What He Wants

by Jessie Gussman

  “Thanks,” she said in a husky tone through the tightness in her throat.

  He jerked his chin and gathered up the children’s plates.

  Jamal didn’t know she was looking to move, so she didn’t tell Torque about the houses and he didn’t ask.

  Torque finished clearing off the table and washed the few dishes. Drying his hands, he walked to the door.

  Cassidy straightened from setting Nessa on the floor. “Do you mind if Jamal goes to the garage after school tomorrow?” She glanced at where the boy played on the floor with Nissa and lowered her voice. “I don’t know how much more he’ll be able to go...” She trailed off. Brent probably wouldn’t want her son spending time with Torque. It probably wasn’t wise anyway.

  “He’s welcome anytime,” Torque said without turning around. His shoulders lifted and lowered like he was taking a deep breath. “You know that.”

  “Are you leaving?” Jamal ran over, grabbing Torque around the waist. “Don’t leave. I wanted you to read my story tonight.”

  Torque bent down on one knee. Jamal threw his arms around him, crying that he couldn’t go. His antics upset the twins who toddled over after him. They started crying too. Nessa crawled up on Torque’s knee. Nissa leaned against his side.

  Her happy home had transformed into chaos that fast. Cassidy bit back tears herself.

  “I think it’s best for me to go,” Torque said, although Cassidy could hardly hear him over the din.

  “No! Mommy, tell him to stay. He can’t leave,” Jamal wailed.

  The neighbors were going to think they were torturing her children. In this neighborhood, she wasn’t as concerned about them calling the cops as much as she worried they might knock on the door and ask to join in.

  Torque’s eyes lifted to hers. She bit her lip and shrugged one shoulder. She wanted him to stay, but she wasn’t asking for it. He’d already done enough. Asking him to stay would only make things harder on him in the long run.

  She went over and picked up Nissa.

  “I’ll stay.” Torque pulled Jamal close and hugged him. Jamal clung to his neck like if he let go Torque might change his mind.

  Guilt stabbed through Cassidy. She hadn’t realized how much her little boy might be missing a father figure in his life. She’d selfishly thought that she was doing a good thing by giving him a home, but she couldn’t be a dad, and he didn’t need to tell her about it. He’d just shown her.

  Chapter 19

  Thursday went the same with Cassidy dropping Jamal off at the garage after school. Friday, she looked at more houses, and the Kicking Quilters helped Torque with the twins until he closed for the evening. He could hardly stand to think about the upcoming date on Saturday, and he wondered if he should pack up and move to a different town. Even the thought of Cassidy with someone else, despite knowing it was necessary, made his lungs feel like they were full of cement.

  It almost took his mind completely off his own problems of not having the money he needed to make the down payment on renting the shop.

  Until Friday afternoon, when two things happened.

  The first thing was good.

  Bob Smith brought his 359 Peterbilt in on the hook. “I’ll pay you cash if you have it done by Saturday evening. I have a load that needs to be in California by Wednesday morning.”

  “I’ll have to see if I can get the pistons cut and a rebuild kit from CAT.”

  Bless Cassidy and his new phone. He was able to make all the arrangements. This would easily tip him over the edge from having almost enough to make the down payments to having enough to not only secure his garage location, but he could go pickup shopping—something old and cheap—and would have all his parts bills for the week paid up as well.

  Torque allowed himself a three-second smile before he got to work. He’d still be able to help Cassidy with the kids this evening and put Jamal to bed, but if the truck were going to be done by tomorrow evening, he wasn’t going to sleep tonight.

  Thankfully the Kicking Quilters were on with the twins. Since the next day was Saturday, Jamal didn’t need to get up for school, so Torque didn’t worry about quitting early. It was eight when Jamal, who was the official keeper of Torque’s phone when he was there, said that his mom texted that she was on her way home.

  Torque didn’t bother to clean the shop, but he did wash his hands. Unlike the other nights, he dropped his gram off after taking Miss Angelina home but didn’t take a shower or change.

  “Why not?” Jamal said, when Torque just walked his gram to her door and said he wasn’t going in.

  “Going back to the shop to finish that motor soon as I get you settled in bed.” He grinned.

  Jamal’s brows furrowed, and he gave Torque’s dirty t-shirt an uncertain look, but he didn’t argue when they drove his gram’s car to the apartment.

  Cassidy had a pizza on the table when Torque walked in behind Jamal, a twin in each arm.

  “Oh my.” She looked at his filthy outfit and her pretty pink daughters in his arms.

  They’d settled into a stiff but friendly compromise, and Torque tilted his mouth. “I’m trying to keep them from touching me, but I’m heading back to the shop, so I didn’t change.”

  “That’s fine, of course. You can eat and run, if you need to.”

  “No!” Jamal said firmly.

  Torque shrugged. “I can spare an hour. But I have a motor job that will let me pay the first and last months’ rent, and the shop will be mine if I can keep it.”

  Cassidy froze in the act of taking Nissa out his arms. “That’s what you needed? That’s why you weren’t sure you had the shop for more than a week? You had to have money for the down payment?” Her brows lowered, and her lips were pulled down.

  Torque stared right into her eyes. Her anger wouldn’t intimidate him. “Yes.”

  Her teeth ground together. He smiled. Honestly, if she hadn’t been holding the baby, he thought she might have laid off and socked it to him. Maybe he deserved it for being such an arrogant, prideful s.o.b., but he felt so happy, he could float. Except the person he most wanted to share his almost-success with was going out on a date with another man tomorrow.

  That thought brought him back down to earth, and he realized that he’d lifted his free hand and almost had it around Cassidy, wanting to bring her to him and kiss her full on the lips with God and everyone watching.

  He swallowed, the smile fading from his mouth, and set the twin he held down on the floor.

  Cassidy’s lips compressed even more. “Wash up and sit down. We’ll eat.”

  While he was washing his hands, Jamal ran to his bedroom to put his school things away.

  “Did you find a house?” Torque asked low, after checking to be sure Jamal was still gone.

  Cassidy’s eyes lit up. “I did!” She, too, glanced at the hall doorway before saying in a low tone, “It has a huge front and backyard. A swing set already installed, six bedrooms, which we don’t need, and it’s beautiful, inside and out. Well back away from the road, no neighbors, and in a more affluent area, but not too ritzy for kids. It’s also empty, and the owners are eager to close.” She lowered her voice even more. “I told my agent to get it. Of course, it’s Friday, and I probably won’t know anything until Monday, but I could actually be packing next week.” Her smile wrenched at his heart, but he had to smile back.

  “I’m happy to hear it.” That was his sincere truth. Once more, his body moved to kiss her before his mind shut it down.

  Jamal came back out, and they settled around the table.

  He’d barely taken one bite when his phone buzzed in his pocket. Taking it out, he glanced at the id. Miss Angelina. Had she fallen? Was she sick?

  “I’d better get this. It’s Miss Angelina.”

  Cassidy nodded.

  “Hello?” Torque stood and walked away from the table.

  “Torque, I’m sorry for bothering you.” Her voice was breathless, like she had been running or maybe was nervous. “But I just re
ceived a call from my mortgage lender, and I wanted to tell you first. I didn’t realize that when Tyke got the mortgage for this place that it was what is called a balloon mortgage. Have you ever heard of something like that?”

  Torque leaned against the hall doorway. “You have a bunch of small payments then one big, massive payment at the end?” A buzz, like the sound a turbo makes just before it flies apart, started in his ears. His stomach muscles contracted.

  “That’s right. I didn’t realize that’s what it was, and the big payment, the massive one, was due last week.” She paused. Torque tried to gather his thoughts, but he couldn’t figure out which of the many questions spinning through his head he should ask first.

  “I’m sorry, Torque.” Her voice broke. She cleared her throat and went on. “But I don’t have the cash to pay that payment. My daughters have some money, but I could never ask them to put it out for me.” Her voice rambled on like she couldn’t stop unloading her problems. “The banker suggested I sell. I thought I could keep my home if I had you there with the rent, but this is something I didn’t expect, and I don’t know what else to do.” Her voice faded completely, and she sniffed.

  Torque felt like a motor had just landed on his chest, but it hurt even worse to hear Miss Angelina, who was usually so happy and upbeat, crying in misery.

  He shoved the panic back down and forced his brain to concentrate. “How long do you have?”

  She sniffed and sobbed for a moment, trying to get herself under control. “The banker said I should put it on the market immediately, because houses don’t sell as fast in the winter and he could maybe wait sixty days, but no more before things got really bad for me. So, maybe six weeks. I don’t know what to do.”

  “Okay. So we have two months.” He made his tone gentle but sincere. “We’ll figure something out.”

  Miss Angelina sniffed. “I just feel so bad because you just told me today that you’d be able to stay and...”

  “Don’t feel bad. You didn’t know, and if this doesn’t work out, we’ll go somewhere else. And I’ll help you as much as I can in the meantime.”

  He didn’t ask how much her balloon payment was. It didn’t really matter since he had barely scraped enough together to get the money he needed as a down payment. There was no way he could start a business and make enough to pay her balloon payment along with everything else he needed.

  He spent a few more minutes on the phone with Miss Angelina, trying to reassure her. But the lady felt like her life had just dumped her out upside down in an unfriendly territory.

  Finally, he said, “I’m coming back to the garage tonight. Why don’t you come on down and we’ll figure out some options?”

  She agreed, and he ended the call.

  Everyone else was done eating when he sat back down. Cassidy lifted her brows at him.

  “Sorry about that,” he said as he picked up his pizza.

  “That was Miss Angelina?”

  “Yeah.” His appetite had disappeared. “She doesn’t know what to do about her balloon mortgage.”

  “I see.” Cassidy tapped her chin. “Miss Angelina doesn’t want to sell?”

  “Pretty sure not. I don’t know if it’s because change scares her or she just wants to live right there, where she’s lived for fifty years.”

  “It’s sad her kids wouldn’t support that.”

  “She said she didn’t want to ask her daughters for money. I got the feeling at other times that the one lived pretty far away and the other didn’t make that much. I don’t know. Haven’t seen ’em around. They were older than us. Like twenty years or so. I don’t even know their names.” He shoved pizza in his mouth without even tasting it. It didn’t escape his notice that he and Cassidy were talking about his problems like an old married couple. If only. He probably shouldn’t have burdened her with his issues. She had enough on her plate.

  “Me either.” Cassidy wiped Nissa and set her down. Nissa toddled over to Torque and raised her hands in the air.

  “Want up, little one?” He reached down and set her on his knee, bouncing it, holding her with one hand while he ate with the other. She reached up with her hands and grabbed his face, squeezing before rubbing her fingers over his whiskers.

  “I think she likes them.” Cassidy smiled.

  “So you like them, hmm?” he said to Nissa. “What does your mama think?”

  She chortled and said, “Mama.”

  “Mama thinks he looks rakish and dangerous in his whiskers.”

  “Not sure if that was a compliment or not.”

  “It was.” Cassidy got up and moved away.

  Torque read to Jamal and slipped out of the apartment before Cassidy had the twins completely bathed and put down. He didn’t want to overthink it, but it could be his last evening there, and he felt like he was leaving his heart with them. Gram had done her best, but nothing had ever felt quite so much like home as Cassidy’s crummy apartment.

  THAT WAS A BUST.

  Cassidy closed the apartment door behind Brent. They never even made it to the movie.

  He’d been great. Handsome. Successful. Seriously liked children. He’d even helped pack them in Gram’s car, since the Kicking Quilters were taking them to Miss Angelina’s home to watch them. They were going to bring them back to her apartment to put them to bed.

  Cassidy checked the microwave clock. Five. She snorted. In another four hours, they would bring the kids home.

  She could go get them. But she had to muster up the fortitude to face them after failing them so miserably.

  The appetizer wasn’t even on the table before she’d blurted out the truth to Brent. He’d been blindsided. Not about the kids; he already knew she needed someone who was interested in getting married, and soon, because of their potential adoption. But the other thing she’d blurted out. Heck, she’d surprised herself with what she said. However, she couldn’t unsay it because it wasn’t untrue.

  Her cheeks felt hot, and she put her hands over them. She’d said to Brent something along the lines of, “It’s only right to tell you that I’m in love with another man.”

  His chin had about hit the table. Hers almost landed right alongside of it.

  Seriously? She was in love with Torque?

  Well, yeah. How could she not be? How could any woman be on the receiving end of everything he’d done for her and not feel some kind of love? Even if he weren’t the most handsome man she’d ever seen. Even if he didn’t love her kids. Even if he wasn’t resourceful and hardworking, honest and loyal. Kind. Tough. Strong. Compassionate.

  Of course, she was in love with him. And, although she hadn’t thought it out, it was only right to tell Brent.

  He’d already had a love match with his late wife, he’d said, and he wouldn’t stand in the way of her being with the one she loved. They’d left immediately, he’d dropped her off, and that was the end of it.

  She’d ruined the one chance she had to give her kids an amazing dad that the adoption agency would be okay with.

  Her heart beat slow, and she suddenly felt old and tired. Despair closed around her like a coffin lid snapping shut. What had she done?

  Walking slowly to her bedroom, she fell onto her bed, facedown. She was going to lose everything she loved. The twins. Torque. Only Jamal was left, and she couldn’t even provide the boy with the dad he deserved.

  The kids were gone, and Cassidy indulged in a few tears.

  Chapter 20

  Torque locked the shop door behind him with bleary eyes. He’d not slept since five o’ clock yesterday morning, and one would think that he’d be able to fall in bed and sleep ’til morning, but there was an irritation in his chest that he was pretty sure would keep him tossing and turning all night.

  At least he’d been able to pay Miss Angelina. An hour ago when Bob left with his truck, Torque had gone immediately up to the house and presented her with the money he owed. He was officially in business. Now he needed to figure out what that meant. Tomorrow. Or nex
t week. Sometime, but not tonight.

  Tonight, he was going to take a walk.

  He didn’t even stop at the trailer to grab a jacket or change his clothes, just kept walking through the field, across the stream, and up the mountain. It was a hard climb—he lived on the steep, northern side—and he was out of breath by the time he reached the little lookout where he’d met Cassidy on the Fourth of July over ten years ago. He couldn’t see the town, but the view was amazing. Especially this time of year with the trees turning and floating in twittering color to the ground. But he wasn’t really watching that. He’d not been up here since that night. Man, he’d never imagined what he’d have to go through. The idea that he’d spend a decade behind bars had been nonexistent.

  At that point in his life, he’d wanted two things—to be the best diesel mechanic around and to figure out how he could get Cassidy Kimball to marry him.

  The second thing had seemed like an impossible dream. He knew she liked him, but the rich prom queen and private school grad who was going to Stanford wouldn’t ever marry the poor boy from the trailer park.

  A part of him thought it might have been possible now. If it weren’t for her children and the mentoring program. She’d seemed to like kissing him okay.

  But what had really driven him up the mountain tonight was the thought of Cassidy on a date with another man.

  In prison, he’d assumed it was going to happen—she’d marry someone else and have their babies. But it hadn’t been in his face. He’d closed himself off to any contact from her, thinking he wouldn’t torture himself, sitting in his cell, wondering who she was with and what they were doing.

  But it turned out she wasn’t with anyone. Hadn’t been doing anything. Did he flatter himself to think it might have been because of him?

  Now, when he’d spent the last week remembering everything, falling in love with her children, falling in love with her, again...

  He was in love with Cassidy Kimball.

  Of course.

  And that’s what he wanted. Not her platitudes. Not her money. Not even her time. He’d wanted her love.