Rehab Blues

by Adrian Laing

  Betty was being held up, literally, by Huck and Davy and looked as if she had been to hell and back but still had a bucket load of spirit to show off. “We’re not finished yet, guys. You’ve stayed with me and I’m staying with Cheryl, until the end, the very end. JC, how far has Cheryl to go, I mean from here?”

  JC looked at his watch and looked at Cheryl who was still on her feet but looking as if she was about to collapse.

  “We’ve got another couple of circuits to do, then we’re done,” said JC having abandoned some time ago any sense of precision.

  “OK, Cheryl, come here.” Betty placed her arm around Cheryl and signalled to Huck and Davy. The four of them formed a line: Huck, Betty, Cheryl and Davy holding each other up as if they were a four man team completing the last hundred metres of a three month race to the North Pole.

  “OK,” said Betty, “twice more round this little circuit and then we’re done. OK Cheryl?”

  Cheryl looked over to Betty with tears in her eyes. “Thanks, Betty. Yep, twice more round this little circuit, and I’m finished, over and out.”

  ***

  “Now, pay attention everyone. This is another great day in the annals of The Place. Cheryl Smith has been with us for a very short period of time, but I have to say Cheryl has proven to be one of our great success stories.” Helen looked around at the smiling faces of the small group who only the day before had completed a very demanding and physical task.

  “We’ve seen Cheryl change in front of our own eyes. Everyone who comes here does so for very different reasons. I know the real reason Cheryl came here was to rediscover her good side; her loving and caring side. This she has achieved with flying colours. Cheryl, please come forward and accept your leaving gift. A special former guest of The Place has come a long way to present this to you, Cheryl.”

  As Cheryl came forward, from inside the French windows which led to the patio area of The Place appeared Tracy, looking very relaxed and happy, holding a large, heavily wrapped present.

  Tracy stood beside Helen and spoke clearly, and with affection. “Cheryl, I’ve heard about your stay here, within the boundaries of the ‘Darcy Rule’, I should add.” Tracy looked over to Cheryl and smiled, as if Cheryl and Tracy now had a new, shared language.

  Tracy held out the large present. “Cheryl, Helen has agreed I can give this to you.”

  Cheryl stepped up and took the present from Tracy and carefully took off the wrapping paper to reveal a large, cuddly toy – a beautiful pink baby elephant with big ears, wide eyes and a great smile.

  “That looks a lot like Dumbo to me, Tracy,” said Cheryl as the group clapped and cheered.

  Cheryl turned towards Tracy and spoke just loud enough for the group to hear what she had to say. “Tracy, I’m so sorry for what I’ve done in the past. I can’t tell you how sorry I am, Tracy, I really am.”

  “Oh, Cheryl, it’s me who should apologise to you. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I don’t want to hurt you, Cheryl, you’re my little sister and always will be.”

  Cheryl and Tracy hugged, as sisters, like they used to, many years ago, and sobbed gently on each other’s shoulders. The little crowd loved that bit.

  “Can we start over, Tracy? I mean can we be friends again? You know, sisters again?”

  Tracy held Cheryl’s hands and looked into her sister’s eyes.

  “We’ll always be sisters, Cheryl. Nothing’s going to come between us. I know we’ve always competed for the same guy, always. I guess in the past it didn’t matter. We both knew what the score was. With Martin it was different. I knew I shouldn’t have stolen him from you; it was so wrong, so deliberate. But it would kill me to have to choose between two people I love so much. If Martin can stop playing away and we can stay friends, I’d be the happiest WAG in the world. I do love you so much Cheryl.”

  Cheryl gave Tracy an awkward smile who laughed, wiping a tear away.

  Tracy turned to the group. “I know where my love lives and it’s with my family, my sister, Cheryl, my mum and my little daughter, and my husband. Helen, I can’t thank you enough. I’ve seen my life so much clearer since I’ve been here. Thank you. Thank all of you.”

  Cheryl held her sister tight and whispered in her ear. “Tracy, I’m so glad we’ve made up. Dad would have been so proud of us, Tracy, so proud.”

  17

  David, Helen and JC sat in their favourite seats in David’s office for a moment of reflection. A normal business might have called it a board meeting, but The Place was no ordinary business.

  “Are we sure we’re not going to be disturbed?” David wanted to be one hundred per cent sure that it was safe to open his laptop and display the six screens each showing the guests in their rooms under strict orders or ‘guidance’ as Helen called it to study one of a number of books the guests had each been required to read. They knew it wouldn’t last for more than an hour or so.

  Each guest had been given a newly released e-book reader that could hold hundreds of titles and had access to many thousands more. Each room was wired up to be a wi-fi ‘hot spot’ but that facility could be turned off as and when the unholy Trinity considered access to the internet to be an unnecessary distraction. For a couple of hours every so often the guests would be required to sit quietly in their rooms having access only to the material already stored on the device and were expected to read an agreed title without any interruption.

  David checked and checked again that each guest was holding the device, at least pretending to read the text on the small screen.

  David kept open the laptop but looked up at Helen and JC. “I think we’re OK. Now, let’s get this Huck issue cleared up. JC, it’s worrying me son that you’re not really OK with Huck. Am I right, or what?”

  JC looked and sounded quite relaxed. “Yeah, I’m OK with the ‘Huck thing’. I can see that he can add something. I guess there are a lot of guys – or ladies – out there who are equally capable of providing what Huck can provide, so I’m not too excited about it. I’m not as intuitive as Helen; I can’t really fathom him, to be honest. I don’t know where he’s coming from and I sure as hell don’t know where he’s going. Most of our guests end up here following a crisis that has already happened – like with Richard’s cry for help. But Huck booked himself in some time in advance. I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not. And I didn’t really like him persuading Helen to get me to take the jogging session – I thought you’d take that one, dad. It seemed a bit manipulative to me. Why didn’t he talk to me first? The session did teach me a couple of things I suppose. I just don’t know whether Huck really wanted me to succeed or fail – you know what I mean?”

  Helen and David knew there was a lot at stake here and it had always been agreed that come what may, the unity of the Trinity would never be jeopardised by a guest.

  “OK,” said David. “Let’s give Huck a test. My feeling is that he’s a good guy, really. But I suppose you’re right that we should test out that theory. We’re good at that sort of thing aren’t we? I mean that’s what we do, isn’t it?”

  “A test?” asked Helen. “What sort of test did you have in mind, David?”

  “Well, I’m not entirely sure. I mean it’s got to be something that JC feels – you know – comfortable with. What do you think JC?”

  David turned around JC’s laptop and took a long look at Huck sitting on his bed next to Davy, both of them apparently engrossed in reading from their e-book readers.

  “I’ll think of something, dad. You know there’s a lot of really good, talented martial arts teachers out there.” JC paused as if a wicked thought had just entered his mind and then changed the subject, quickly.

  “What is that Davy guy reading by the way? I mean he looks so into it, totally engrossed. I wouldn’t have imagined Davy reading anything too heavy.”

  Helen smiled one of her knowing, mischievous smiles. “You k
now, shortly after Davy first arrived he and I had a chat about books, literature and what he used to read. I wasn’t going to get him to read anything heavy – like Shakespeare or Dickens, anything like that. He had to pick up from where he left off, and progress from there. I asked him what book he could remember reading, no matter how long ago, that he actually enjoyed.”

  “And what was that, Helen pray tell?” David had one or two books he would have bet on.

  “JC, do you want to have a guess what Davy Crockett is so avidly reading, right now?”

  “Haven’t got a clue Helen. Not a clue.”

  “OK, I’ll tell you. Aesop’s Fables. His teacher in Jamaica used to read it to his class when he was a little boy. He told me he could remember enjoying the stories and loved to hear his teacher read. But he couldn’t remember any one of the stories, not one.”

  Helen turned the laptop towards her. “Now, look at the face of that man. He’s as happy as a seven year old on a Friday afternoon being read a story by his favourite teacher just before he heads off to play and sing. That’s a picture of happiness, of innocence. Now that’s what I call therapy. A work of art, in economic form.”

  Helen positioned the laptop so all three of them could see the small screen. “Can you turn the sound up, just from that one screen, thanks?” asked David.

  “Sure, JC listen.” David, JC and Helen strained their ears to hear the soundtrack being played in the room. “What is that again, Helen, it sounds sort of familiar?”

  “It’s that big Hawaiian guy, Helen, Israel what’s-his-name singing ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ isn’t that great?” said David.

  Helen remembered the Spotlight session when Davy had sang his band’s own reggae version of ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ and smiled. “His name,” said Helen in a slightly exaggerated authoritarian manner, “was Israel Kamakawiwo’ole, he was only thirty-eight when died. He was over six feet in height but he weighed over fifty stones. I find it so sad, so… avoidable.”

  “Maybe it’s just the song that kills them,” said David, thinking out loud. “Think about it, Israel Kawa… Kawa… you know, Eva Cassidy, Judy Garland… Doris Day…”

  “Doris Day? What are you on, dad?” JC appeared genuinely concerned for his dad and looked closely at his dad’s ever-thinning grey hair.

  Helen was just about to place the lid down on the laptop but stopped. It was JC who managed to speak first. “What’s Davy doing now? Look he’s lighting up a joint. Bit cheeky.” Helen and David had not told JC that they were ahead of him on that one.

  “Don’t worry, JC,” said Helen, “I gave him those; four a day he’s allowed, left under his pillow during the day at some strategic moment. The tooth fairy cometh, brother, oh yes. Our Mr. Crockett hasn’t even noticed that he’s smoking some harmless stuff that smells like London skunk but has no – you know – active ingredient. He may as well be smoking grass from the garden outside. It’s nothing more than a placebo and he can’t tell the difference. Pretty neat, eh?”

  “Helen,” said JC, “you never cease to surprise me.”

  “Absolute classic, brother,” said David. “Classic.”

  JC suddenly had a thought, a very disturbing thought.

  “Er, dad, if we can access this as we are doing now, how secure is it?”

  “How do you mean, JC?”

  “I mean, what do you need to do to have access to these images? Don’t tell me it’s like just a matter of knowing our security code for the wireless connection?”

  David paused for a moment, as if the same thought that had entered JC’s mind had been transferred to David.

  “I get it, JC,” said David going bright red.

  “So do I,” said Helen.

  ***

  “Today, we’ve organised for you a very special session with a very special guest.” David stood beside a disarmingly beautiful and athletic, swishy ponytailed young lady who nobody recognised but nonetheless seemed vaguely familiar.

  The group didn’t quite know what to expect but the fact that the Encounter Area resembled a keep fit class with padded mats placed in the middle of the floor indicated that some form of exercise was on the cards.

  “This lovely lady is Metti Wati, a highly skilled martial artist and a professional stunt lady who often acts as a double for movie and television stars.”

  Young Metti stepped in the centre of the mats and without warning completed a worryingly high back flip and landed in a fighting stance, followed by a wry smile and a group “Hi, everyone”.

  Betty held Toni’s hand as if she was about to fall over, whilst Toni tried to stop himself from scratching his arse. On this occasion Betty decided it might be best to make no comment or snide remark, none whatsoever. Metti was hot, by all standards. Maybe she was Malaysian, or from Brazil or even Peckham, it didn’t matter; Metti was gorgeous in any language.

  Mandy and Davy both stood rooted to the spot as if they had been turned to stone, while Huck stepped forward and bowed to Metti, his hands pressed firmly against each other as if in prayer and then Huck took a step back and adopted a martial arts ‘ready stance’, fists clenched pointing towards each other in front of his groin, his legs slightly apart.

  Metti nodded to Huck and smiled as if they already had shared a secret. JC continued. “Metti will be staying just for a day or two, that’s right isn’t it, Metti?”

  Metti surveyed the startled faces and smiled serenely, pretending not to notice JC’s school boy oogling at Metti’s perfect form.

  “Now,” said David, “let me explain. Metti, as with you all, is on her own special journey and has asked to take a session. It’s not the usual course for us to take at The Place but Metti is no ordinary guest. I mean not that any of you are ordinary, but you know what I mean. OK? What I’m trying to say is that if you’ve ever seen a high octane fight fest in any one of the big movies in the last couple of years, it’s probably Metti you’ve seen doing all the really dangerous stunts.”

  “Wow,” said Toni a bit too loudly, thinking of one of many steamy sex scenes that were coming into his mind at a rate of knots.

  David looked at Huck. “We’ve been thinking about introducing some basic martial arts into The Place for some time now, so this is as good as an excuse as any to get started. I’ll stay for a few minutes until you get going and then I’ll be back later, towards the end of the session to see how you all get on.”

  Metti gestured to the group to sit in a wide circle while she stood in the middle and without introduction started what looked to Betty, Mandy and Toni like an elaborate ballet dance of some description, but Huck and even Davy recognised Metti’s movements as a sophisticated series of extremely precise interwoven martial art moves.

  After a couple of minutes, Metti came to a very deliberate halt in the precise pose in which she had started, which brought about instantaneous applause from the group.

  Metti spoke very softly. “Thank you, that’s very kind of you. Well, I guess I’m not going to turn you all into martial artists in one session but we could go through some moves and maybe have some fun while were at it. How does that sound?”

  The group nodded with apparent enthusiasm with the exception of Betty who feared the worst.

  “It’s OK, Betty. I can see you’re worried as if this is not quite your thing. I was a big girl when I was younger. In fact it was martial arts training that made me lose weight. So, don’t you worry, Betty. I know where you’re coming from. Will you trust me?”

  Betty didn’t quite look convinced but was flattered and impressed that Metti spoke to her so personally.

  Metti looked around the group. “OK, Toni. I’m a great admirer of your music Toni. I really am.”

  Toni felt himself blush but was already dreading the next line which he knew was coming.

  “OK, Toni. Lie on your back. I’m going to hold you down and you’re going
to try and get free. Is that OK?”

  Toni considered his options for about a second, and was suddenly on his back in the middle of the floor. Metti spread herself without any inhibition over Toni, her groin dangerously close to his face and her arms wrapped around his legs.

  “OK, get out of this,” instructed Metti.

  Toni looked ahead at the groin in front of him and lay still.

  “When you’re ready, Toni,” said Metti politely.

  “Er, I’m OK, really.” Toni had suddenly found himself in a heavenly space and couldn’t think of any reason to change the situation.

  “Try and get out of the hold, Toni,” said Metti with a trace of impatience.

  “Er, I’m thinking about my options, Metti. I’m thinking hard.”

  Betty and Mandy tried to hold back a giggle, and Davy was practically bursting with impatience to have a go. “Hell brother if you ain’t going make a move, I’ll have a go.” Davy was practically drooling with the prospect of Metti’s legs wrapped around his face.

  Metti stood up and pulled Toni up by his arm. “OK, Toni. My goodness, you’re a very naughty boy. I guess I know why you’re in here.” Metti playfully pushed Toni back to the others.

  “OK, Davy, Davy Crockett. I have partied to your sounds till dawn; you’re one of my family’s all time favourites. Now come over here.” Metti had quickly taken stock of this group.

  “Now stand still, Davy. Just put your arms by your side. I’m going to come at you from behind.” Metti waited until Davy and Toni shared a little school boy snigger between them. “I’m going to put you in a hold and you’re going to try and get free. That’s not going to be difficult for a big strong man like you Davy Crockett, is it?”

  Metti wrapped her arms around Davy who struggled gamely with some genuine effort to free himself but couldn’t.

  “OK, now you do the same to me.” Metti turned around and waited for Davy’s arms to wrap around her, which they did, a bit too slowly and loosely, like a friendly hug.