Where the Heart Lies

by Amanda Ray

  Lily barely mentioned him since he left. Her mom never brought him up when I was around either -which was almost always. I would occasionally hear them on phone calls but never asked questions or intruded.

  I blinked a few times making sure I wasn't dreaming. Giving myself a little pinch, I let out a huge sigh.

  Nope.

  Not dreaming.

  He was real. And he was there. Standing right in front of me. Tall, about six-two, muscular, and covered in tattoos. I only got a glimpse of the back of him but I knew it was him. Lily must have seen me because she pushed passed Jesse and grabbed my arm. "Come on, let's not let him ruin your birthday." Lily pulled me toward the pool, interrupting my stares. I raised my eyebrow confused, "How could he ruin my birthday? Don't you want to see him?"

  "No," She spit the words at me, "Let's just celebrate you and we can leave him to do what he does best.....leave." I studied her, trying to gage if she was serious. She was. "Ok, let's go back in the pool." I wanted her to have fun for my birthday but I couldn't help my deep curiosity. Why was he here? Why show up now, after so long? And did Deb know that he was coming? Lily obviously didn't. And on all days he had to come for my birthday.

  Chapter 6

  The sun was setting and the fire pit was blazing, giving us the perfect summer vibe. We were all still in our swimsuits sitting around the fire laughing, talking and playing games. I had beaten everyone in Jenga three times and got a swift throw in the pool when Chris and Jeremiah couldn't take my bragging about it. Lily had grabbed some glow sticks and threw them in the pool, giving the night a fun club atmosphere, before putting on the twinkling lights outside.

  We were all lost in each other and the fun that we hadn't noticed Jesse was still there. He had gone inside the house after the initial reunion and hadn't been seen since. Lily hadn’t mentioned him the rest of the night other than that he was staying a few days this time.

  "Let's play spin the bottle," Chris announced with a big smile on his face, begging for us to say yes. I looked over at Lily who was smirking back, waiting for me to answer. Jeremiah looked at me awaiting my answer too. The words trapped on my tongue, the pressure from everyone's eyes drilling into me making my mouth dry. I wanted nothing more than to kiss Jeremiah but did I want to kiss him while playing a game? Did I want to potentially kiss his best friend - my best friend's boyfriend?

  "Okay," I shrugged, caving to the pressure. I made my way into the house to find us the perfect bottle to spin, shocked to find Jesse sitting on the couch, a book in his hand, his arm draped across the back. From the angle you could see the definition in his forearms and the black ink peeking out from the top of his sleeve. Failing to keep quiet, he turned around and our eyes met. His gorgeous blues - like the ocean, crystal blue and sparkling. I could get lost staring into them. His eyes screamed confidence, cockiness. I could tell just from the one look that all he had to do was look at a girl and she would fall at his feet but there was something else. Something hidden deep. They were filled with so much pain, so much loss.

  He was lost.

  "Hey." Jesse shot me a smile and my heart skipped a beat at his deep manly voice and sparkling teeth. Returning his smile I turned to hide my blushing face and continued my search for the bottle, "Hey."

  "What are you doing?" I made eye contact with him, seeing it as an invitation he got up from the couch to come over where I was. Jesse sat at the island watching me rummage through the cabinets.

  "We're going to play spin the bottle so I'm looking for the right kind of bottle."

  I felt almost embarrassed. Jesse was twenty-two and I was there talking about playing spin the bottle on my birthday. How childish! I looked up at his sculpted face, his fingers rubbing over his brown stubble on his cheeks. A shiver shot down my spine at the sight. Jesse smiled at me like he could tell what he was doing to my body.

  "That's cool." He made his way over to me. Inches away from my face, he bent down, our noses almost touching, "But you know if you really want to kiss someone, you shouldn't need a game to do it.” My breath hitched,my heart pounding a million miles a second. Jesse smirked, straightening his back he handed me a bottle that he grabbed from behind me. How the hell did I miss that? Was I so distracted by him that I missed the empty wine bottle placed right in front of my face on the counter?

  Yup!

  I took the bottle from his hand and looked up at him again through my lashes. Whoa. Stunning wasn’t even the word to describe the man who stood before me. Crystal blue glistening eyes, his perfect square jawline coated in three days worth of stubble. Light brown hair, -only enhancing his gorgeous eyes more - tattoos covering his entire left arm and peeking out of his shirt on his right arm and through his white t-shirt I could see what looked like perfectly sculpted abs. I felt a warm sensation in my stomach and between my legs. I jumped at the sound of someone opening the door, looking over my shoulder I saw Lily. "Why are you bothering her?" Just then the haze of arousal left me and I started to think clearly.

  Oh.

  My.

  God.

  This is Lily's brother. Why am I letting myself swoon over him! I stopped myself from crushing on him long ago and when he left I thought I was finally over him. I wanted to hit myself in the head.

  Oh no. My mind quickly remembered Jeremiah. Jeremiah who was outside. Jeremiah my something.

  "I'm just gonna go outside," I coughed out.

  "Hey, where's the bottle?" Jeremiah asked, confused when I stepped outside. "You ok?" his confusion turned to worry. I answered immediately, "Yea, of course! Sorry, I left it inside. Maybe we can play a different game?" I smiled trying to convince them to change their minds. They looked at each other and shrugged.

  "Sure, what do you want to do, it's your birthday." Jeremiah looked at me with his head cocked, wondering why I was smiling like an idiot.

  "Let's play twister!"

  Jeremiah and Chris looked at each other, squinting their eyes, trying to understand why I was so excited. "Okay," Chris drawled out, waiting for me to elaborate.

  "You know, twister, you spin the thing and land on the color and we all get, well, twisted up."

  They laughed in unison, "Yea, we know what twister is," Chris answered.

  "Well, Lily and I play with paint. Our body's get covered and it's harder to stay on the mat because it's so slippery. It's one of my favorite games!" The excitement was clear in my voice.

  "Alright birthday girl! Lets play twister!" Jeremiah grabbed me, pulling me in for a hug, a smile across his face. He kissed my cheek and my whole body tensed at the contact. I felt his warmth surrounding my body and I melted into him, throwing my arms around his neck. I wanted more. So much more. He pulled his head back so our eyes could meet and I smiled.

  "Okay," I whispered, bringing my gaze down to his lips. Waiting. Wanting. I just wanted him to take me. Kiss me. This was right. This was who I was supposed to be crushing on.

  "So, what are we doing?" Lily's voice took me from my moment. Her voice was high, excited. Her hands on her hips looking at all of us. "Well, Freya said she wanted to play twister but she's a little busy not moving in Jeremiah's arms, so I don't know what's going on." Chris said pointing a look at us and I hastily pulled myself out of Jeremiah's arms. I didn't miss the death glare Jeremiah threw him.

  "Let's go get the mat and the paint Lil." Grabbing her arm to take us away from the tension, we made our way back to the house to get everything. We could have kissed! We should have kissed! But instead I headed back to the house, back to the guy...the other guy....who just put my stomach in knots. What in the world was going on!

  The sun was gone but the weather was still warm. The game was set up and everyone was still in their bathing suits, the lights twinkling around us just enough for us to see. "I'm red!" Lily yelled jumping on the mat. I laughed and yelled back, "I'm blue!"

  "I guess I'll be yellow and you can be green, Jere," Chris gestured getting closer to me. Jeremiah rolled his eyes and gave him a look that cou
ld burn through someone's skin. When we had gone in the house earlier Jesse was nowhere to be found and my nerves had calmed. I assumed that Jesse would be the only issue of the night but watching Jeremiah be possessive over a simple game made me think that anyone could be an issue.

  "Lil you spin first!" I was eager to play, but more than that I was eager to lighten the tension.

  Twenty minutes later we were all twisted up. My body was suspended over Lily but my face was right on top of Jeremiah who was looking up at me through my dangling hair. I should have tied it back up before we started playing but I was too excited to start playing. Chris and Lily were laughing, their heads at my feet. I attempted to lift my head to look at them, to see what was so amusing but I couldn't manage to move my body. Instead, I yelled, "What's so funny over there? Just spin the damn thing and tell me where to put my foot!" More laughing but then she answered.

  "Chris said you better not fart in his face or he'll be pissed." I winced. I could feel my face turning bright red and I couldn't hide. I was looking straight down at Jeremiah who had started laughing.

  "Oh My God! I wouldn't even dare! But now that you said that I'm thinking about it just to piss you off!" We all burst out laughing at my comment, big belly laughs that filled the quiet in the night. We laughed so hard that we all collapsed on top of each other and I was thrusted on top of Jeremiah's body. He grabbed my whole body on top of his, staring at me with those deep greens.

  I blinked rapidly. My heart racing, my laughs seized and my eyes focused on his. J moved one of his arms from around my waist, bringing his hand to my face. Sweeping the hair out of my face he cupped my cheek, keeping eye contact the whole time. I felt my entire body tense and I instantly held my breath. Jeremiah felt me do it because he smiled a soft smile and looked down at my lips. I was biting my bottom lip, nerves shooting through my body, my heart pounding so hard I thought it was going to escape my chest. He leaned in slowly until our lips met.

  Soft.

  Tender.

  Our tongues were gliding together like that's what they were meant to do. I brought my hand up to his face and cupped his cheek, grazing it with my thumb. He bite my lower lip lightly in response and pulled it back. When he let go my eyes flew open at the loss of contact. They were greeted with his glimmering emeralds looking at me as if they could see into my soul. "Whoa," Jeremiah's voice was soft and filled with want. Just as I opened my mouth to respond, someone interrupted.

  "Hey, mom told me to come get you guys. She said cake is inside and Freya..." my body tensed and it felt like shock waves hitting me at the sound of his voice. Jesse waited for me to look at him before continuing, " Your mom wants to talk to you." He towered above us staring, all of us still laying on the twister mat covered in paint. Our bodies still sprawled across one another. I was still in Jeremiah's arms when Jesse’s eyes traveled up and down my body. When his eyes met mine again he was wearing a devilish look, his smile mischievous. My body tensed and Jeremiah looked at me and then at Jesse. I quickly jumped up off of Jeremiah. Dammit! I thought he had left! How does he have an effect on me!

  "Where is she?" I asked, reaching my hand down in an attempt to help Jeremiah up. "She's in the kitchen," Jesse threw me his pearly whites. Chills flew down my spine making goosebumps all over my arms. Oh God, this needs to stop! I ran into the kitchen leaving everyone behind to fend for themselves, quickly scanning the room I found my mom and hurried over to her.

  "Mom is everything okay?" I whispered, my emotions on overdrive, each feeling running through my body like lighting. I didn't even get to indulge in the kiss I shared with Jeremiah before Jesse interrupted. My body had an immediate reaction to the sound of Jesse's voice. But I was with Jeremiah! Jesse was no one. Jesse was Lily's brother! How could he get to me like this? Ugh, what am I going to do? My mind raced with questions but I forced myself to focus on my mom.

  "Yes sweetheart, I just wanted to see you before I head back home." She gave me a smile and kissed my cheek. I looked up at her and anger filled my body. Not anger toward her but anger toward her husband. Toward the man that was supposed to be loving her but instead was putting bruises all over her body. I lifted my hand to her eye, touching it lightly. She winced, pulling back. My mom smiled trying to reassure me that she was alright but failed. I let out a big sigh and before I could stop myself the words were out of my mouth, "Mom, why do you stay with him?” Instantly regretting the question I shot my eyes down to the floor to avoid looking at her. I never wanted to ask the question. I never really wanted to know the answer because the answer would never be good enough. But what she said was something that I never imagined would have been it.

  "Sometimes in life, my sweet girl, when you follow your heart, it leads you to something you'll never expect." She stopped and I immediately looked up to meet her gaze but she looked to the ground. Letting out a defeated sigh she continued, "Sometimes you'll find love beyond anything you've ever experienced, something that is out of this world, something you would never really think is real....and sometimes....sometimes the heart lies.” She looked up at me and smiled, cupping my cheek, as if that explained it all.

  What the hell does that mean? I looked at her and smiled, attempting to give her some reassurance that I understood. But I didn't. How could I? I'd never been in love before. But now my mom's words paraded in my head. The heart lies. What the hell did that mean? Was that something people said after being in love? After being heart broken? And at the thought Jeremiah and our kiss popped into my head. Could I be falling in love with Jeremiah? Was my heart lying to me about him? My thoughts seized when my mom kissed my cheek again. "See you at home?" She asked, making her way to the door and waving goodbye to Deb.

  "Yea, I'll be home tonight or tomorrow morning. Is that ok?"

  "Yes honey, enjoy your birthday! I love you."

  "I love you too Mom" I smiled as she closed the door behind her. I turned around heading back to the kitchen where I was met by everyone- including Jesse - holding a birthday cake filled with lit candles. I couldn't help the happy tears that started to build at the corner of my eyes. This. The most important people in my life, -minus my mom but including Jesse- all together in one room, showering me with love. I could live in that moment forever and ever. If only.

  Chapter 7

  After cake, I grabbed Jeremiah's hand and dragged him outside. He looked back at everyone hesitantly but eventually allowed me to pull him until we reached the lounge chairs. I sat down, pulling him to sit down with me. "I just wanted a second alone," I looked down trying to hide. I could feel the heat in my cheeks and my stomach filled with knots. Being alone with him had suddenly made me extremely nervous, my thumbs started to fidget in an attempt to calm myself.

  What do I say to him?

  How do I approach this?

  Why did I bring him out here alone with me?

  My mind was racing with the questions, screaming at me to just get up and walk away. Reading my body language, J placed his fingers under my chin and lifted my head putting his forehead on mine. He took a deep breath in. I followed with a breath of my own and closed my eyes tight, not knowing what to expect. His thumb moved lazily across my bottom lip and I couldn't help my breath from shuddering at his touch. My body tensed and my eyes shot open to meet his.

  "Was it ok?" Jeremiah was nervous too. His smile trying to hide the emotion in his eyes.

  "Was what ok?" My eyebrows raised in confusion. The knots in my stomach growing more and more the longer he took to answer my question. He looked off to the side in an attempt to avoid my eyes. "The kiss. When I kissed you before. Was it ok?" Removing his hands from my face, his touch leaving my lips, my body instantly felt lonely at the loss of his fingers. I grabbed his hands in mine which were now in his lap - rubbing his thighs in an attempt to calm his own nerves - and brought them between our chests. I leaned into him, my chin leaning into our hands and looked up to meet his eyes.

  "It was perfect," I whispered, my voice was stern but soft. I
needed him to understand how much his kiss meant to me. Looking at him I knew he felt the same. J’s eyes glistened in the moonlight, his smile grew deeper and I wanted to sit there soaking in his whole appearance. Admire the beautiful man before me but before I could truly take him in, his lips were on mine, his hand at the base of my neck pulling me closer. Jeremiah was kissing me! We were kissing! But this kiss was different. It was passionate. Gone was the soft and gentle kiss from before, this was possessive and needy. He was telling me that I was his and I was telling him he was mine.

  Our tongues were gliding together, invading each other's mouth. Our kiss was slow but hard, our lips pushing against each other's begging to be closer. My hands moved to his hair yanking, pulling him closer to me, while his traced down my body, digging into my waist pulling me closer to him.

  Before I realized what I was doing, my hands were at his chest, pushing him away. Panting like a dog in heat, my body begged for more contact but my mind wanted something else. It wanted answers. I opened my eyes to find his greens looking down at me filled with lust, with desire, with....anger. What could he be angry about? "Why'd you stop!" He demanded a little too loud. I gasped at his tone and moved back slightly out of his reach. "What's wrong?" His voice lowered with concern.

  "Nothing. I just don't want to go too far before I know what this is." Embarrassed for wanting to know what we were I looked away avoiding his face.

  "Before you know what what is?"

  I looked up, confused at his question. Is he really that dumb? How did he not know what I was referring to? Us! What are we? What is this? My mind zooming through all the questions that I wanted to know.

  "What are we? What is this? Us? Are we an us? I'm just confused and I don't want to go too far if I'm only going to be another notch on your belt." I let out a breath instantly feeling my face turn red. I couldn't believe I just said all of that. I couldn't believe he made me even ask! How did he not know I was asking about us! Jeremiah had never been one to stray from the girls, he only had two girlfriends that I knew of but I also knew he had slept around. I'd heard the stories, the rumors. The girls who'd slept with him, fighting over each other and the girls who wanted to sleep with him but only got....other...stuff. I'd never had a boyfriend and I'd never done anything. I knew he was a good person. A great person. But I also knew he was a player and I for one did not want to get played.