Matters of the Heart

by Catherine Maiorisi

  “What’s going on, Andrea? She’s never fallen asleep in the middle of a conversation. She seemed stronger in the hospital. Now she looks exhausted, has dark circles under her eyes and she’s lost weight. Is this normal?”

  “Don’t be upset with her.” Andrea took Candace’s hand. “She’s so stubborn, Candace. She’s not sleeping and barely eating but she denies it. Until she admits there’s a problem, we can’t address it.”

  “Is there anything I can do?”

  She squeezed Candace’s hand. “Just keep coming, even if she does fall asleep on you. I’m going to wake her now and tell her you’re leaving. Could you make a joke about her falling asleep on you? Maybe if she’s embarrassed, she’ll talk to me.”

  Andrea rubbed Darcy’s shoulder. “Sweetie, Candace is leaving.”

  Darcy woke with a start. “Oh, sorry, I closed my eyes for a second.”

  Candace took Darcy’s hand. “Uh-uh, my friend. You fell asleep while I was baring my soul. Is the fact that Lucia and I are dating that boring?”

  “I heard you. I wasn’t asleep.”

  “Hey, I know snoring when I hear it. Poor Andrea, I never realized you made such a racket. Maybe it’s old age.”

  “You lie. I don’t snore. And I’m only three months older than you so you can’t say old age.”

  Andrea watched them banter. It was nice to see Darcy being more like herself.

  “I’m leaving now, but next time I come I’m bringing a whistle and if you fall asleep on me I’ll blow it in your ear.” Candace kissed them both goodbye and sauntered out of the garden.

  Darcy took Andrea’s hand and kissed her palm. “I don’t snore, do I, love?”

  Andrea turned her hand so they were palm to palm, and entwined her fingers with Darcy’s. “You don’t sleep long enough these days to snore.”

  “What does that mean?”

  With her free hand, she tilted Darcy’s face up, so they were eye to eye. “It means when you start to fall asleep in front of your friends, I really worry.”

  Darcy tried to turn away but Andrea held her chin in place.

  She closed her eyes. “What do you want me to say?”

  “Please don’t hide from me, Darcy. I’m not blind. I see you’re not sleeping and barely eating. Tell me what’s going on. Whatever the problem, we can fix it.”

  Darcy struggled to turn her face away, but Andrea held on. She kissed each of Darcy’s eyes. “Please talk to me. You’re pushing me so far away I might as well be in Sicily.” She let go of Darcy’s face and took her in her arms. She listened to the thump, thump, thump of Darcy’s heart. “Your heart is so strong I can hear it without a stethoscope.” She felt Darcy’s body contort, trying to hold back the sobs. “It’s just a matter now of letting your chest heal and building your strength. You need to sleep and eat and exercise to do that.”

  Darcy tensed. “I’m afraid if I fall asleep, I won’t wake up. When I wake up in the dark, I panic, thinking I must be dead. I didn’t want to live without you, Andrea, now I’m afraid I’m going to die.”

  Andrea held her until she began to relax, then pulled away so Darcy could see her face. “Trust me. There is no way in hell that I’m going to let you die. We’ll sleep with the lights on and I’ll hold you all night so I can feel you breathing, feel your heart. We can get through this together, Darcy.” She placed Darcy’s hand over her own heart. “Can you feel how strong your heart is, Darcy? Before surgery, I could barely feel it.”

  “It does feel strong.”

  “I have one other thing we need to discuss. Why aren’t you eating? Wait, let me rephrase that. I notice you’re eating lettuce with no dressing and nothing else. Why?”

  Darcy shrugged.

  “Darcy?”

  “I’m afraid I’ll clog my arteries again and I’ll have another heart attack.”

  “Do you remember that one of the first things I did when I came to take care of you was insist you eat a heart healthy diet?”

  Darcy smiled. “How could I forget?”

  “I promise, I won’t let you eat anything that will hurt you. But you need to eat what I serve you.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “No. You will eat.” She considered Darcy for a minute. “Could I feed you for a few days? I’d like to do it.”

  “No choo-choos or airplanes?”

  “You know I don’t do choo-choos or airplanes.” Her mouth quirked. “Maybe just a little eye sex.”

  “How come you always bring up sex?”

  “Hmm, could it be because I’m madly, wildly in love with you and looking forward to the day when we have permission?”

  Darcy picked up Andrea’s hand and kissed her palm. “I would love for you to feed me.”

  Andrea took her hand back and kissed Darcy on the lips. “I promise to keep you safe.”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Having confessed her fear of sleeping to Andrea, Darcy was more relaxed than she’d been in days. Now if she could get Darcy eating, she would be on the road to recovery. But they’d forgotten that Tori and Elle were coming for lunch and hadn’t discussed whether it was all right for Andrea to feed Darcy in front of them. Andrea watched Darcy push her food around on the plate while joking with her friends, and considered whether she’d be doing more harm than good if she attempted to feed her.

  With her eyes on Darcy, Andrea put some fish on her fork and lifted it. Preparing herself for an angry attack, she moved the fork toward Darcy who was speaking. Darcy finished her statement, turned to Andrea, opened her mouth to receive the food, then pushed her plate over to Andrea. Andrea let her breath out, and followed immediately with another forkful from Darcy’s plate. Elle, she knew, would be cool but she chanced a glance at Tori, not sure how Darcy would deal with a joke. Tori seemed intent on her lunch.

  “So aren’t you going to comment, Tori?”

  “On what, Darce?” Tori looked up. “I was just trying to figure out if Elle would feed me if I asked nicely. You know how I feel about being fed.” She winked. “Sexy.”

  Darcy laughed. The other three followed.

  It was slow going getting her to eat, she chewed each bite thoroughly, then took her time swallowing. The others were drinking coffee and Darcy had only eaten half her lunch when she put her hand up to stop the next forkful. “Enough. I’m stuffed.”

  Andrea knew to pick her battles and this was not the time, but it was a beginning. She put the fork down.

  Darcy suddenly got serious. “There’s something I wanted to discuss with you three.” She looked at each of them, then grinned. “I’d like to make a plan for another weekend in Fire Island. Can you two do it?”

  With Darcy’s attention on Tori, Elle turned to Andrea with a question on her face. Andrea shook her head. She hoped Elle would take the lead and be the bad guy on this one.

  Elle touched Darcy’s hand to get her attention. “Isn’t it a little too soon to go traipsing off to the wilds of Fire Island? I know you think you’re superwoman but you did just have major surgery.”

  Darcy frowned. “No, I can…” She turned to Andrea. “Can’t I?”

  “Julie will probably clear you in a few weeks, I think. Focusing on cardio rehab, eating and sleeping in the meantime will speed the healing process.”

  Darcy shot Andrea a look of betrayal. “But I thought—”

  “Mid-August is still summer. Let me know when you’re ready to discuss details.” Tori took Darcy’s hand. “And speaking of Fire Island, I’ve been wondering about the ravaging. How’s it going?”

  Darcy’s eyes swung to Andrea, asking permission.

  She nodded. Bless you, Tori, for changing the subject. The last thing Darcy needed was a temper tantrum.

  “Actually, it’s not. Dr. Castillo says we have to wait another three or four weeks.”

  Tori rocked back in her chair and stared at them. “Shit. But, hey, you guys seemed to manage before you actually got together.”

  Darcy looked puzzled. “What do you mean
manage? We’ve never made love.” She blushed.

  “Well, I don’t know what you were doing but you two were positively glowing all that weekend. Right, Elle?”

  “Yes, they were, but this conversation is intrusive, Tori.”

  Andrea was burning with embarrassment. Darcy took her hand, held her eyes for a second, then the burning became sexual. “It’s all right, Elle. You were seeing our feelings for each other, our love, unspoken by my lovely doctor, but acknowledged in other ways. Nothing to do with ravaging, everything to do with proximity and electricity between us. I’ll bet lust can make you rosy-cheeked and starry-eyed. Right, Tori?”

  Tori laughed. “I suggest you have a fire extinguisher nearby when you finally get to it.”

  Elle smacked her on the arm and they all laughed.

  Andrea looked at Elle. “Is she like this all the time, or is it just with Darcy?”

  “Mainly, just Darcy. But in Tori’s defense, Darcy did this to us when we first got together.”

  “Ah, now I see. The old tit for tat.”

  Darcy cleared her throat. “Um, don’t get her started on tits, Andrea.”

  They all laughed.

  Andrea loved spending time with Tori and Elle. The conversation was always interesting, she always felt their love, and Tori always made Darcy laugh and that was good for her spirits and her recuperation.

  As they were leaving, Tori whispered an apology for grossing her out. Andrea kissed her cheek. “You didn’t gross me out. I’m sure you’ve noticed I blush easily. Thank you for pulling Darcy back from the precipice of a screaming rage.”

  Tori pulled Andrea into a hug and squeezed her hand. “She often seems on the edge these days and it can’t be good for her heart.”

  “She’s pretty fragile but we’re working on it. The better she feels the less anxious she’ll be.” Andrea pulled away. “You are by far the best medicine I can think of for her, so please visit as often as you can.”

  “Hey, what’s all that whispering?” Darcy glared at them. “Bad enough you got to Elle first, now you’re after Andrea’s heart?”

  “Ah, Darcy, would that I could steal her heart but she’s already given it to you. But now that I know her body is avail—”

  This time it was Andrea who punched her shoulder. “Oh no you don’t.”

  Tori shrugged. “My loss.” She kissed Darcy. “Keep up the good work, Darce, you’re looking fabulous. I’ll see you for lunch in a day or so. Take care of my girl, Andrea.”

  Chapter Forty

  They could have come to Fire Island in mid-August rather than the weekend after Labor Day, but the stronger Darcy got, the more vigorously she brushed aside suggestions of a weekend in Fire Island. This puzzled Andrea, but when Jenny casually mentioned how well Darcy was doing in cardio rehab and that she had been climbing four to six flights of stairs with no problems, she had an aha moment. The ability to climb stairs without getting out of breath was a measure of readiness for sex and she was sure Darcy was afraid she’d die if they had sex. In fact, she realized, she harbored the same fear. So she’d asked Julie to do some tests, including a treadmill stress test to reassure both of them, then she had enlisted Tori and Elle to prod Darcy into making the trip.

  Although Andrea hadn’t broached the subject with Darcy, sex loomed large in her mind on the silent drive to the Fire Island ferry. They loved each other, their sexual connection flared with just eye contact or a kiss, and there was no physical reason they couldn’t make love. It was time. She resolved to confront the issue of their making love whether or not Darcy had a meltdown. The good news was Darcy’s heart now could withstand the rush of sex and/or a meltdown. It would work out, wouldn’t it?

  Once they boarded the late afternoon ferry, they both relaxed. Darcy reached for her hand and caressed it while chatting with other passengers who stopped to say how happy they were to see her looking so well.

  “Welcome back.” Gloria greeted them with a big smile as they walked off the ferry. “You look like your old self, Darcy.”

  “Thanks, Gloria, I feel like my old self. Better, actually.” Thanks to Andrea and three times a week in cardio rehab and at home exercising with Jenny, she was sleeping better, eating more, gaining weight, building muscle, and no longer needed assistance walking.

  Andrea pointed out their suitcase and packages and helped Gloria stack them on her wagon. “Your groceries arrived on the early ferry and I stashed everything in the fridge and the closet.”

  Darcy squeezed Gloria’s shoulder. “Efficient, as always.”

  Gloria smiled. “Flatterer.” She turned and pulled the wagon toward the house.

  Andrea slipped her arm through Darcy’s and pulled her close. “It must feel good to be here sans wheelchair and casts.”

  Darcy nodded but Andrea felt her tense. Damn, this wasn’t supposed to be stressful. She supposed Darcy was remembering the feelings between them the last time they were here and getting anxious. Well, she was anxious too, but she wasn’t willing to go on this way. She didn’t look forward to Darcy’s rage when she confronted her about their sex life or lack thereof but there was no reason they couldn’t consummate the relationship. She smiled at the thought.

  “What are you smiling about?” Darcy sounded annoyed.

  “Just remembering what a nice time we had the last time we were here.”

  “Maybe we should have waited to come with the others tomorrow. I mean we always have a lot of laughs when we’re all together.”

  “We had a pretty good time all by ourselves the last time. I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

  At the house, Gloria placed their suitcase in the suite and the package with their dinner in the kitchen, then took off. Before heading into the suite, Andrea hugged Darcy. “Relax on the deck while I settle in, then we can eat dinner.”

  The curtains billowed in the gentle breeze and early evening sunlight and the fishy tang of the sea filled the room as Andrea unpacked their clothing and cosmetics, and the candles she lit at night so Darcy wouldn’t have to sleep in the dark. She turned down the bed. Unlike their last visit, there would be no pretense of not sleeping together tonight. And, hopefully, they would make love for the first time. She felt confident having sex wouldn’t kill Darcy, now all she had to do was convince Darcy.

  Andrea joined Darcy on the deck with a glass of wine for each of them. “How do you feel about what Julie said this morning?”

  “Great. It’s good to know that it’s all healing as it should.”

  “Uh-huh.” She kissed her temple. Then why do you sound like you’re about to walk the plank? She patted Darcy’s hand. Better to discuss it later, when we’re in bed. Andrea closed her eyes, enjoying the freshness of the ocean air, the sound of the squawking seagulls and the taste of salt on the light spray carried to the deck by the gentle wind that ruffled her hair. But above all else, she was aware, in every cell of her body, of Darcy, of her beauty, of her scent, of her anxiety.

  They didn’t speak much as they ate at the table on the deck but the silence was comfortable and the fact that occasionally their eyes met and sparked before Darcy could break the connection encouraged Andrea to go ahead with her plan.

  Darcy cleared the dishes while Andrea marinated the chicken for tomorrow’s dinner, then Andrea suggested they sit on the deck off the bedroom or get into bed to read. Darcy went right into the shower. Andrea considered joining her but thought that might be too aggressive.

  When Darcy came out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around her, Andrea nearly tossed her on the bed and ravaged her, as Tori had advised, but at this point, Darcy required more delicacy than the cavewoman approach afforded. Maybe next time. Prickling all over with desire, Andrea moved to Darcy, trailed a finger along the part of the scar visible above the towel, then planted a kiss on it. “You’re healing really well.” Darcy shivered and turned away.

  Andrea stepped into the shower and allowed her fantasies to run wild, thinking about Darcy’s newly muscled legs and a
rms, her flat stomach, the soft mounds of her breasts, and her ass, as firm and beautiful as the first time she saw it. After drying herself, she pulled on the pajamas that Darcy had swooned over months ago, cotton shorts that barely covered her crotch and a skintight tank top without a bra.

  Darcy was reading in bed, as close to the edge as she could get without falling off. When Andrea walked into the room, she looked up. Her flashing sapphire eyes widened and darkened and she made a small sound. Andrea hoped it was a moan of desire, not anger. She pretended she hadn’t heard it but her heart was beating so fast it seemed to be turning inside out. Wouldn’t it be ironic if she had a heart attack?

  She lit all the candles, then climbed onto the bed and ran her hand over Darcy’s body. Darcy shivered. She whispered in Darcy’s ear. “I love you, Darcy Silver, and I’m dying to make love to you.”

  Darcy pulled her head away. “I’m not ready.”

  “You don’t have to do anything. I’ll stop if you feel uncomfortable.”

  “Maybe we should wait until tomorrow, you know, when Julie and Francine are here, in case something happens.”

  At least she hasn’t mentioned having an emergency helicopter standing by. Andrea put a hand on Darcy’s shoulder. How can I help my poor sweetie get past her fear? “I was afraid that your heart would give out too but the tests and Julie reassured me that your heart is stronger than ever.”

  “I can’t believe you talked to Julie about us having sex.”

  “Who else would I talk to, Darcy? She’s my best friend and your cardiothoracic surgeon. She said there’s no medical reason we can’t have sex.”

  “I’d feel better if we waited until tomorrow night.” Darcy turned to put her book on the night table next to the bed, turned the lamp off and lay with her back to Andrea.

  Andrea stroked Darcy’s back. “Don’t turn away from me, sweetie. I’ll wait as long as you want, but I won’t tolerate being cut off from you.”

  * * *

  Darcy rolled toward Andrea and felt a stab of pain at the love she saw on her face. She kissed Andrea’s lips gently to reassure her, then pulled back and, without meaning to, was eye to eye with her. As usual, the connection between them burned through her body and throbbed in her groin like a hunger she could never satisfy. She’d wanted to make love to Andrea, had desired her from the first day they met and had dreamed and fantasized about her ever since.