Where the Heart Lies

by Amanda Ray

  I had made my way into the bathroom after getting ready to apply the rest of my makeup and add some perfume. I looked at my reflection and smiled. I looked good. I scanned my body looking at my long tan, lean legs until my eyes reached the bottom hem of my maroon dress. The lace material clung to my body and its long sleeves were elegant enough to make me feel like I could be ready to go anywhere. I turned around to look at the back of me and smiled at my opened back. The dress landed just above my ass and hugged my curves so much that it gave my butt an extra lift. Feeling excited and sexy as hell I let my hair out of its bun and let my natural brown curls fall, sweeping my hair over one shoulder so my back was fully exposed. I continued applying my mascara and got startled when I saw his reflection in the mirror.

  "Holy shit! You scared me!" I clutched my chest, turned to face Jesse and gave him a scowl. He smiled at me eyeing my body up and down.

  "You're going out like that?"

  "Why yes, Dad, I am."

  "Don't be cute, flower. I'm just asking." His term of endearment had started to wear on me and every time he said it my heart would flutter."Why do you call me that?" I asked tilting my head.

  "Call you what?" Jesse smiled knowing exactly what I was referring to. "Flower," I said, turning back around to finish my mascara. I caught Jesse's reflection in the mirror and his eyes widened as he took in the back of my dress. He bit his bottom lip and moved closer to me. When he got close enough that I could feel him, he traced his index finger up the back of my thigh and my whole body tensed at the contact.

  "Why do you want to know?" Jesse whispered into my ear and my eyes fluttered closed. His breath was warm and I couldn't help but lean closer into him. His fingers reached the hem of my dress tracing the fabric until I leaned into his touch, giving him a silent approval. He slid his hand underneath my dress and over my bum. "You're wearing this sexy ass dress with a thong? Are you trying to kill me?" Jesse bit my ear and a moan escaped my lips. "God, you're so sexy, I don't know how much longer I can keep my distance."

  "Don't," I whispered back, spreading my legs a bit more to give him full access. My body was on overdrive, giving in to sensation, rather than listening to my brain. This was Jesse after all, Lily's brother, I was supposed to stay away. Wasn't I?

  Jesse's hand slid down my firm cheeks, gripping them hard and I pushed back into his hand just enough to get him to grab more of me. He chuckled and nibbled my neck before gliding his hand down more to cup my sex. Another moan escaped my lips and I had to bite my lip in an attempt to stay quiet. "God, you're so wet, flower. I can feel you through your delicate little panties." I moaned louder as his fingers pushed my panties to the side giving him complete entry. "Shhh flower, the door's still opened and we don't want anyone coming in and interrupting now do we?"

  My eyes tore open and stared at his smile in the mirror. I hadn't even realized that the door was opened. I was so lost in what I was feeling, what he was doing, that I couldn't even concentrate on anything else. Jesse bit his lower lip and I could tell that he was enjoying me like that, spread in front of him to watch in the mirror, with the door wide open for everyone to see and hear. Before I could attest I felt his thick finger glide into me. A low whimper cascaded out of my mouth at the contact and I pushed forward onto the sink with a heavy sigh before sinking back onto his finger. My eyes closed tight and I bit my lip harder with every slick glide into me. My body adjusted to his movements quickly and before I knew it he was sliding another finger into me.

  "You like that?" Jesse’s voice sent shivers down my spine, I breathlessly replied, "Yeah." I felt a tight squeeze in my belly and my breathing started to become rapid and uncontrollable. My body instinctively started pushing back onto his fingers faster and harder and I had to grip the edge of the sink to keep myself steady.

  "Look at yourself, Freya. God, you look so beautiful when you're about to come." My eyes shot open at the use of my name. My chest tightened with happiness and I could barely look away from him in the mirror. When I finally did, I didn't even look like myself, practically sweaty and completely flushed, my hair was mangled and my eyes were so wide I thought they were going to bulge out of my head. Jesse's thumb pressed into my clit and circled fast and rough and that was it. I bit my lip so hard that it started to bleed and I felt his other hand grab my lower stomach to keep me from collapsing forward. He worked me down off of my orgasm and when my breathing had returned to normal he kissed my head and ran a finger down my spine.

  "I better be the only guy to do that to you tonight." He smiled at me when my eyes flew up to meet his gaze, "Now you'll have something to think about for the rest of the night, flower. Now go finish getting ready, you looked thoroughly fucked and we can't have you going out like that now can we?" Jesse smacked my ass and left me in the bathroom to gather myself.

  I looked up into the mirror and shook my head. What in the fuck just happened? I smiled, licked my lips and started to fix myself. When I was just about done getting ready - for the second time - it finally dawned on me. My eyes widened in awareness and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Holy shit! Jesse just fingered me! He fingered me in the bathroom. With the fucking door opened for everyone to see! My first time doing anything sexual, the first time I was fingered, and it was by Lily's brother! Oh fuck!

  Chapter 23

  I had managed to calm myself down just as Lily walked into my room asking if I was ready to go. I tied a bow at the back of my calves. My silky, black, chunky heels were the perfect contrast to my already sultry look. I fluffed up my curls and threw them over my shoulder. "Ready." I declared giving her a smile. She looked my body over and if her giant grin didn't give her away, her sparkling eyes did, "You look like you want someone to fuck you Frey, good job." Lily winked at me and I froze. Did I look different? Could she tell that something sexually had changed in me or was she just complimenting me on the look that I was aspiring to go with? I looked Lily over, her silver, silky dress, loose enough to only cling to her chest but short enough to be extremely sexy and alluring. The skinny straps helped the material curve in at her chest giving it the illusion of a bigger chest, not that Lily needed it, and her glitter stiletto heels helped her legs look toned and long, "You, too!" I returned her wink and grabbed her arm leading her out of the room, "Now let's go get drunk! Happy birthday celebration to me!"

  "Not too drunk!" Jesse said from behind us and I jumped at the sound of his voice. His smile was wicked and his eyes were filled with lust as he looked over my body once more. His eyes came to focus on my heels and then made their way to my lips and I watched breathlessly as his bottom lip was drawn between his teeth. My body tensed and all I wanted to do in that moment was jump him, drag him back into the bathroom and let him have his way with me. Instead, I tilted my head and said, "Well why not, big bro? I can get as drunk as I'd like since we are in fact celebrating my birthday and me being single." His mouth tightened into a straight line and I could see warning in his eyes. He let out a low growl, “I’m not your brother.”

  "Don't worry," Lily stepped in, "I won't get too drunk, but Freya can do what she pleases. She deserves it. And plus, it's not like we're driving! You're going to be driving and you said you were going to stay to keep and eye on us anyway, make sure we didn't get roofied and what not, right? So what's the big deal?"

  "What!" My voice came out as more of a squeak and my eyes flew back and forth between Lily and her brother, confusion and anger making their way through my veins.

  "Did Lily forget to mention that?" His wicked smile returned and I could see the satisfaction all over his face, "I'm staying at the club. Part of our agreement." And just like that he breezed past us, making his way downstairs. "Coming?" Jesse called over his shoulder and I took in a giant breath, growling. He is getting on my last nerves! "He won't bother us." Lily shrugged my shoulder, "He’s just being protective. Plus I think he’s a little jealous cause you look so hot. Come on. We're going to have an amazing time!" I shook off my agitation and gave her a smile.
We made our way down the stairs and out to the car, just as I was getting into the car Jesse smacked my ass. My little jump only made him smile more and made my agitation grow.

  We were nothing. We were barely even friends. He was just my first crush. My best friend's brother. My kinda brother, now. Yet our little encounter in the bathroom had me all twisted up inside and although his possessiveness was aggravating as hell, I couldn't help feeling safe, turned on beyond words, and....loved.

  ◆◆◆

  That night was one of the best nights of my life and it is truly something that I will never forget. Lily and I managed to make it into the club without even a second glance of our fake IDs and I will forever give credit to our outfits. Jesse kept to his word and stayed the whole night to keep an eye on us and although I felt his eyes on me the whole time, he kept his distance and watched me dance with multiple guys and down several drinks. Lily actually was the one to get plastered that night, while I remained tipsy, downing water in between each drink. When the night ended, we were completely drenched in sweat, covered in other people's spilled drinks and giggling out of our minds. Jesse carried us- yes, both of us, his muscles aren't just for show- to bed and left us water and Aspirin. Before leaving my dark quiet room he whispered something I couldn't interpret, my ears still ringing from the bass of the music, and kissed my forehead before leaving.

  It was nearly a year before I saw Jesse again. I wish I could say it was under better circumstances but the day I saw him again was one of the worst days of both of our lives.

  ◆◆◆

  Over that next year Lily and I became closer than ever. We were already like sisters but since living in her home and having Deb, basically adopt me and take me in as her own, we became even more inseparable. We'd spend hours doing homework, watching movies, going out to parties and doing everything a regular college kid would do. Little did everyone know, I was far from normal. Chris and Lily had been going strong in their relationship and although we weren't even twenty yet, I knew that given the chance Chris would have asked Lily to marry him.

  It was a few days after the anniversary of my mom's death when I went to go bring her flowers at the cemetery. "Hi, mom." I smiled, placing her favorite roses at her grave and making myself comfortable on the grass to talk to her, "Sorry I couldn't come sooner, the weather has been crazy and I wanted to make sure your flowers didn't get ruined with the wind and rain.” For the next hour I continued to talk to my mom, telling her about school, Lily, what's happened since she's been gone and Jesse. The sad part is that I've talked more to my mom at her grave than I ever did when she was alive. My heart aches every time I visit but I'll never stop going.

  Lost in my conversation, I jumped out of my skin at the sound of my phone ringing. "Hey Lil, what's up?"

  "Hey, where are you? Mom and I are going to go get some dinner but I couldn't find you. Do you want to come or do you want us to bring something back for you?"

  "I'm visiting my mom. I figured today was a good day since it's not raining. Not yet anyway," I chuckled, "Um, I don't know how long I'm going to be, I hadn't realize it was so late. Do you mind just bringing something home for me? Anything is fine, you guys know what I like." I smiled as if she could see me through the phone.

  "Yeah sure! Tell her I said hi and that we miss her." I heard her whispers as she pulled the phone away from her mouth to tell Deb my plans, "I'll call you when we're on the way back and make sure you text me when you get home okay?"

  "Okay, see you soon! Love you!"

  "Love you, too."

  I smiled at my phone as I hung up and continued my attention back to the conversation with my mom. Another hour passed and as the sun began to set I decided it was time to make my way home. As I approached the house I noticed Lily's car in the driveway and parked behind it, leaving just enough room for Deb's car when they would return. I stepped out and like a pull of gravity made my way to the mailbox to collect whatever was left inside. I usually never checked the mail, leaving Deb to hand me whatever junk mail had my name on it, but that day I felt compelled to do so. Pushing open the front door blindly as I tossed through the envelopes, checking to see if anything had my name on it, I pulled out the one piece of mail that had mine and Lily's name written in perfect script on top. My breath stopped, my heart constricted, and I felt all of the color drain from my face as I looked at the sender's name. Jeremiah Kartright.

  I hesitantly opened the shiny white envelope standing in the door way, the rest of the mail pooled at my feet, having dropped it in surprise, and pulled out an invitation. Blue lace covered a beige piece of cardstock. Written on top: You are cordially invited to attend the wedding of Miss Catherine Elizabeth Lingwood and Mister Jeremiah Rayne Kartright on Saturday, June 24th.

  My heart plummeted to the floor and I felt my knees give way at the sight of his name. I dropped the invitation and grabbed the wall to steady myself. He's getting married? Jeremiah and I hadn't talked since our breakup, but I had no idea he was seeing someone, let alone getting married!

  My hands fumbled through my purse trying to find my phone to call Lily. When I finally found it, I turned around startled at the sound of a deep man's voice. "I'm so sorry ma'am," The police officer said to me, standing in the open doorway. His hands came out in an attempt to steady me, clearly seeing my not so subtle jump when he startled me.

  "It's okay." I breathed out with a chuckle, an attempt to clear my nerves, "Can I help you officer?"

  "I'm looking for a Jesse Blaine, do you know where he might be?"

  My eyes went wide at the sound of Jesse's name. Oh God, what has Jesse done that there is a cop at the door! Deb is going to be pissed! "I actually don't know but his mom and sister should be home soon and you can talk to them if you'd like to wait. Or I can give them your card?" My nervousness began to reap through my voice. The last time I saw police officer's was the night of my mom's murder. A memory I hate to think about.

  "That's actually why we're here ma'am.” I looked behind him to see two more officers standing there with a solemn look on their face. How did I miss them? "May I ask what your relationship to the Blaine family is?"

  "Deb Blaine basically adopted me, I live here with them. They’re family. Can I ask what this is about?" My eyes flew back and forth between the officers trying to gauge the reason for their presence. Confusion, anger and nervousness filling my body so quickly I didn't know what emotion would take hold.

  "I'm sorry to inform you of this Miss...."

  "Rodriguez." I answered the officer's question.

  "Miss Rodriguez, but I'm afraid there's been an accident."

  "Accident?" The question spilled out of my mouth before he could continue and he reached his arm out to steady my tilting body.

  "I'm sorry to say that Mrs. Debra Blaine and her daughter Lily were killed on impact in a car accident. A drunk driver hit their car head on. It seemed they were leaving a Diner and headed home."

  My knees gave way and I fell to the floor, sobs filling the quiet house. The officer held my body as I shook, tears hit the floor and I felt like I was going to throw up. My body concaved into the officer, the only thing keeping me from falling completely apart. The last thing, the last people, I had in my life. My only family. Everything and everyone I've ever loved, who's ever loved me.

  Gone.

  They were all, now, gone.

  Chapter 24

  I was nearly twenty years old and had lost everyone I had ever truly loved. Everyone that I had ever been close to. Every piece of family I ever knew. My mom, Lily, Deb, and Jeremiah- although not gone in the same way, I had lost him too. Jesse was out of the country working when I had gotten the news about Lily and Deb. The police officers had to contact him to give him the information because the state of shock I was in left me speechless for days. He flew back right away and took charge of everything. I could barely manage getting out of bed when he arrived, it felt like someone had grabbed my heart, squeezed and expelled it from my chest, taking my
tongue with it. I was a ghost, a shell of a person.

  The day of the funeral I sat up front next to Jesse, listening to people give speech after speech about how amazing Deb and Lily were. Chris came over and hugged me for as long as he could before it felt incredibly awkward at the lack of a hug back. I wasn’t me anymore. I didn’t know how to move forward. How to live life every day. I had barely said two words to Jesse, when he had first returned home after the news I ran into his arms at nearly three in the morning and just broke down crying. He held me for what felt like the entire night, just letting me fall apart. When I finally composed myself I took a step back and looked him in the eyes, the hurt I saw broke me even more. Lily and Deb had been my family, but when I looked at him I realized that they were Jesse's blood. His whole life. The only family he had, and in that moment it clicked how selfish I was being. I realized I had to let him feel, let him break down, but he never did. He was composed and put together through everything. I just watched him, in my shell, as he locked down all of his feelings and got shit done.

  I watched in awe at how strong he was, how, although I could see how much pain he was in, he never let it truly show. After the funeral Jesse had set up food at the house where people could come eat and talk about their memories of Lily and Deb. I stayed in the corner, people watching and nodding to everyone who gave their condolences. Jesse had caught my eye from across the room and I swallowed down my glass of vodka I was using to numb the pain. His stare was so intense I had to look down to the floor. When I looked back up he was still watching me with his dark blue eyes. The usual glistening ocean blues were turned gray with grief. Jesse's stare bore into me and I couldn't take it anymore. I made my way into kitchen, dodging all of the people dressed in black and refilled my cup to the rim.