Aloft

by J F Rogers

  Not again.

  Alastar hopped up and dashed outside. Declan ushered me to follow, half carrying me.

  What the death toll was this time?

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  ◊◊◊

  I CLUTCHED KAI’S ARM as he led me, blindfolded, through the woods. Everything was being taken away from me—my friends, my sanity, and now, my eyesight. Not to mention the respect of the army.

  How did Sully function like this? But he had said he sees in his own way. And he’d shown me the angels in the spiritual realm before I’d gone to Alastar as Na’Rycha. So, it was different for him. That’s why he didn’t stumble when he walked and looked at people when they spoke.

  Other than last night. That was the first time I’d seen him stumble. Why did something about that nag me so? That and his ice-cold hands.

  No. He’d stumbled because he was rushing to me, and I probably had a fever. That’s why his hands felt so frigid. They probably weren’t actually cold.

  In any case, I didn’t have the ability to see here or in the spiritual realm. But at least my condition wasn’t permanent.

  “Watch your step,” Kai said.

  “I can’t watch my step,” I grumbled, fighting to control the urge to rip the blindfold from my eyes and throw Kai to the ground. Morrigan’s presence heightened my irritation a gazillion times. An inner rage boiled, ready to blow. My flesh, full of its own irritations and desires, had received a nitro boost.

  Kai lifted me over something. I almost thanked him. But just as I controlled Morrigan’s desire to be nasty, she controlled my desire to be nice.

  He is something to look at. Remove the veil and give us both an eyeful.

  I shuddered at Morrigan’s words. They disturbed me on so many levels. But I couldn’t engage with her. I had to control my thoughts. I envisioned Kai’s face to protect myself from falling into any of her traps.

  Wouldn’t you prefer to see his face? Touch it?

  Don’t talk to her, Fallon. Focus on walking. On Kai. Focus on following his lead.

  Sully’s words came flying back to me, “You must continue to resist her.”

  Standing on the promises that cannot fail…

  Agh!

  I laughed at Morrigan’s discomfort and continued my song as she seethed and retreated. It took all my senses and effort to trudge through the woods without vision. How did Sully manage it? Kai would pick me up occasionally, and I’d hear sloshing. Or he’d jump over something.

  I tripped over a root. “For Pete’s sake, why do I have to wear this blindfold? If Morrigan wanted to, she’d just rip the thing off. You’re only making things more difficult for me.”

  “Could she?” Kai sounded scared. He huffed. “It’s not me, Fallon. I’m not the one making you wear that thing.”

  “Sorry, I’m just complaining.”

  “As your mother said, it’s only to make everyone else more comfortable.”

  “I know. I know.” But it wouldn’t stop me from complaining. “Have we fallen behind? I can’t hear the others.”

  “A little. Here.” He stopped, and I lurched forward. “Get on my back.”

  I reached out for his shoulders. “Are you sure?”

  “Of course.”

  I hopped on, his sweet pine aroma calming me. Thank You, God, for Kai. Sully, my mother, and my brothers too.

  Morrigan recoiled, slithering away to a deeper recess.

  Even though we trudged through the thicket in silence, I sensed the others nearby. Especially Sully. Morrigan must sense him too. It kept her at bay. As did the songs that played in my head.

  Kai adjusted me on his back. I wanted to ask how many people died last night. But there was no use. No one would tell me.

  Those poor men. Their demise reminded me of the time Stacy’s mom bought a fish tank. She knew nothing about caring for fish. But that didn’t stop her. She bought a school of little neon fish because they looked pretty and she liked seeing so many. She later brought home two bigger ones.

  We never saw them fight or even nip at each other. But every morning, Stacy would wake up and find one or two smaller fish missing. One day she found a floating head. But most mornings, no evidence of foul play existed.

  I never understood how the bigger fish acted so docile during the day. The tank must’ve become something from a Stephen King novel every night when the murderer became active. After ten days, the little fish were no more. Once the bigger fish died, Stacy’s mom made the entire tank disappear.

  We lived in that tank of horror.

  Morrigan seemed to enjoy my reliving the tale. Sicko.

  Standing on the promises of God.

  Curses!

  We stopped to make camp. No one allowed me to light fires or help. Or see. Kai delivered me to a log and left to help, abandoning me on the sidelines, blindfolded, waiting to eat, sleep, wait more, and repeat.

  The waiting was the hardest part. When I had nothing else to concentrate on, my mind wandered… dwelling on my current situation. I had to fight my tendency to overthink. Morrigan’s presence lingered.

  How did Morrigan do this? Did she sit in meditation, doing nothing else but watching me? She had to take a break sometimes. Right? She wasn’t God. She couldn’t be in two places at once… even mentally. Could she?

  She was quiet. Still, I couldn’t risk letting my guard down. It took so much concentration not to allow certain thoughts that might give away our location or grant her an upper hand.

  How I wish I didn’t know our destination. My brain needed a break from fighting. How much easier it would be to say it.

  An undercurrent of eager anticipation surged through me.

  Morrigan. She was there. Biding her time. Waiting for me to slip.

  God, please help me.

  I peeled the bark from the log beneath me and focused on the sounds the army made as they set up camp. Metal clanging metal as men hammered stakes into the ground. Feet crunching twigs and debris. Fires crackling. Shouts breaking out. Indiscernible conversations coming to an end as they neared my perch.

  A smoky breeze swept past, and I coughed. I tapped my feet. Somehow, a rock had gotten into my right shoe. I removed it, knocked the shoe against the log, and then reached inside it to ensure the irritant was gone. My fingers touched something on the bottom of my shoe near where the ball of my foot had worn a small hole in the rubber. Great.

  Someone sat beside me, bringing a pine scent.

  “Kai.” My mind eased. Though it was easier to ignore my problem with others around, in other ways, it was more challenging. Talking to people put my guard down. I’d have to be diligent not to accidentally say, or think, the wrong thing.

  As much as I wanted to know how much further we had to go, I couldn’t ask. I hated being in the dark. And now, I was always in the dark, both literally and figuratively.

  “Your tent is ready.” He stood and led me through the entrance.

  The minute I stepped inside, I yanked the blindfold off. Although my eyes had been covered, not my mouth, I breathed easier. Dropping on my bedroll, I blew in frustration, sending a tuft of hair into my face. Aggravated, I pushed it behind my ear. “I’m getting so tired of this.”

  Kai held my hand. “You’ll get through it. I’ll help you.”

  I gazed at my hand in his. His comforting touch soothed me. But I couldn’t allow him to lull me into passivity. I had to stay alert. To fight. I pulled my hand away. “You can’t help me. No one can. My brain is occupied by a demon. It takes every ounce of energy to keep her out.”

  “Not to worry, Fallon.” Kai knelt before me and grasped my hands. “I’ve no doubt you’ll succeed.”

  “Don’t you know how exhausting it is?” I fell back on the bedding, fighting tears.

  “Fallon.” My mother’s voice. She sounded like she’d caught me doing something wrong.

  “What?”

  “What did I say about you and Kai being a
lone in the tent?”

  I bolted up and glared at her. Anger rose within me, laced with an evil that took great joy in my rage. I glared at Cataleen. “He is trying to help me.” I seethed, chest heaving. Who did she think she was? She met me when I was seventeen. Too late to act like a mom.

  Kai stepped back.

  “What are you doing for me? Huh?” I spoke through clenched teeth as my fingers dug into my knees. “You know what it’s like to have your mind taken over by a demon. I’m fighting not give her any information, and it’s driving me crazy. Do you think your ridiculous accusations are helpful?”

  Folding her hands, she took a deep breath. “I don’t know exactly what you’re experiencing. I never had information Aodan needed. He wanted to get me out of the way, drive me to kill myself so the prophesied child”—she motioned toward me—“would never exist. He never gave me a moment’s peace.” She scoffed. “It almost worked. I tried to kill myself.”

  I softened as a shudder quaked over her and Morrigan delighted in her pain. Which was worse? Having a malevolent being wait for you to slipup or aggressively attack? Probably the aggressive attack.

  She sat next to me. “I trust you, Fallon. You’re a good girl.” She smiled at Kai. “And you seem like a nice boy. That is not my concern with you being alone. Although, even under normal circumstances, it’s better not to put yourselves in that position.”

  Nice girl? Boy? I fought the urge to smack her. Instead, I peeked at Kai. His tan cheeks rosier, he watched his shuffling feet. “What is it, then?”

  “Well… ” She stretched her arms, then refolded her hands in her lap. “When my brother occupied my mind, he drove me to do things. Like I said, I tried to kill myself, but not as an attempt to escape his torture. He had gained enough control to make me act. His command was a continual, growing thing. You have Morrigan in your mind. With her magic, we don’t know what she’s capable of or at what rate she’ll progress.”

  “You think she’d get me to harm Kai?”

  A solemn nod. “She might. She will want to cause as much damage as possible. There’s no telling what she might do through you to unsuspecting people.” She clasped Kai’s hand. “No offense?”

  Kai shrugged. “None taken.”

  “But what about you? You sleep in my tent. Alone. Aren’t you in danger?”

  “I’m willing to take that risk.”

  “But if Morrigan is so powerful within me, why doesn’t she tear off the blindfold and figure out where we are?” The idea amused Morrigan.

  I stared at Cataleen, waiting for a response. But we both knew the answer to that. Morrigan already had all the information she needed at the moment. Our dying watchmen were evidence enough. Still, I voiced what we both knew. “She doesn’t need to. The blindfold is useless.”

  “She doesn’t seem to have enough control over you to cause direct physical harm. But that doesn’t mean she won’t gain strength. Remember what Sully said. It’s different with this magic-made version of the mind-link.” My mother sighed. “And I’m sure she’s thought of that. She probably has other plans.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  ◊◊◊

  THAT NIGHT I DREAMED of the beach again. Like before, no one occupied the shore. I didn’t dare turn to my left. I sensed Morrigan. But my body itched to know for sure. I craned my neck, twisting my body as my feet remained planted. Sure enough, Morrigan stood behind me. I tried to run, but my feet wouldn’t budge.

  A slow smile slithered across her face, failing to reach her soulless eyes—twin black holes that sucked the life from anything good. Her hand clutched my throat. I hadn’t seen her move.

  My hands hung, useless stumps at my side. Why couldn’t I move? I coughed as her fingers cut off the air to my lungs.

  “Fallon!” Something gripped me. “Fallon, wake up!”

  My hands rushed to my throat, ripping out of Cataleen’s grip while I thrashed on my bedding. She backed away as I remembered where I was. “I’m sorry. She—she—”

  “Morrigan was choking you?”

  I probed my throat for evidence. Leaning forward, I bared my neck to my mother. “Did she leave a mark?”

  “Oh, child.” Cataleen shook her head, pity softening her purple eyes. I resisted the urge to smack it from her face. “There wouldn’t be a mark. She wasn’t here.”

  “Why would she attack me in my dreams?” I slumped and rubbed my throat.

  “I can’t pretend to understand a demon’s reasoning.” She quirked her lips. “She’s probably attempting to weaken you. Creatures like that dominate through isolation and fear. She’s slowly cutting you off from all but a few. And if she can keep you afraid, she’ll keep you complacent. But that’s good. It means she’s afraid.”

  “If she’s so scared, why doesn’t she kill me?” I almost wished she’d take me out of this game. I didn’t want to play anymore.

  “She’s tried that. Look how well it’s worked out for her. The first time she killed Aodan instead. The second time she sent Alastar and Declan after you. Both are no longer fasgadair. She’s lost so much of her army. And they can’t use their instincts to kill anyone, or she’ll lose more. Once we infiltrate these lands, we’ll have contaminated their food source. They have no way of knowing which food is clean to eat. But the biggest reason is likely that she knows God is protecting you.” She chuckled. “No wonder she’s afraid.”

  Everything my mother said made sense. But Morrigan was more powerful than I was. And her presence exhausted me. And now I wouldn’t be able to find relief in sleep? Isolated, exhausted, possessed.

  I’d go insane. My mind was not my own. If this got much worse, would there be anything left of me? By the time we reached her, I’d be useless.

  ****

  After a week of walking, I grew more tense. Constant pressure and lack of sleep had wound me tighter than a frayed guitar string, ready to snap. I struggled to distinguish between Morrigan and me. Was the constant anger bubbling under the surface all me?

  My new reality was a continual tension between giving in to violence and dissolving to tears. Nothing about me felt familiar. Never had I been so unbalanced, even at my most bitter, before I had God, when I despised my life to the point of cutting myself, with no family except Fiona and only one friend. I wanted to rip myself open and relieve myself of Morrigan’s burden, even if it meant ending my life.

  Intermingled with all this anger threatening violence and bitterness taking root was a perverted happiness that clearly wasn’t me. The mixture of evil and happiness made me sick to my soul. That’s why I hated horror movies with clowns or that sicko with the lollipops in Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang. Watching those things filled me with that same feeling… Only this was infinitely worse.

  Why didn’t Morrigan attack us already?

  “Ow!” I stumbled over something. Kai’s grip on my arm tightened, holding me upright. “Are you trying to kill me?” It would be nice if he let me hitch a ride on his back, but he was probably afraid I’d choke him. He kept me at a greater distance now—not that I blamed him.

  “Sorry, Fallon. I didn’t see that root under the grass.” His voice sounded remorseful… and scared. Gone was the Kai who joked in most every situation. His confidence seemed to be waning. He must be tiring. The journey was hard enough without having to guide a blindfolded demon-possessed freak who might bite your head off. Or who’s head might spin around and projectile vomit split-pea soup.

  I opened my mouth to apologize.

  No. It was his fault. He should be more careful.

  Agh! At this rate, my sanity would be gone far before we ever reached the battlefield.

  Fulfilling Morrigan’s plan, I’m sure. I was more than useless. I was a liability.

  Each night, the fasgadair picked off our men. Like the big fish, they appeared in the night, taking out more watchmen. And we were helpless to stop it. Or so they said.


  “Why don’t we travel at night and camp during the day? That’s how Cahal made us travel last year.” I asked whoever listened and dared speak with me. “We wouldn’t be losing men every night.”

  “There’s a good chance we’d lose more men each night if we traveled that way.” Alastar’s voice came up from behind me.

  “You know we can’t discuss strategy with you.” My mother’s voice came from my left. “Just trust that we’re doing the best we can.”

  “I know.” Did I, though? Or did I think I’d come up with a better plan? I’m sure they had their reasons for every choice they’ve made along the way. But I hated not knowing… not being included.

  Wasn’t that the story of my life? Being on the outside? Never included in anything? Most people at least had a family that loved them.

  No. I would not allow myself to throw another pity party.

  I recalled several songs from church. They jumbled together into mash-ups, but they were becoming my lifeline—the only thing allowing me to keep a grip on reality.

  “Step this way.” Kai pulled me to the right. “Duck your head.”

  Following his directions, I made it past whatever he maneuvered me through. He did a good job leading me. I couldn’t see the terrain, but it wasn’t smooth. Guiding me through it couldn’t be easy. If we got through this, we could get through anything.

  An evil rumble of disgust coursed through me.

  We came to a stop and set up camp. I continued to sit idle, waiting. Once my tent was ready, I ducked inside and peeled off the blindfold. I blinked a few times and exhaled lungs full of pent-up tension once my vision returned. My shoulders tensed. I’d hopped from one cage to another.

  I stooped to my pack and unrolled my bedroll, then moved to unpack my mother’s.

  “What do you mean, I can’t see her?” Pepin’s voice floated through the tent.

  Oh no. If I heard Pepin that meant…

  Standing on the promises of God.

  I plugged my ears, dropped my mother’s bedding, and paced, repeating a jumble of hymns.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight