This Is Me

by Finn

  I had forgotten how good Leroy was at maths. When we’d had our first class together, we had sat beside each other, and I would copy all of the work he did, changing it slightly, of course. Ms Lane had had no idea that I’d been copying his work, but she’d noticed that we spoke to each other non-stop throughout each lesson and eventually set up a seating plan, placing us on opposite sides of the classroom. It had been a long time since I had seen Leroy solve a math problem, and I couldn’t help but be a little impressed.

  It wasn’t because I liked him. I didn’t.

  “Alright, done,” Leroy stated, nodding at the work he had done before quickly scanning the room once again. I also did a quick scan of the room and saw that Ms Lane was now kneeling next to the same student's desk she’d been helping before. He was a bigger lost cause than me.

  “Swap back?” I asked in a whisper and turned back to face Leroy, who was already looking at me.

  “Yeah,” he answered with a nod and a smile, and we shuffled around each other, hoping that Ms Lane hadn’t seen us swap.

  “Thanks for that, Roy,” I whispered, looking at the now solved problem in front of me. “I’m shit at maths.”

  “No problem. What are friends for?”

  “Forming cults?” I joked, looking over at him just in time to see him roll his eyes, all while a smile tugged at his lips. Another one of those small things that he did that I was only starting to notice.

  “I mean, you’re not wrong, I guess.”

  “Are you two boys done?” Ms Lane’s voice cut through our conversation, and we both turned to look at her.

  “We are,” Leroy answered, and I nodded in agreement.

  Ms Lane walked back to the front of the classroom, and up to the board, gesturing to us to move out of the way. I glanced at Leroy one more time before heading back to my seat, deciding to get a start on the work I should have already been doing. I didn’t understand what I was meant to be doing, but I hoped that it would move my mind away from Leroy.

  “Good job,” Ms Lane’s voice floated into my ears, and I looked up at her as she erased the two problems from the board. “Both were correct. Continue with your work.”

  I let out a small sigh of relief and turned my attention back to the work in front of me, still doing my best not to think of Leroy and how he smelt and the way his face lit up when he smiled. It was proving difficult, and I was more than thankful when the bell rang.

  “I expect that sheet to be finished by our next lesson!” Ms Lane called out as everyone in the class quickly packed up their things and hurried toward the door.

  As I stumbled out into the hallway and began dodging the other students, I felt someone move beside me, and I turned to see that it was Leroy.

  “You’re nowhere near finished with that sheet, are you?” He asked with a smile on his face, and I could feel my cheeks start to heat up, so I quickly turned my attention away from him.

  I needed to stop that.

  “What gave it away?”

  “The fact that I saw you continue to draw some weird-ass picture after you gave up on the third problem.” Leroy laughed and nudged my shoulder slightly, but I kept looking down the hall, trying to remember how to walk correctly. For some reason, it had become rather complicated.

  “Oh, yeah. That subject isn’t my strong point,” I mumbled, continuing to wade through the onslaught of students all trying to make their way out of the school.

  “I noticed. I can do it if you want?” Leroy offered, and I found it in myself to look at him, seeing that there was still a big smile on his face.

  Crap.

  “I couldn’t ask you to do that,” I said with a light chuckle, quickly looking away from him again as we reached the stairs to head down to the lower level of the school.

  “You wouldn’t be asking, dumbass. I offered. It’s the least I could do after—I mean, I just want to help.”

  “Still…” was all I managed to say before trailing off, raising my eyebrows at Leroy. Was he hiding something?

  I knew that I should do the work for myself, but I also knew that the chances of me doing it were slim. If I took Leroy up on his offer, at least I knew that it would get done and done right. It would save me from getting scolded by Ms Lane, and maybe even stop me from getting detention. She had given it to me before for not doing homework, so I didn’t want to put it past her.

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s no big deal,” Leroy tried to convince me, and I made the mistake of, once again, looking at him. I caved almost instantly.

  “Okay, fine. But I’ll shout you coffee all of next week to make up for it.”

  “No need. This is me making it up to you,” Leroy replied with a laugh.

  “Wait, what?” I responded, but Leroy shook his head.

  “Nope, can’t say!”

  It wasn’t long before I found myself leaning against my car, with Leroy sitting in the passenger seat, fiddling with the open door, while we waited for Andy and Blaire.

  “Oh, I forgot to ask,” Leroy suddenly said, just as I saw my other two friends push their way out of the school.

  “Hmm?” I hummed, indicating that I was listening.

  “Do you know how you’re having your eighteenth birthday party tomorrow night?”

  I nodded slowly. I had completely forgotten about my birthday. I had been so wrapped up in everything that was going on in my mind, the fact I was aging tomorrow had slipped my mind. Much to my own dismay, my parents had said a big party was a-okay. Which wasn’t my ideal way of celebrating something.

  However, Bradly had taken it into his own hands, and knowing him, the whole thing had grown legs of its own, and it was going to be hell. All I really know about the party is that Brad had managed to convince my parents to go away for the whole weekend—leaving before the party on Friday night. It was safe to say, I wasn’t looking forward to it.

  “Well, do we need to bring alcohol?” Leroy asked, pulling me out of my thoughts, and I watched him get out of the car.

  “You’d have to ask Brad.” I sighed. “Knowing him, he’s going to want to get me very drunk, so there’s probably going to be alcohol there.”

  “Hell yeah! Drunk Pete is the best Pete. Although, this time, you’ll be doing it legally.”

  “That was one time.”

  “I can’t believe you’re finally eight—uh, turning eighteen,” Leroy stated, seemingly ignoring my disinterest in the conversation, and continuing to bubble excitedly. “You’re the last person in our year to become… an adult!”

  There was something about Leroy that made me want to smile. It was something he’d always been able to do, but ever since the game on Monday, I’d been finding it harder to fight the urge. Even now, when all I felt was dread thinking of this party and having all those people in my house, Leroy was still able to make a smile tug at my lips.

  “Do you feel old?” Leroy asked, giving me a small nudge.

  “Well, he won’t feel old until tomorrow.” Andy’s oddly stern voice came from across the carpark as he and Blaire quickly walked toward us.

  “Tremendously.” I smiled at Leroy, though giving both of them a confused look.

  I did my best to pull my mind away from the party. Pull it away from all of those people that will probably go into my room.

  Fuck. The video.

  “Now, Pete, don’t get angry!” Andy said, coming to a stop beside Leroy, Blaire right next to him.

  “You are such an idiot!” Blaire sneered, punching him in the arm.

  Blaire was shaking her head, and Andy was looking sheepish next to her, rubbing his arm where she had punched him.

  “What did you do?” I asked, raising my eyebrows at the both of them

  “This dick-tit just told Donny you didn’t want him at your party,” Blaire explained, and I felt my stomach drop.

  Donny was not a terrible person. To everyone else. To me, however, he was the worst. He despised me. For one very straightforward and stupid reason. I dumped his sister
. For obvious reasons.

  A rumour had been going around that she liked me, and after a build-up, she’d asked me out. I had, stupidly, said yes. We’d dated for a little over a day before I grew a conscience and decided leading her on was horrible, so I broke up with her.

  She may have cried. Donny may have threatened me. Donny still threatens me. Andy may have just made it worse.

  “Dude, this was meant to help mend that bridge,” I moaned and felt Leroy’s hand rest on my back, which made my heart drop even more, though for a completely different reason.

  “I’m sorry! He was talking about the party and being a dick, and it just slipped.”

  “You’re lucky my fist doesn’t slip again,” Blaire warned, and Andy flinched.

  “Please, don’t hit me again.”

  “Look.” I sighed. “It’s fine. Just… try to fix it tomorrow.”

  “Of course,” Andy said with a small smile before yelling, “shotgun!”

  Andy rushed over to Leroy and I and slipped behind us, getting into the front seat of my car.

  “I’m so glad I don’t have to play that game.” I laughed and got in the car, catching a glimpse of a slightly disgruntled Leroy as I did so.

  “Speaking of the party,” Blaire started after we had all piled in my car, “Brad told me he doesn’t want you at the house while he sets up.”

  “Why?” I asked, bringing my car to life.

  “I don’t know. But you can come to mine after school. Family won’t be home, so we can get ready in peace. Then we can meet these two dumbasses on the way back to your place.”

  “Yeah, alright. Sound’s good.” I nodded at Blaire in the rear-view mirror and ignored the looks I got from Andy and Leroy.

  “Also, there will be another, ‘please don’t get mad’ moment coming, but it’s from all of us,” Andy said with a grimace, and I raised my eyebrows at him, glancing at my friends.

  “Please take us home now, and we will definitely talk to you tomorrow no matter what happens,” Leroy said with a broad smile, but there was something behind his eyes that told me something was going on.

  “I’m going to ignore that and pretend this conversation didn’t end on a weird note.”

  Shaking my head, and settling with a smile on my face, I started the journey home, stopping at everyone’s house on the way. Leroy wasn’t wrong when he said that we lived close to each other. The furthest one of us lived away from another, was me and Andy, who lived about a twenty-minute walk apart. Other than that, it was a hop, skip, and a jump.

  “There’s the birthday boy!” My mum exclaimed as soon as I walked through the front door of my house.

  “Mum,” I started as she enclosed me in a hug. “It’s not until tomorrow.”

  “Honey, it’s the twenty-fourth,” Mum said, pulling away from me and squinting at me, “of October. The date you were born.”

  “It’s the twenty-fourth today?” I asked quietly, silently questioning my entire existence.

  I was suddenly pulled out of my existential crisis when a bright flash went off in my face, and Bradly’s laughter rippled down the hallway.

  “What the hell is that?” I yelled, blinking a few times to get rid of the spots in my eyes.

  “It’s a camera,” Brad said, holding it up in front of him as he walked down the hall toward me. “It’s helped me capture the greatest prank I’ve ever done.”

  “Brad, what did you do?” My mum asked, giving him a stern look as I managed to push past the both of them.

  “Pretty much all year, I’ve been telling him his birthday lands on a Friday, and this week, I’ve been doing my absolute best to convince him the date is one day back.”

  I spun around as I reached the foot of the staircase and stared at Brad in disbelief. “Are you serious? I’ve been marking my work at school the wrong date!”

  “This is the best thing I’ve ever done.” Brad laughed as I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the date.

  “My phone says it’s…” I trailed off for a moment as I stared at my phones lock screen. “Wednesday the twenty-third.”

  “The hardest part was hoping you were a dumbass and wouldn’t look at the Wednesday part. Well, hoping isn’t the right word. I know you’re a dumbass.”

  “Brad!” Mum chimed in, and I shook my head at him as a sinking feeling began to weigh down on me.

  If I had missed my birthday, had all my friends forgotten? They had never done so before, which could only mean one other thing.

  “Those assholes.”

  “I’ve been messaging them all day, Pete,” Brad said, seemingly reading my mind. “Leroy was the hardest one to keep quiet.”

  “You’re such a slut,” I muttered, turning on my heel and heading up the stairs.

  “Peter!” Mum called after me, but I didn’t respond.

  Soon I was in my bedroom, I dropped my bag next to my bed and let my eyes linger on my computer. Part of me wanted to go and delete the video before the party tomorrow night, but another part felt as though I needed the video. Knowing that it was there helped me.

  Sighing to myself, I spun back around and headed out of my room. If today was my birthday, I was going to go and get my Goddamn presents. Maybe kick Brad’s ass while I was at it.

  -Five-

  Revelations

  The sound of my alarm drummed into my ears, and I let out a slight groan as I opened my eyes and moved my hand out from underneath me to turn it off. I was not a morning person. I didn’t understand how anyone could wake up from a restful sleep and be happy about it.

  “Peter, you’d better be getting up!” My mum's voice floated from where I assumed was the top of the staircase, causing me to stir under my blankets.

  “In a minute!” I called back, shoving my face deeper into my pillows and curling up into a tight ball.

  “I’ll beat your ass in a minute. Now get up!” She called back. I heard the sound of footsteps descending the stairs, and I let out another groan before practically falling out of my bed.

  In what seemed like the most gruelling ten minutes of my life, as it seemed like every morning, I managed to get dressed and make my way down the stairs.

  “It’s not like I haven’t been out of the country before, but I’ve never performed out of the country, and it’s quite a large tour as well.” Bradly’s voice drifted out of the kitchen and through the dining room as I wandered into it, slowly, but surely making my way to where his voice had come from.

  “Honey, it’s a great opportunity! I know it’s a bit daunting, but I don’t want to see you regret it if you don’t go.” My mum’s voice followed my brother’s just as I set foot into the kitchen.

  Both of them were sitting at the large island counter that sat in the middle of the kitchen, and both of them turned to look up at me as I entered.

  “I’ve just put some bread in the toaster, sweetie,” my mother stated, smiling at me, and I did my best to return it, though it didn’t have the same brightness as hers did.

  “It’s a big step. That’s all I’m saying.” My brother had turned his attention back to our mother, continuing their previous conversation.

  “What’s this?” I asked, grabbing some sliced cheese out of the fridge, deciding on a bland breakfast.

  “It’s called minding your own business,” Bradly commented, and my mum hushed him.

  “We both know I suck at that.” I let out a small chuckle and turned to face my mother and Bradly. “Is this for dancing?”

  “Performing,” Bradly corrected me, and I rolled my eyes.

  “And you perform by dancing.”

  “That’s not the point—" Bradly started, but our mum cut him off.

  “Yes, it is.”

  “Oh, sweet. That means I don’t have to care.” I smiled at Bradly and turned just in time for my toast to be ready.

  “Actually, you’ll be able to help him make a decision,” Mum stated, and I heard her push her chair out and walk over to me. “Just give a little insigh
t.”

  “What insight could I possibly give?” I asked, placing some cheese on my toast before taking a bite. “Plus, I’m still pissed about the birthday thing.”

  “He asks a good question, Mum,” Bradly chimed in, and my mum looked between us.

  “Fine, then, don’t. Sorry for thinking brothers could support each other.” With that, she walked out of the kitchen, leaving Bradly and me alone.

  “Seriously? Just cheese?” Bradly asked, staring at me with a questioning look and I let out a slight scoff.

  “Well, yeah. Wouldn’t want to get fat like you, would I?”

  “Hilarious,” Bradly said shortly, before looking down at the kitchen counter. “Do you think I should go?”

  “I was serious before. I’m still pissed about the birthday thing,” I muttered, my mouth full with my breakfast of bread and cheese.

  “The birthday present was my apology,” Brad said, stifling a laugh.

  “A game console doesn’t fix the emotional damage. And besides, I need more context on your situation to help,” I said truthfully, jumping up slightly to sit on the island counter.

  One thing I wasn’t too fond of in our kitchen was that there was barely any other counter space than the island counter, which meant that most of our appliances were scattered across it. Luckily, the bench had power points in its side. If it hadn’t, things would have gotten a little messy.

  “An opportunity has come up for me to audition for a show that would take me to Europe,” Bradly filled me in, and I nodded along with what he was saying. “I mean, it’s a crazy big deal, and it could open a lot of possibilities, but I’m not sure. Also, game console fixes all emotional damage, you baby.”

  “Well, the good news is, you may flop at the audition. And not even get in, then you won’t have to worry!” I said with a smile, and Bradly gave me a slight glare.

  “Okay, fine. I’m sorry about the prank,” Brad said, before muttering, “dick.”

  “Look, Brad. I think you’ve already got an answer to your problem,” I said, taking another bite out of my bland breakfast.