Spider

by SJ McCoy

  He relaxed when Tyler finally smiled, a much more genuine smile this time and held his hand out. “Glad to hear it. You wouldn’t last five minutes around here if you didn’t.”

  Spider shook with him, wondering if Tyler had changed his mind, or if the whole thing had just been a test.

  “So, you’re buying the bakery, huh?”

  “I’m hoping to.”

  “Where are you going to live? You can’t stay at the cabin forever. You’ll need your own place if you’re going to make the valley your home.”

  Spider glanced at Frankie. They hadn’t talked about it much and he wished that they’d had the chance to before he had to explain it to her cousin. She was looking up at him, waiting to hear what he had to say.

  “I know I’m going to have to find myself a place. But I’m hoping that I’ll be able to come and go. I still have my business, the coffee shop, and my life in LA. I don’t have it all figured out yet, but I’ll want to split my time between the two.”

  Tyler scowled. “So, you’re not all in.”

  Spider suspected that he meant with Frankie, rather than with building his life here, but he didn’t get the chance to answer before she did.

  Her arm tightened around his waist as she spoke to Tyler. “Not everyone sees things the same way you do, Ty. You can be all in on more than one thing at once. Spider’s looking to make his world, his business, his life bigger. He can live part of it there and part of it here. You don’t have to trade one life for another.”

  Tyler shrugged. “I guess.” He looked at Spider. “I haven’t been back here long. I left for the military.”

  “And never came back once,” added Frankie. “You could have had both lives, you know.”

  Tyler shrugged again and blew out a sigh. “I know. I just didn’t want this one.”

  Spider watched the exchange but knew that it wasn’t one for him to join. There was an undercurrent, history there that he wasn’t part of and knew better than to ask about.

  Tyler looked past them. “You met Jane yet?”

  Spider followed his gaze and smiled when he saw the woman he’d met in the bakery. “I have.”

  Tyler chuckled. “Blow my attempt to move the conversation away from the heavy stuff, why don’t you?”

  Spider had to laugh with him. “Sorry, dude. Let’s try that again. I’m not going to lie to you, so how about I go with, I only met her briefly, I’d love for you to introduce me properly.”

  Tyler grinned at Frankie. “Now, I can tell you that I like him.” He grasped Spider’s shoulder and started walking him over to Jane.

  Spider looked back at Frankie, and she nodded happily before following them.

  ~ ~ ~

  It was past midnight by the time they got back to the cabin. Frankie cut the engine and turned to Spider.

  “Did you enjoy that?”

  He chuckled. “I really did. Way more than I expected to. More than I would have thought possible. I understand them wanting to check me out, wanting to make sure that I’m okay, but I thought it would take all night and probably a few more visits before they decided whether I’m worthy of you.”

  She laughed. “What a weird thing to say. Of course, you’re worthy. They needed to decide if they approved or not. And if they didn’t, that would have been their problem, not ours. And it was never in question anyway. They might act like dumbasses at times, but they know good people when they meet them. And you’re good people.”

  She unfastened her seatbelt and got out. Spider did the same and met her in front of the truck. She took hold of his hand and led him up onto the porch. “Mind if I ask you something?”

  “Anything.”

  She’d been planning to take him straight to bed, but before she did, she needed to know how he felt. It had been bothering her ever since he’d talked to Ty earlier.

  She led him to one of the rocking chairs and waited for him to sit before lowering herself onto his lap. His arms came around her and she leaned her cheek against his shoulder, breathing him in. She probably shouldn’t ask, but she needed to know.

  “When you told Ty that you want this place to be part of your life …”

  She could feel his heart beating harder and faster. Was that a bad sign? Was she putting him under pressure – or did he think she was about to? Oh, well. Even if she was, it was better that they both found out now.

  “… did you …” she didn’t even know how to ask the question. Why would she, even if she knew the right words to say. She didn’t plan to make the valley her home and stay here forever. Why would she ask if he did? But she’d started, so she had to say something. “Do you think … how much of your time do you think you’ll spend here?” She said the last part in a rush. Not asking the real question, but getting close.

  His arms tightened around her, and he pressed a kiss into her hair. “The honest answer is, I don’t know.”

  She let out a short laugh. “I know. I already knew that. I don’t know why I asked. Sorry.” She pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth and ran her hand over his chest. “Ready for bed?”

  He shook his head slowly. “That was the honest answer, but it wasn’t the whole answer. And before we go to bed, I think you should know what the whole answer is.”

  His hand closed around the back of her neck, and he pulled her into a long, slow, tender kiss that made her wish that his answer would be that he planned to stay here forever and wanted her to stay with him. And what the hell kind of crazy was she? It must be his kiss – it’d stolen all her sense.

  “I’ll still have to go back to LA to take care of the business, and to do my part at the center. But I intend to spend most of my time here. At least, in the beginning. For as long as you want me. Until you decide that you’re ready to move on.”

  Her heart thundered in her chest. He felt the same way she did? She looked into his eyes, searching for something that would tell her that she wasn’t getting too carried away here. That he’d somehow gotten himself in as deep as she had.

  He planted a kiss on her lips. “I’m not trying to put any pressure on you.”

  “It doesn’t feel like pressure.”

  His arms tightened around her. “What does it feel like?”

  She put her hand over his heart and could feel it thundering, matching her own. Confirming that whatever they were doing, wherever they were going, he was right there with her.

  “It feels like hope.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  “He’s a carnivore, Spider! That means he doesn’t eat grass.” Owen’s little eyebrows knit together.

  Spider couldn’t help laughing when Owen’s words made him realize that he’d been making chomping noises again as he’d dipped the little plastic allosaurus’s head into the grass absently. In his defense, he hadn’t really been paying attention. His mind had been going back through everything that had happened in the last few days. The week had flown by. Everything was moving along quickly and surprisingly smoothly with the bakery.

  His accountant had assured him that the business was solid. Oscar had offered him an interest-free loan so that he didn’t have to mess around with the bank as he’d put it. Spider had refused at first. It didn’t feel right to take his money. And even though Oscar saw applying for a bank loan as an unnecessary hassle, Spider was proud of himself that he was in a position to even think he could get one.

  Grace had talked him around on that one. She understood where he was coming from. In the days when they were living on the streets, neither of them would ever have believed that any bank would deem them worthy of a loan. She’d told him that he shouldn’t look at it that he needed charity from a friend – which was exactly how he’d thought of Oscar’s offer at first – but that they were so far beyond that point, that they were now the kind of people who didn’t need to stoop to letting banks leech off them anymore.

  “Spider?”

  He looked at Owen again. Damn. He needed to stay in the moment. To be right here and enjoy it w
ith the little guy. He already felt kind of guilty that he was spending more time with Frankie than with these guys – even though he knew it was what everyone wanted.

  “What’s up, little bud?”

  “Are you going to marry Frankie?”

  His heart thudded to a halt. That was quite a question. And the scariest thing about it was that he didn’t immediately say no.

  “I haven’t known her very long, bud.”

  Owen frowned. “Does that mean no?”

  “It means …” Shit, what was he even thinking? The answer was no. It had to be no, and he knew it. He wasn’t going to marry her because she wasn’t going to stick around. She didn’t want to be tied to one place and although she hadn’t said it in so many words, that also meant she didn’t want to be tied to just one guy. He knew it. But he couldn’t help thinking back to last weekend. To the way she’d said that him wanting to stick around as long as she wanted him felt like hope. “It means I’d like to think that maybe I will. But it’s too soon to say if it will happen.”

  Owen nodded solemnly. “I hope you do.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Because she smiles more with you, and you smile more with her. I like it when you smile. It means that you’re happy.”

  That put a huge smile on Spider’s face. “Yeah. You’re right, little bud. She does make me happy.”

  Owen nodded again. “And you make her happy.”

  “Was she not happy before?”

  “Yes. But not so much.” Owen’s little head cocked to one side as he thought the question over. “Now, she’s more relaxed, too.”

  Warmth spread through Spider’s chest at the thought that she was happy and relaxed because of him.

  “What are you two looking so pleased about?” Reid came out of the house carrying two glasses of lemonade.

  “Spider loves Frankie,” said Owen.

  Spider’s heart felt as though it was trying to beat out of his chest. Love? That was a big word. But how could he deny that it was what he felt when he’d just told Owen that he wanted to maybe marry her someday?

  Reid’s mouth twitched up into a smile, and he raised an eyebrow. “Are you sharing your secrets with Owen?”

  He shook his head. “I think it’s more like Owen’s sharing my secrets with me.”

  Reid laughed. “That makes sense. He sees things more clearly.”

  Spider got to his feet and spoke in a low voice. “You mean he’s a genius, and I’m a dumbass?”

  Reid laughed with him. “No. I mean, he’s not emotionally involved so he can see just the facts.”

  “I guess. And what about you? Emotions don’t tend to get in your way either. What facts do you see?”

  Reid gave him that sly smile again. “You’re asking me if I think you’re in love with her?”

  Spider nodded reluctantly. Apparently, he was. “I trust your judgment more than I trust my own.”

  “That’s hardly relevant. For me, it’s judgment. For you, it’s how you feel. For what it’s worth, I think you are in love with her. I wouldn’t have encouraged you so hard and pushed you along with the bakery if I didn’t.”

  “But that was right at the beginning. How could you … why would you think that so soon? Wouldn’t that be illogical?”

  “Absolutely. But love and logic don’t exactly go hand in hand. I wouldn’t say that they’re mutually exclusive, but it certainly seems that way sometimes. I can’t claim to understand love and all its workings, but I can tell you that in the time I’ve known Tara, I’ve learned a lot. I don’t think that it works on what people like to call an acceptable timeframe. I think love happens instantly, or perhaps it already exists between two people, and they only discover it when they meet. But then, perhaps because we don’t recognize it immediately, or perhaps because we refuse to believe it if we do, most people make themselves take much more time to accept that it really is love.”

  Spider stared out at the mountains as he mulled Reid’s words over. He wasn’t looking for love. He’d given up doing that a long time ago. Back when he was a kid. When he’d hoped that each new placement might be the one where he found it. He’d been disappointed over and over again. More than disappointed. The foster care system was a great idea. But like many great ideas, it didn’t pan out so well in reality. There were people who fostered because they genuinely wanted to offer love and a home to the kids they took in. He had to believe that. He’d even heard about it. But he hadn’t experienced that side of the system. Nor had any of his friends. He and Grace and Rocket and all the others he’d known as they bounced around from one placement to the next had only experienced the darker side of the system. He’d given up on his hope of finding someone who would love him when he was nine.

  He hadn’t revived that hope since. Sure, he loved Grace and he loved Owen. Even Reid and his brothers and their wives. But that was something different. Loving them was about them. It didn’t have anything to do with wanting or needing anything back from them. Anything in return. But loving a woman? That wasn’t about needing or wanting anything in return either – or maybe it was. Maybe it was about wanting her to feel the same way back. He didn’t know and he hadn’t needed to. It wasn’t something he’d allowed himself to consider. Until now. Until Frankie.

  “Have I left you speechless?”

  He turned back to Reid. “Yeah. I think you have.”

  “In a good way?”

  He nodded slowly. “I think so. Even if … if I do feel that way about her …” He couldn’t bring himself to say if I love her. It felt like such a new and fragile thing that bringing it out into the open might shatter it or blow it away, and he didn’t want to risk that.

  “If I do ...”

  He blew out a sigh. It didn’t matter if he did or if he didn’t, if he believed in love or if he were capable of it. There was no way. She was going to move on. She’d told him so herself. She cared about him. That was more than he could have hoped for. No way would he tie her down, lay any kind of guilt trip on her by saying those words to her.

  He might not know much about love, but he knew that it was a commitment. One that didn’t come lightly – whether it was for better or for worse. He’d seen it trap people when it wasn’t reciprocated, just as he’d seen it transform some of his friends’ lives for the better when it was.

  He met Reid’s gaze. “I do. I know I do. But it’s not what she needs. And even though I get what you mean about it not needing to happen on a conventional timeline. It still feels too soon. Too fast. I need to slow down.”

  “You need to do whatever feels right for you. That’s all I know. My only suggestion is that before you make any decisions either way, you check in with yourself. Make sure that you do what feels right and not what you think you’re supposed to.”

  “Thanks.”

  Reid nodded. “We’re going back to LA tomorrow night. Tara’s sister, Nicole, just called and asked us to go. Do you want to come? We’ll be back here on Sunday night.”

  Spider’s heart rate picked up again. He should go. He could check in on Daquan and Rocket at the coffee shop. He could spend some time at the center and check in with Terry. It made all kinds of sense. But he didn’t want to. Well, he wanted to go, but he didn’t want to be away from Frankie. She was going to show him around the barn. She kept teasing that she was going to get him up on a horse. He liked the idea but … hell, he’d admit it, they were so damned big, they kind of scared him.

  Reid cocked his head to one side. “Why don’t you ask Frankie if she’d like to come?”

  Wow. That hadn’t even occurred to him.

  “If things between the two of you go the way I expect they will, it only makes sense to bring her into your life in LA just as she’s invited you into her life here.”

  “Yeah. Right.” Spider ran his hand over his head. This felt weird, but it felt good. “I’ll ask her. Thanks, Reid.”

  “Of course. I know it would probably make more sense for Oscar or even TJ to be t
he one to assist you.” Reid shrugged, and the warmth of his smile proved his words. “But I’m glad that it’s me. When it comes to the female perspective, I can ask Tara and of course, you have Grace. But it feels good to have at least one brother I can help.”

  Spider’s throat tightened and his eyes stung. Reid had just called him a brother? Damn. “Thanks,” was all he could squeeze out without embarrassing them both.

  ~ ~ ~

  Frankie stopped at the bakery on her way back down the valley. It had been a long and frustrating day up in town. She didn’t enjoy anything to do with working with the school board. She got it. She really did. They had to have their standards and their compliance and their blah, blah, blah, yawn. She knew it was necessary and all in the best interests of the kids that she and the other teaching assistants worked with. But even though they couldn’t know that she cared enough and was smart enough to always do what was best for the kids, she knew it. She knew it about the other three assistants who’d been there with her all day, too. But society these days was such that no school board could afford to trust any individual. They had to legislate for worst case scenarios. Even if that meant frustrating the people who strived to ensure that only best case scenarios came about.

  She slammed the door of her truck, hoping that the gesture might expel her frustration. The day was over. She was headed home. Spider was cooking for her again. She didn’t know what, but she didn’t need to either. He hadn’t been exaggerating when he told her he was a good cook. She’d even suggested that he could expand the menu when he took over the bakery. She smiled at the memory. He’d told her that he had no interest in cooking for other people. It was a skill that he’d learned for his own enjoyment. She was the only person he’d shared it with – or wanted to.

  And just like that, her shitty day was forgotten, replaced with eager anticipation of the evening ahead. It didn’t matter what he cooked. It didn’t even matter what they did. She just wanted to be with him.

  She grinned at Jane, who was perched on a stool at the end of the counter. “Hey. What are you doing here? You can’t tell me there are no sick animals who need you.”