Zero Regret

by Autumn Jones Lake

  “I’m sure he knew where I was all along. I never understood…how obsessed he was until it was too late.”

  Oh yeah, this fucker definitely needs to die.

  “Did he hurt you?”

  “Not that time. Thankfully, he was arrested when he went back to New York. He’s been free on bail since then, so he didn’t bother me again.”

  “Is that when you did this?” I ask, tracing the line on her left arm.

  She nods. “Shortly after.”

  He needs to die painfully.

  Chapter Twelve

  Z

  Alex offered to load up his truck and follow Lilly down to the new house. I plan to meet them there later. First, I need to talk to Rock.

  I shouldn’t be surprised, but church is letting out when I step into the clubhouse. Makes me feel like shit for missing it.

  Rock seems to sense my grim attitude and motions me into the war room. Wrath’s less sensitive to my mood and picks me up in a rib-crushing bear hug. “Missed you, fucker. Your whole side of the table is empty. Fucking sucks.”

  “Christ, without the three of us, what the fuck’d you even talk about?” I ask.

  Rock motions for Wrath to shut the door. After we take our seats, Rock sits forward, resting his clasped hands on the table in front of him. “Honestly, we discussed what we’re going to do if this situation goes on much longer.”

  “Jesus, Rock. I’m—”

  He holds up his hand, cutting me off. “Not your fault. Teller’s stayed on top of his stuff. Sent me his numbers this morning.” He snorts and tosses a few pages my way. “Although his cryptic code is a bit hard to crack, I think it’s all good news.”

  I glance at the papers and give up trying to decipher Teller’s scribbles and symbols almost immediately. “I think he watched too much Inspector Gadget as a kid.”

  Rock snorts. “Maybe.” The laughter fades from his expression. “Murphy’s going to come up Wednesday and Thursday to work on a few things if you can spare him.”

  Makes sense. Not as if Murphy can cover all his Road Captain responsibilities over email. “Yeah, whatever you need.” I glance at Wrath. “You doing okay at Furious without him?”

  Wrath lifts his massive shoulders, as if he doesn’t want to admit not having Murphy around is a hardship. “Jake’s covering for him right now.”

  “You ever consider Jake for a prospect rocker?”

  Wrath’s shaking his head before I finish the question. “He rides maybe three months out of the year. Besides, his brother will kill him if he gets any more involved with us criminals.”

  This is news to me. Sully’s always been friendly and respectful when I’ve met him. “Why? Sully’s a good guy. He—”

  “Exactly,” Wrath says, ending the conversation.

  “Bronze is still in the area.” Our favorite tattoo artist has been a friend of the club for years.

  “I think if he had any genuine interest, he would’ve said so years ago,” Rock says.

  “True.” You either have outlaw blood in your veins or not.

  “If you can, I’d like you to take Dex to your next meet with the Demons,” Rock says.

  “All right,” I answer slowly. “Chaser knows him pretty well though.”

  “He does,” Rock agrees. “I want them to get used to seeing his face, though.”

  “Shit, Rock, you trying to replace me already?” I say it with a smile, like I’m joking, but the mere idea has my stomach clenching. Not that I don’t trust Dex. He’s vice president material, no doubt. Doesn’t mean I’m ready to hand him my VP patch.

  “You know that’s not what this is about,” Rock says.

  “Dex isn’t as much fun to fuck with as you are,” Wrath adds.

  I roll my eyes. “Lucky me.”

  Wrath’s phone buzzes and he pulls it out, frowning at the text. “Speaking of Jake.”

  “You need to go?” Rock asks.

  “If you don’t need me, yeah.”

  Three of us stand, but I stay on my side of the table. One grizzly bear hug is enough for today.

  “You moving Lilly down this week?” Wrath asks.

  “Her brother’s helping, but yeah.”

  “You need anything?”

  “No, brother. I got it.”

  After Wrath’s gone, Rock lifts an eyebrow. “Getting along with her brother better now?”

  I shrug. “We seem to have called a truce. I still think he’s a dick.”

  “Naturally.” Rock tips his head and studies me closer. “You look like you got a lot on your mind.”

  I drop back into my seat and Rock does likewise. “I finally got some answers from Lilly.”

  “And?”

  After the rage cleared, I considered my options. One of my best opportunities to get at this guy if he’s convicted is immediately after the trial. I’ll have a narrow window where he’ll be at the local Federal facility while he’s being processed into the system. After that, it will be tough to track him down.

  “I might need help getting access to someone in federal custody in the near future. Stump has a connection—”

  “No.”

  “Rock, I don’t need your permission.”

  He grits his teeth. “Well, I’m sure as fuck not giving you my blessing. That’s a big, complicated favor to call in. Risky too, if you get caught.”

  He’s not just talking about my risk. I also run the risk of ruining a long-standing relationship with the Demons if I use Stump’s connection and fuck it up. “I don’t care.”

  He sits forward and lowers his voice. “And that right there is why I’m telling you no. You stop caring, that’s when shit goes wrong.”

  “I’ll never snitch. Demons will stay clear of any trouble.”

  Realizing I won’t let this drop, Rock blows out a breath. “You’re going to have to share more details.”

  My hands ball into fists. “Senator Kelly —”

  “The one who’s about to go on trial?”

  Great, the publicity surrounding the case isn’t exactly going to encourage Rock to help me.

  “Lilly worked for him,” I continue.

  “Jesus Christ.” As usual, Rock doesn’t need me to paint a full picture.

  “He hurt her, Rock. Bad. Feds wouldn’t let her do anything that might ruin their case.”

  “That’s why she ran?”

  “Short version, yeah.”

  “Shit,” he mutters, shaking his head. He’s silent for a few minutes, but I sense his mind flipping through possibilities. Finally, he says, “Let me see what Tony can find out for me.”

  That’s a big favor for Rock to call in. “This needs to be done, Rock. You know that. No matter how hard he might be to get at. I won’t let this one go.”

  “I understand. You need to understand that it needs to be done the right way. The way that doesn’t end up with you in prison, missing out on the next twenty-five years of your son’s life.”

  Okay, when he puts it that way, it gives me pause.

  “Remember the guard at Slater Correctional?”

  “Fuck yeah. I remember the pig.” When Rock had been inside a couple years ago, one particular guard had made Rock’s life hell by doling out daily beatings, trying to provoke Rock into a fight. The guard was in bed with the Vipers MC and the cowards wanted to take out our president without getting their hands dirty.

  Rock wouldn’t be tricked into lashing out at a guard while in custody. Then the CO made the fatal mistake of touching Hope on one of her visits to see Rock. That invasive pat-down sealed the guy’s fate. As soon as Rock was out of jail, we started planning to end that motherfucker.

  “You think I didn’t want to take him out right away?” Rock asks.

  “This is different. This fuck has gone unpunished for years. He’s responsible for…a lot of things.”

  Rock sits back but never takes his eyes off me. “I think I understand what you’re saying, Angus. Doesn’t mean I’m going to let you risk your freedom for som
e lowlife. We do this smart.”

  We.

  An injury to one member hurts us all. And we all retaliate.

  I’m not in this alone.

  “Give me whatever information you have and I’ll see what Tony can find out.”

  “Rock, I can track down plenty on my own without involving him.”

  “I realize that, but he might be able to tell me something the computer can’t. In no way do we want this traced back to you.”

  “Thank you, brother.”

  “You don’t have to thank me. You know where I’ll always land in this situation.”

  Yes, yes, I do. Senator Kelly won’t be the first rapist to die at the hands of the Lost Kings MC. Brutal? Maybe. Necessary though, as far as I’m concerned. Haven’t lost any sleep over it yet.

  “Are you comfortable bringing in the others if we need to?” He motions to the rest of the table. Retaliation at this level really needs to go through a club vote. Since my status is hovering between VP of upstate and prez of downstate, I guess I can choose which charter I want to involve. “There’s no one I trust more.”

  He nods. “You might want to keep your relationship to Lilly a secret for now.”

  “I’m the only one on the lease for the house downstate.”

  “Good.” He gives me a thoughtful look. “You know if she put your name on Chance’s birth certificate?”

  Shit, it had never occurred to me to ask. I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me Chance is mine. “I don’t know.”

  He shrugs. “Shouldn’t matter. She had him in California, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Find out. The longer nothing connects the two of you on paper, the better.”

  “Rock, I’m gonna marry her. Soon. Real soon.”

  He snorts and one corner of his mouth lifts. “Of course, you are.” His smile fades. “But you want this done first, right?”

  Damn right I do.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Lilly

  The drive down to the new place isn’t awkward at all. Mostly because my brother is driving in the truck behind me. I needed to take my own car, after all.

  Chance decided it would be more fun to ride with Uncle Alex so I have the car to myself, which means I can crank up the stereo to music I want to listen to.

  It makes the miles go by fast.

  And helps me forget all the horrors I explained to Z the other day.

  Who am I kidding? I can’t stop thinking about it. The awful feelings it dredged up cling to me like slime. A familiar, heavy, shameful weight presses down on me like a second skin I thought I shed years ago.

  Z tenderly took me to bed and curled himself around me all night. Made me breakfast in bed the next day before Chance came home. Basically treated me like expensive glass that might break at any moment.

  At first it was sweet.

  Until it was annoying.

  Then it became alarming. Will that be the new normal for us now? Z thinks I’m a victim and he shouldn’t touch me? That I’m broken? I can’t deal with him seeing me that way.

  As I’m close to my Thruway exit, Z calls.

  “How far away are you, pretty girl?”

  “About a mile from the exit.”

  “I’ll meet you there so you can follow me to the house.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Just look for me to the right.”

  “Okay.”

  While he said look for him, I should’ve known Z wouldn’t be alone. One of his brothers—Murphy, I think—is with him. They both pull onto the road as I exit the tollbooth.

  Keeping an eye on my brother’s truck in my rear view, I guide my car into place behind Z’s and Murphy’s bikes and follow where they lead.

  They take us through some winding country roads. Somehow this far downstate, I expected it to be more built up, but there is still some uninterrupted scenery.

  Whoops, spoke too soon, he takes a left onto a smaller, newer road. Up and down, we roll over gentle hills until we pass a set of stone pillars. A little further, we come to a gate and small guard building. Z waves something at the box next to the building and the gates swing open. He doesn’t move through immediately though, and I realize he’s speaking to someone inside the building.

  Impressive.

  Obviously, I knew Z would find someplace safe and secure for us. I didn’t expect this, though. It’s a newer housing development that looks more like a nature park dotted with over-sized houses. Most homes are similar in style. What they lack in originality, they make up for in size. Perfectly manicured yards. Intricate stone driveways.

  I bet they’re going to love having a couple of bikers in the neighborhood.

  Instead of being happy for me, my brother seems irritated by the surroundings when he unfolds his long legs from his truck.

  “Was Chance good for you?”

  “Huh?” He stops scowling at the neighborhood and faces me. “Yeah, he conked out almost as soon as we got on the Thruway.”

  “Good.”

  “Daddy!” Chance knocks on the window and before even saying hello to my brother, Z opens the back door to unbuckle Chance.

  “Were you good for Uncle Alex?” Z asks, sweeping Chance into his arms.

  “He’s always good,” Alex says.

  Z shifts Chance to one arm and holds out his hand to my brother. “Thanks for coming down.”

  “Yeah, no problem. Fancy area.” His gaze lands on Murphy who finally ambles over and nods to my brother. “How’re they gonna feel about your hogs rumbling in and out of here at all hours?”

  Z shrugs. “Guess we’ll find out.” He jerks his head toward the house next to the one we pulled up to. “Murphy and Teller will be right next door.”

  “Hey, Murphy,” I call out. “Has Heidi seen the house yet?”

  “Not yet. She’s coming down tomorrow after school.”

  Alex shoots me a weird look and I glare at him in return. Obviously, he assumes the worst about Z’s friends.

  “Z said you didn’t have a lot.” Murphy points at the truck bed. “Should we start unloading?”

  “Yeah.” Z pulls a keyring out of his pocket. “Let me open up the place.” He clicks a button and one of the garage doors rolls up. Reaching out, he takes my hand and tugs me up the driveway. Chance is eager to get down and explore.

  Once we’re inside the house, Z sets him down, laughing as Chance races around the sparsely furnished living room, bouncing on the thick carpet.

  It takes a while to go through all three levels. We have enough guest rooms for several family members to visit at the same time and a huge playroom for Chance.

  “This is my favorite part.” Z slides open a glass door and motions for me to follow him.

  “Oh my God, the pool is amazing.”

  “I’m glad you like it.” Z snakes his arms around my waist, pulling me against his chest. “Wanna come home and find you sunbathing in a nice, tiny bikini every day.”

  I snort and slap his arm. “My bikini days are way behind me.”

  “Like hell they are.” He gestures toward the sliding glass doors and the privacy walls beyond. “Besides, who’s gonna see?”

  When I still don’t answer, he gives me Z’s version of puppy eyes—a smoldering look that always makes me want to jump him. “Don’t you wanna make your man happy?”

  “Yes.” I glance at the pool again. “Chance doesn’t know how to swim.”

  “I figured.” He lifts his chin at the house next door. “We talked about finding someone to give the kids swim lessons.”

  “Oh, that’s a great idea.”

  “Until then, we’ll keep the door locked.” He leans down, brushing his lips against my cheek. “But come night time, I plan to be skinny-dipping with my girl.”

  The low thrum of his voice has me ready to strip down and mount him right now. “Are you sure about that?”

  He frowns but doesn’t have an opportunity to answer.

  “Lilly, which one is your
bedroom?” Alex calls out, annoyance vibrating through the words.

  Z takes my hand and pulls me into the house. “I should be helping them.”

  I make sure to lock the door behind us. Chance is busy following Murphy with his stuffed animals. “I helping,” he assures me.

  “Good job.”

  When the guys are finished, Z prowls over and kisses my cheek. “I’m sorry, but I need to get back,” he explains in a low voice. “You can come over to the clubhouse later.”

  “Are you sure?” My gaze strays to Chance.

  “Yeah, it’s a good night for you guys to be there.”

  “All right.”

  He turns and shakes Alex’s hand, then crouches down to speak to Chance for a few seconds.

  “Thank you for your help, Murphy.”

  “No problem.” His lips quirk. “I go where the prez tells me.”

  “I still appreciate it. I’m excited Heidi’s coming down tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing her and Alexa.”

  “You and me both.” His gaze slides toward Z. “This is gettin’ old.”

  He allows me to give him a brief hug before leaving with Z.

  “Do you want to grab lunch?” I ask Alex. “That took less time than I expected.”

  “You didn’t have much.” Disapproval rolls off him in waves but I don’t feel like probing to find out what’s bothering him.

  “So, what’s the story, Lilly? He moved you down here to this…little domestic palace so you can play gangster mistress?”

  Apparently, I won’t have to ask. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I seethe, praying Chance can’t overhear us.

  “What are you doing? Have you bothered to even look for a job since you’ve been back, or are you now just a kept woman?”

  “That’s what you’re so concerned about? That I don’t have a job?”

  “That, among other things. Like, what, are you besties with all his thug buddies now too?”

  “Murphy isn’t a thug and he’s been nothing but kind to me and Chance. His daughter is around Chance’s age. Since when are you such a judgmental prick?”

  “Oh,” he says, finally backing off.

  “Yeah, oh. You need to get over this, Alex. I’m tired of you offering opinions on my relationship.” I throw my hands in the air. “I can’t win with you. If I was working, you’d bitch that Z wasn’t taking care of me and Chance properly. I’m not working and you’re complaining about that. Make up your mind.”