No Regrets

by B. B. Donnelly

  “So why haven’t you turned me in?” I ask.

  “Because I owe your father my life and I promised him I would help you. Whether you believe me or not, your father was a good man, one that I respected and was proud to call my friend.” His face and tone are very serious. I put my gun away.

  “So, you believe that my uncle killed my father?” I ask, please someone believe me.

  “No.” He responds and my hope falters, but he continues, “he didn’t personally kill your father, but he ordered it to be done.” I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding.

  “Do you know that for a fact?” I ask, praying he will say yes. He gives me sad smile.

  “No, I don’t. He kept me out of the loop on that mission, which is odd in itself.”

  “How is it odd?”

  “Those computers in the other room… well, I run the missions from here.” He must have seen something on my face. “Before you freak out, your uncle doesn’t know where I run the missions from, everything is done with technology.” Duh! Charlie was the guy, the other tech guy, Stan, was talking about. How did I not put two and two together? Sometimes I think I’m not cut out to be an agent.

  “But all technology can be traced, right?” He looks offended.

  “I’m one hundred percent positive that no one will find me.” He huffs and takes a giant mouthful of noodles. I give him a pointed look.

  “Okay, fine. I’m a hacker, a damn good one too. I was young and stupid, but I was good. I was feeling cocky one day and the government caught me snooping. I wasn’t very careful and next thing I know I was arrested. Instead of going ahead with the trial, they offered me a job.” He says, taking another mouthful. The guy looks to be early twenties. How long has he been working with the organization?

  “How old were you when you were caught?”

  “Sixteen.”

  “How old are you now?”

  “Twenty- three.”

  “You mean to tell me; you have worked for the organization for about seven years?”

  “Yep.”

  “You were just a kid.”

  “So are you.” He replies. I start to shake my head in protest, but he interrupts, “This is our life. The organization picks them young so they can manipulate them into what they want.” He sounds so bitter.

  I let it go and we both finish our dinner. He grabs a beer and pours me a glass of wine. I decide to change the subject.

  “How did my father save your life?” His face falls with my question.

  “It’s a long story.”

  “I’ve got time.” I say going to sit by him on the couch. He leans back and turns on the television with the remote. He turns the volume down. He catches me watching him. I continue to study him. He seems genuine. I take a sip of the wine, waiting for him to start. When I think, he isn’t going to tell me, he takes a swig and begins talking.

  “When I was eighteen, I fell in love with a girl named Maddie. She wasn’t part of the organization and I think that was part of why I loved her so much. Anyway, we decided that we wanted to get married. I was getting ready to be promoted to agent, but she thought I worked as a security guard at a bank. Once I was an agent, I had a kill mission. I was supposed to kill this spy. I won’t go into the details, but let’s just say that when the time came, I didn’t want to kill the target.”

  “You choked?” I ask, quietly.

  “No, not at all. When I was briefed, I was told that a woman was the spy. I had been raised to never raise a hand to a lady. It was hard for me to look at her, this young, twenty something girl. Her whole life was ahead of her and I took that from her.” He says, eyes far away in memories. I reach out to touch his hand. “I was just a computer geek. I liked to surf the web and surf the waves. I wasn’t a killer, but to work for the organization in any aspect, you must go on a mission.” He paused and I could see the sorrow pouring off him.

  “After that mission, I decided I wanted to resign. I wanted a normal life, but the government would throw me in jail for my hacker charges and my life with Maddie would no longer be the same.” He takes a deep breath. “I went to your uncle to see if he could help me. He said that he could. I’ll never forget the day, he looked me in the eyes and told me I was free of all charges and I was free to live my life.” From the look in his eyes, I can tell this story does not have a happy ending.

  “I guess I never realized how important I was to the organization. I was the one person that had gained access to most if not all of the government’s secrets.” I can already see where this is going. “You know what that means.” I nod my head. He was a threat even if he never told a soul. The government couldn’t take the chance. Someone with that amount of important information and not under their complete control would be eliminated.

  “I was given a warning. A very brutal warning. I had started a side business fixing people’s computers. When I came home one evening, I walked in to find Maddie tied to the bed, brutally beaten and raped. She told me through split lips that this was a message for me. I couldn’t tell her why this happened to her.” His voice broke and I didn’t realize I was crying until I felt the tears on my cheeks. “I stayed with her until I knew she was okay physically. I couldn’t fix her mentally. The best thing I could do was leave her to live a normal life. I left her three years ago.” His eyes are distant. He suddenly looks back at me.

  “I went to your father. I knew that your uncle was behind the attack. I thought maybe I could get revenge, but your father told me the best thing to do was to come work for him. I didn’t know it, but there was a kill order out on me. Somehow, your father took the kill order off and warned me to keep the attack a secret. I went into your uncle’s office the next morning and told him I wanted to come back and work for him. He asked me about Maddie, and I told him that I had made a mistake. My loyalties were to the organization and I never let on that I knew he was behind it. I said some other convincing stuff that your father told me to say. Your uncle is really good at listening to what he wants to hear.” I can totally see that. My uncle is an idiot. He is a dangerous idiot, but still an idiot.

  “I was the perfect agent from there on out. I guess over time, your uncle began to trust me again; I was given full access once again. The whole time I have been reporting to your father.” He takes a drink of his beer.

  “Are you afraid of what will happen now that my father is gone?” I ask.

  “No, I have nothing to lose.” He says defiantly. I chug down the rest of my wine.

  “Yeah, well neither do I. I say, let’s take the bastard down.” I say with an evil smile. He chuckles.

  “It’s going to be hard, but I will help you.” Just then I hear a beeping sound. Charlie puts his beer down and stands up.

  “Well, I gotta get to work.” I look at him questioningly. He nods his head toward the office.

  “Come here.” He heads for the office and I quickly follow him. He turns on the lights and strides over to the computer screens. Pushing a few buttons, the computers light up. He puts a finger to his mouth, motioning for me to be silent. He puts on an ear piece and presses the button on the side.

  “Ready when you are.” He says. I cock my head trying to listen to the other person. He notices and clicks another button.

  “We are getting into position.” I hold back my gasp when I hear Jackson’s voice. I look at the computers and see three green dots moving toward a structure. There are five blue dots surrounding the rear. I’m watching a mission in action. From the red info ray dots in the middle of the structure, I can tell those are the targets.

  “There are seven inside, near the center of the warehouse. Proceed with caution.” Charlie informs them. He points to the green dots, indicating that is Jackson.

  “Understood.” Jackson replies curtly. I can’t take my eyes off the screen as I watch the mission unfold. I don’t care about anything accept the green dots. As they move toward the red dots, I tense up. Charlie taps on a button and I can hear the agents spea
king to one another. They are receiving gun fire. It is so loud that I feel like I’m there. Suddenly, one of the green dots blinks out and I hear Charlie swear. My heart stops. It is too loud to hear over the gun fire who went down. I do my best to keep quiet. I know if we can hear them, they could hear us. Suddenly everything goes silent. I look at Charlie in panic. I see two green dots and the five blue dots. All the red dots are gone.

  “Target is eliminated.” I let out a relieved gasp, when I hear Jackson’s voice. Charlie looks up at me and rolls his eyes. What’s that about?

  “Confirmed.” With more tapping on the keyboards, Charlie says, “clean up is on its way.”

  “Bulldog is dead. We will take him with us.” I hear the sorrow in Jackson’s voice. I don’t know Bulldog, but any loss of an agent is hard.

  “Confirmed.” I see a dark look pass over Charlie’s face. We watch as the team’s leave and the clean-up crew takes over. When the mission is considered over, Charlie turns off the computers. He slowly turns towards me, looking at me, expecting the next words out of my mouth.

  “You run the missions.” I state. He nods.

  “I knew that you told my father about the missions, but I had no idea that you are the proof I need. Please tell me, you ran the extra missions!” He smiles enough to show teeth and I feel a grin forming.

  “Oh, this is great!” I clap my hands together and those dimples reappear, “We can ruin any missions that are not approved by the government! My uncle can’t get my money right now, so I know he will hire our services out.”

  My uncle has no idea what is going to hit him. Charlie looks at me seriously.

  “Well, that is the problem. I’m not sure which ones are approved by the government. I only know when it is over. When the mission is for the government, I send the paperwork to a division there, but when it isn’t, well your uncle tells me to destroy any evidence once it is over.” My face falls. He puts a hand up. “But I’m starting to recognize the signs so don’t give up, quite yet.” I take that into consideration when I realize something else. I have a sinking sensation.

  “Do you know who killed my father?”

  Chapter Seventeen

  His eyes widen in shock. “No, I told you I was not in charge of that mission. My guess is that it was done in private meetings with someone that your uncle manipulated. After the deed was done, I suddenly saw all this proof that your father was a traitor and since he was the head of the organization it was treated with the upmost secrecy. Somehow, your uncle convinced the government that it was a legitimate kill.” I nod in understanding.

  “What about me?” I ask. He looks at me in confusion.

  “What about you?” He asks.

  “The organization found my safe house. Did you send the agents away?” Understanding dawned on his face.

  “Mustang saw you and called it in.” It was just as I thought, he recognized me.

  “I don’t know exactly what happened for you to escape from the apartment, but the agents had you surrounded. I was getting nervous and trying to figure out how to call the agents off when Cowboy said he spotted you going northbound. The agents left. You never left the apartment building, did you?”

  I shake my head with a smile. I’m starting to trust him. “I hid in Boots apartment.”

  “Did he know you were there?”

  “Oh yes.” I say smiling at the memory. “He hid me, Charlie, for Cowboy.” I stopped grinning, “What does that mean?”

  “I think the real question is what is going on between you and Cowboy?” I look away from him.

  “I don’t want to talk about him.” I say. He stares at me for a moment and then leans over picking up the newspaper. I see my face on the front page. He flips it over to the announcements and there is Jackson and Brooklyn. It’s their engagement announcement. Brooklyn is smiling at the camera and Jackson is looking at her with love in his eyes. I feel like puking.

  “Is this the life you want?” He asks quietly. The picture blurs through my tears.

  “He will go home to her every night. She will get the most of him. She will share her life with him and have his children. What will you get? A few moments here and there?”

  “He said it is only a cover.” I say softly, not even believing myself. He gives me a sympathetic look.

  “Which life is real? The one with you or with her? Sometimes our covers become our life. Live the lie until it is real. That is the motto. You will always be waiting on the sidelines and you deserve so much more.” He says staring intently into my eyes. I swallow the tears back.

  “But what do I know. It’s your life.” He says, going back to his jerk ways. I stop him from getting up.

  “No, you’re right. It’s over, he broke it off and I…. I don’t want that. Thank you.” I say. His features soften. He gives me a slight nod.

  I let him get up and I follow him into the kitchen. We clean up our dinner mess and are lounging on the couch watching a crime show marathon when there is a dinging noise followed by a knock on the door. I instantly reach for my gun. He stalls me and points to a door. I open it and find a second staircase that leads back up. I follow the stairs and find myself in the upstairs hallway. I silently make my way to the other staircase, peeking around as Charlie comes up to the front door. He has his gun tucked behind his back.

  Seeing who it is, he glances up and motions for me to stay back. Opening the door, Jackson is standing there. My heart flutters. Stupid heart. Even after all we talked about; I can’t help but miss him and what we could have had. I tuck myself behind the wall.

  “Is she here?” He asks.

  “Who?” Charlie replies.

  “You know who, don’t play dumb. I know you are helping her.”

  “I have no idea what you are talking about.” Charlie says. Jackson gives out a frustrated sound.

  “Fine, just tell her that I kept my promise.” There is silence. I peek around and see Julia leaning on Jackson. I hide my gasp at the sight of Julia. Her face is covered in bruises and blood is dried from a nose bleed. She had been beat to hell.

  “What promise was that?” Charlie asks in a dry tone.

  “I told her I would watch out for her team.”

  “If this is watching out for her team, it looks like you did a pretty shitty job.” Jackson just pushes past him with Julia in tow.

  “Come on in, would you like some tea?” Charlie asks sarcastically.

  “No, but an ice pack would work.” Jackson says leading Julia towards the kitchen.

  I squat down as they move past. I make my way to the back staircase. I stay at the top of the stairs, afraid to make any more noises.

  “What happened to her?” I hear Charlie ask.

  “I had been keeping her from Kilson as much as I could. I would assign her on different teams and missions, but today while in training and while I was at tonight’s mission, they took her. They beat her trying to get any information on Sparks. They thought since she was her best friend that she would know something.” I can hear the anger in Jackson’s voice. I hang my head in shame. She was hurt because of me. I thought I was protecting them.

  Jackson’s voice softens, “the worst part…the person that tortured her was her own mother.” I let out a soft cry.

  Suddenly, there is silence and then I hear Charlie say loudly, “Hey, where are you going?” I scramble from my hiding spot and run into the first room I find. It is Charlie’s bedroom and luckily his closet is big. I climb in there. I hear footsteps down the hall. I spread dirty laundry on top of me. Soooo gross! The closet door opens. The light comes on. I hold my breath. Then the light goes out.

  “What do you think you are doing?” Charlie asks with indignation.

  “I thought I heard something.”

  “Dude, she is not here. I don’t know where she is.” They move out into the bedroom.

  “Okay. I’m…I’m just worried about her. We didn’t exactly part on good terms.”

  Charlie ignores him. “First off, I
don’t give two shits about your love life. Second, what am I supposed to do with the girl downstairs? Third, how did you find me?”

  “I don’t know where else to take her. Boots apartment is being used to guard Sparks safe house. I need to get ahold of her, there is something I need to tell her in person. Max… I found out that he was the one that pulled the trigger. He was the agent assigned to the assassination.”

  I bite down on my hand to prevent the anguish cry. Max! My own teammate. Someone I thought cared about me. Max killed my father. How could he?

  The tears run down my face. I can’t believe how much I have cried in the last twenty-four hours. I never cry, but everything is becoming too much. Apparently, I made a sound because the next thing I know I hear Charlie yell.

  “Hey, stop!”

  But it is too late; Jackson pulls me from the dirty clothes. I just go limp in his arms, letting out heart wrenching sobs. He caresses my head.

  “Shhh. I’m so sorry. I wanted to be the one to tell you.” I breathe in his cologne and the comfort of his arms. It feels like home. When I open my eyes, I see Charlie standing in his room, looking at us. He gives me a sad look and walks away. Jackson pulls back from me.

  “Julia is downstairs.” He says, drying my tears with his thumb.

  “I know. I heard the whole thing.”

  “I know you did. I always know when you are near.” I give out a little snort.

  “Hey, I’m serious; remember who taught you how to hide. We played hide and seek non-stop for a year.” He leans in and kisses me softly on the head. I have a sudden flash of their engagement picture and I pull away. He let’s go of me.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” He pulls away from me completely. I ignore the feeling of loss.

  “No, you shouldn’t. Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to check on Julia. Since it is apparent that everyone will know where I’m at, I will be moving on soon.” I push past him, into the bedroom.