picture, mourned him. She opened to his interview and reread some of the interview questions again.

  When she finished she sat back staring at the ceiling thinking about all the times they had talked. She thought about the late night fires.

  She realized how stupid she was for never asking him personal questions. She sat there all night thinking about Edwin.

  She thought about his ridiculous jealousy against Cole. She laughed and that reminded her she laughed a lot when he was with him. She thought about when she first arrived in California and how damaged she was. Edwin took his time helping her get over her past. He never judged her or thought less of her because of her insecurities. Why would he waste his time if this weren’t real to him? She thought about how torn up he was at the hospital and how he cried. She thought about him with her necklace. Edwin may have withheld part of his life with her, but he had given every bit of his love to her. When the light began to shine through her glass doors she had come to one conclusion, her life sucked without him.

  The next day she couldn’t bring herself to go to school. She couldn’t face Britney and her group of morons. She tried to be busy but nothing held any kind of appeal. Cooking certainly didn’t tempt her. How could you cook if you didn’t want to eat?

  Sometime during the morning she decided she couldn’t do this anymore. She didn’t want to go forward without him and she decided that she rather live with him then continue in the same vein. Edwin had done so much for her, more than her own parents, grandparents, more than anyone sans her aunt.

  She at least owed him one chance.

  She may be stupid, probably an idiot, but she knew that she couldn’t live a full life without Edwin.

  With her mind made up, she called a cab to deliver her to the set of Chardonnay. The cab driver looked as if she had lost her mind, but she didn’t care. She was sure teenagers had been trying to get on the set of Chardonnay for as long as the show had run. The chances of her making it through the gate were slim, but she had to try. She owed him a visit in person. It took her a few minutes to get enough nerve to get out of the taxi but when she did she gaped at the great big entrance. A huge billboard of Edwin and her friends stared down from her at the entrance of a large walkway. How blind she had been, he was everywhere. She walked up to what looked like guard shack.

  The place was as secure as the military installation in Germany. Her heart pounded, every instinct told her to flee but she repeated to herself she could do this. If she can stand up to that idiot Vice Principal, she can request entrance to a closed set. So she walked up to the gate guard who looked at her wearily.

  Squaring her shoulders she asked sweetly, “Would you please ring Ed…Jason Edwin Corbin McRoy for me?”

  He laughed and answered, “Sure, I’ll get right on that.”

  Yeah, she should’ve known. She tried again, “Please, it won’t hurt anything. Just tell him that Cloe Carter is here to see him. I think he’ll allow me to come in.”

  He muttered something about one-night stands thinking they were privileged but she chose to ignore it. He was looking at his clipboard then he said, “What’s your name again?”

  She repeated it to him.

  “Do you have a
ny identification on you?” She pulled out her school ID. Then he muttered, “Well I’ll be damned, you’re on the list.”

  “Excuse me?” She asked surprised. He ignored the question and handed her a visitor’s pass and said, “You’ll find them in there.” He pointed toward metal doors down an alley.

  She felt her heart pounding its way up her throat trying to escape, she swallowed hoping to stop it. She pushed through two heavy metal gray doors that were marked with Chardonnay Cast Only sign hoping she wouldn’t be shot on the spot.

  It was so dark inside that it took her a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dark interior. She heard, “Cut! Take a break while we set up the next scene guys.”

  Momentarily routed in spot she forced her legs to move forward. She stepped over thick extension cords following the noise when someone stepped out of the shadows nearly sending her into cardiac arrest.

  “Can I help you?” An older man, in his early thirties, gazed at her sternly. Her hand was covered over her heart as if the action would somehow slow it down.

  It took her a few starts but eventually she spoke, “Yes, could you tell her where I could find Edwin,” she shook her head and amended, “I mean Jason?”

  “Who are you?”

  “A sight for sore eyes,” Christoph emerged from the shadows. “It’s okay Ted, she is someone very important,” he said as he gave her a hug. “I could recognize that accent from anywhere.”

  “Is he here?” Her nerves were beyond frayed and she didn’t know how much her heart could stand this abuse.

  “Yep, follow me,” Christoph said as he grabbed her elbow.

  Through some miracle they made our way through total chaos. From what she could tell, filming was messy business. Cords were everywhere and props of some sort were lying haphazardly around. How could anyone work in conditions like this? But despite all the mess, she had to admit she was a little awe struck. There were huge cameras that were positioned around a bedroom. The bedroom looked like a typical teenager bedroom, but instead of being in a house it was in the middle of black mess.