The Relic Box Set

by Ben Zackheim

  “Right about now?” I said, looking at Rebel.

  “Yeah, right about now,” Rebel said, nodding.

  “Fuck, you two, when will you get it through your heads that you need to let me know about these things immediately?”

  “We’ve been a little busy tonight, old man,” I said.

  “Viking ghosts, eternal falls, monster cats at the gates of hell.”

  “So you have the hammer?” Skyler asked. He looked human. He looked hungry for the answer.

  “No,” I said.

  “No, meaning what?”

  “No, meaning the opposite of yes,” I said.

  “Okay. Then who has it?”

  “Your people,” Rebel said.

  In the chaos of the moment, my vision suddenly went haywire. I couldn’t get a good read on anyone.

  The room was swimming around me.

  Rebel’s sudden move to stop me from falling painted a wave of images in my head that made me sick to my stomach. I had to close my eyes to keep my drinks down.

  “What’s wrong, Kane?” Rebel asked. “What the hell…”

  I felt my body lift off the ground, as if the air around me had decided to become an elevator.

  “Who’s casting that spell?” I yelled down, keeping my eyes closed.

  “I think it’s me!” Rebel yelled back.

  “You think? Why don’t you think about stopping?”

  “I can’t control it. Hold on.”

  “To what?” I yelled floating toward the ceiling.

  “Just give me a second!”

  I opened my eyes and was relieved to find that my vision had returned to normal. Rebel was looking around for a clue, any clue that could tell us what was going on.

  “Why did you close your eyes like that, Kane?”

  “The Lines were too intense. All I could see were all of the possibilities all around me.” The Lines are what I see when we’re in a fight. I can see trajectories, possibilities, opportunities. It’s like the lines that a billiards player can spot on the felt when they prep for a trick shot.

  “Back away from the twins, Rebel,” Skyler said.

  “Yeah, I think you’re right,” she said as she backed up.

  I fell and slammed to the tile floor. Hurt like hell.

  “Thanks, Rebel,” I managed to say through the dancing lights.

  She looked at the twins. “Our powers. They were enhanced.”

  “The twins,” I said.

  “The alcohol must have triggered a change of some kind. Skyler have you ever seen this before?”

  “I’ve seen relics that enhance power, but not people.”

  “Are you calling us relics?” Cassidy said. The glow from under his skin turned slightly yellow as his anger grew.

  “Saying nothing of the sort, boy, settle down.”

  We heard sirens in the near distance. Skyler’s eyes met mine and I knew what had to happen next.

  “Get us out of here,” I said.

  We followed Skyler through the kitchen and out the back.

  Chapter 14

  My hotel room was top-notch. But it was a little stuffy with six of us in it.

  We’d all dropped on the softest surface we could find. It was one of those moments when everyone just needs to shut up and collect their thoughts.

  “How’s my Swap Portal?” Skyler asked. “I miss that power.” He’d given it to me when he was on death’s door in Tibet. It was one of two unique spells known as the Solos. The other spell was the ability to carry a Vault Portal around with you anywhere. Yeah, that was mine too.

  “You’re not getting it back, so just forget it,” I said.

  “I’m undead now. I couldn’t use it if I wanted to.”

  “You could take it from me just so I didn’t have it anymore.”

  “Ah, you do know me well, Kane.”

  I turned to the twins. “Cassidy, please help Rose to her room and stay with her.”

  Their room was right across the hall. I could tell Cassidy didn’t want to be left out of the discussion but he also knew there was no use fighting me on it.

  We sat at a round table. The old polished wood shone in the firelight from the hearth. The walls were lined with old tomes. They were there for show. But I’d cracked them open anyway. Skyler had taught us that we should open decoration books because that’s where wizards enjoyed hiding some of the most powerful spells in the world. Hidden in plain sight, he said. He also advised we read through the motel Bibles every chance we got. He claimed to have found the location of the Holy Grail in a King James edition in Albuquerque’s Holiday Inn.

  “What would vampires want with Mjölnir?” Coleslaw asked.

  Skyler looked at him like he was an idiot. “What would power hungry creatures who want to rule the world with an iron fist do with a Viking God’s hammer of raw destruction? Hm, couldn’t say.”

  “But they’re already so powerful,” the Traveler said. “Do they need it to take over?”

  Skyler’s face soured. “We have a long way to go before we have the leverage to take out the dominant species on the planet.”

  “Pardon me for asking,” Coleslaw said. “But aren’t you a vampire? Why would you work with us to help humanity?”

  We all looked at him. The question crossed our minds all the time. He hadn’t guided us wrong since becoming a vampire. We were willing to hold our tongues until he showed signs of betraying us.

  So far, so good.

  “Habit,” he said with a shrug. But it came out more like a question.

  “I’m feeling the love,” I said.

  “Yeah, well done, Skyler,” Rebel said. “Really confident in you now.”

  He winked as if that would make us feel better. It didn’t.

  It wasn’t the right time to get into it. I’d extract a real answer when I was alone with him.

  “Listen, the vampires want to consolidate power,” Skyler said. “I don’t have any more insight into what the overall plan is or how they want to get there. I think they’re winging it. Trying to find the best way to strike. They had free reign a thousand years ago and they snagged every bit of power, natural and supernatural, before they slept.”

  “So you’re saying they’re overwhelmed by their options?” Rebel asked.

  “That, or they don’t remember everything they buried. You know all this, Rebel.”

  “Yeah, but every time we go on a mission I see things differently.”

  “My little girl is growing up,” Skyler said. He’d said the same thing a million times before. But that time felt forced. There was no emotion in it. It was the first time I felt like maybe we had indeed lost our teacher back in Tibet. Maybe this guy standing here was a shell of the man who had trained us.

  Rebel caught me looking at her. She glanced away. I suspected she felt the same way.

  “How splintered are the vampires?” Coleslaw asked. “Are there any groups inside the power structure who would work with us?” I wasn’t sure where the Traveler’s newfound energy to help us came from. But I liked his questions so I didn’t interrupt.

  “Besides me and Fox, not that I know of. I have my ears to the ground, though. If we find anyone I will let you know. I promise.”

  “What can the hammer do?” I asked Coleslaw. “Don’t give me the standard crap. I want its secrets.”

  Coleslaw rubbed his face until his sad eyes focused a bit. “Let’s see. The hammer is powerful. Thor last used it, oh, about 1200 years ago. Against the vampires. On a bad day it could raze a forest. But it can crack mountains in two if it’s brought down with anger or justice.”

  “Mortal justice? God justice?”

  Coleslaw shrugged. “Whichever justice Thor felt hardest at the moment.”

  “So it is magic,” I said.

  “No,” all three said at the same time.

  “A power that’s tied to intent? Big explosions from a hammer? Come on.”

  “It’s God stuff,” Skyler said.

  “Yeah, so
I’ve heard. Is there any way we can use magic to disrupt it? Or even track it down?”

  Skyler and Rebel thought about it. They both shook their heads.

  “My guess is that they’d use their anger with the hammer,” Rebel said.

  “Not necessarily,” I said. “They think the planet is theirs. Their sense of justice would probably have us all killed.”

  “How much power are we talking about here?” Rebel asked. “Could it crack a mountian in two?”

  “In the right hands I don’t think it has any limits,” Skyler said. “Which is the good news.”

  “How the hell is that good news, Skyler?” I asked.

  “Because they need to find the right hands. Not just anyone can use the hammer of Thor. It has to be someone of honor and worthy of the weapon. According to myth only Thor or his friend Baldr could ever get the thing to do anything more than hit someone on the head.”

  “Honorable? That doesn’t sound like any vampire I know,” I said.

  “Reminds me of Fox,” Rebel said.

  “Everything reminds you of Fox,” I said back.

  “She’s right. And if we already know one vampire who’s a contender then you can be sure they’ll have plenty of Vamps to choose from.”

  “Where does that leave us then?” Coleslaw asked.

  The silence lasted a little too long. I don’t like silence. Silence is stagnation. Silence is doubt.

  “We take a guess,” I said.

  Everyone looked at me with varying degrees of distaste, except Rebel who had her eyes closed as she shook her head.

  “A guess? Really?” Skyler said. “This is why they pay you the big bucks.”

  “An educated guess,” I said with a little more defensiveness in it than I wanted. “And you know I don’t get paid, Skyler.”

  “His folks left him billions,” Skyler fake-whispered to Coleslaw.

  “That’s not true,” I said. But Rebel’s stare shot through me. “One billion. Not billions.”

  “I think it all becomes a blur after like 847 million, wouldn’t you say, Kane?” Skyler prodded.

  “I keep telling him he could give it to charity,” Rebel said.

  Skyler smacked his palms together. Loud as a firecracker. He did that when he had an idea.

  “Charity!”

  “I give plenty to charity,” I said.

  “No, you jackass,” Skyler yelled. “Charity! The gala is at the Metropolitan Museum tonight!”

  “So what?”

  “So it’ll be packed with vampires.”

  “You mean they’ve worked their way that far up the New York social scene?” I asked.

  “No way would the elites invite them,” Rebel said.

  Skyler threw his arms up. “Invited? They’re sponsoring it!”

  “Is there anything else you want to tell us?” I asked.

  “I’m hungry for bunny blood,” he answered.

  “Get out,” I said back. “Go check on the twins.”

  “Fine, grumpy man. Grab a suit. You grab a dress, Rebel. Get yourselves together and head out.” He checked his watch. An essential part of every vampire’s wardrobe with sunrise and all that. “The party starts in three hours.”

  He slammed the door behind him.

  “I hate that man,” I said.

  Coleslaw shrugged. “I think he’s very fond of you.” He took a sip of tea and hid from my glare behind his steaming cup.

  Chapter 15

  I didn’t feel bad about swapping places with someone in New York City.

  After Rebel and I did some clothes shopping in Iceland we stacked a pile of cash on my room’s table. I wrote a note explaining that the hotel was paid for for the week, the cash was theirs and they could go crazy with the condiments and room service. Was I positive that we’d swap with a couple? No, but I was sure Skyler would let me know who our victims were.

  Rebel was decked out in a red dress that matched her red hair and green eyes. She looked amazing but she was as exhausted as I was. We needed rest. We were headed into a dangerous situation with the deck stacked against us for a questionable purpose. Another Tuesday in other words. But there was something sad about the fact that even when we were going to a classy ball thing we wouldn’t have time to relax. I mean I’m no party guy. I’d rather be with my friends, some booze and fast machines, but as we stood there, decked out to the nines, we both knew our lives kind of sucked.

  “You ready?” I asked.

  “Yeah. You?”

  “Vacation,” I said simply.

  “Yeah, after this job. Definitely. Where do you want to go?”

  “Italy.” I knew exactly the villa I’d rent too. And if the owner was occupying it, I’d buy it from her. I loved that place. “You?”

  “Well, I would have said Iceland before this visit. Maybe I’ll go to Spain.”

  “Good choice.”

  We both took a deep breath. My Glocks were tucked away nicely. Rebel clacked her killer fingernails together.

  “Let’s do this,” I said as we stepped through the portal and onto Fifth Avenue.

  Into the rain.

  “Godammit, Kane,” Rebel said as the portal closed behind us.

  “What? I’m not the weatherman!”

  She was already running by the time I finished my sentence. She moved in high heels like they were sneakers. The Metropolitan Museum loomed over us like the head of a stone giant. I’d always loved that building. If there was a zombie apocalypse one day I was determined to lay claim to it as my fortress. Tough to protect but worth it for the Egyptian wing alone.

  I broke through a line of paparazzi gathered by the red carpet. A brunette, with eyes as big as her skirt was small, covered me with an umbrella.

  “My hero,” I said as we walked up the steps.

  “My pleasure,” she said, smiling back.

  “This is your job, isn’t it?” It dawned on me that she was a chaperone for the ball.

  “Make me your date and I’ll quit.”

  “Unfortunately I have a date already,” I said.

  “Oh, you’re a real charmer,” Rebel said from behind me. Her left shoe heel had broken off and she’d fallen in a puddle or seven from the looks of it. She snatched the umbrella out of my new friend’s hands and handed it to me. I held it over Rebel’s grouchy head and looked over my shoulder with my best apologetic grimace.

  “What happened to you? Did you…”

  “Say another word and your pants will be in two pieces,” Rebel growled.

  I had no idea what that meant in the practical sense but concluded that it was best if I didn’t say another word.

  We shuffled into the main hall and enjoyed the snooty stares of every billionaire within fifty feet. One guy snorted as we passed.

  “What, you’ve never seen a wet woman before?” I asked. “Of course you haven’t.”

  His face turned red and Rebel snorted. I winked at his date who smiled back.

  “Assholes,” I muttered. “This is why I don’t hang out with rich people.”

  “You’re a rich person,” Rebel said, sticking her tongue out at a gawking grandma.

  “I’m a poor person with a lot of money.”

  “That makes no sense.”

  “Because you’re not clever like I am.”

  “So your Bugatti and mansion with a pool in every room is your poor side or your rich side?”

  “No, that’s the rich side with a sense of humor.”

  “You should talk to someone about this. It doesn’t sound like you’re handling your wealth well.”

  “I could just give it all to you.”

  “On second thought, you’re handling it very well.”

  I stopped and gestured to the ladies room with an awkward bow.

  “Stop that,” she said curtly.

  I people-watched while I waited. There wasn’t much to look at unless you were into Old Money cliques with one eye peeking over their shoulders as they gossiped. And then there was the new mone
y with one eye on the phone, gossiping with their fingertips.

  Not my scene.

  Which made the woman in the long black dress and the long black hair and the long legs a nice surprise. She was alone, at least at the moment. She stepped down the stairs slowly and studied the room. I didn’t know who or what she was looking for but I could watch her search all night long. Her eyes missed mine a few times.

  And then they landed.

  She was a vampire.

  The blacks of her eyes locked me down. I couldn’t move. A smile slid out of the dark lipstick.

  I shook some of the water off my head with my hands, splashing a few of my fellow gawkers. A couple of other men and one woman were also hypnotized. That’s when I realized that she didn’t have me under any kind of supernatural spell. She was just really, really hot.

  One guy stepped in front of me to head her off and she went around him, not taking her eyes off of mine.

  Another guy stepped in front of her and she pushed him aside with one graceful wave of the back of her hand. He was lucky he stayed on his feet.

  She stopped in front of me and crossed her long arms.

  She cocked her head a little, waiting for me to say something.

  So I asked what any guy would ask, all things considered.

  “Want to dance?”

  Chapter 16

  “The music hasn’t started,” she said. Her voice was low and had a hint of an accent. German maybe. I needed more words from her. Among other things.

  “Yeah?”

  “I would like a drink, though.” Maybe she wasn’t a vampire. Vampires don’t drink alcohol.

  “Great. I’ll get you one.” Then it was time for a test. Hey, men can do it too. “Can you wait here for my date?”

  “You’re here with someone. A lover?”

  “I’d put her in the ‘fighter’ category, actually.”

  “I mean is she your lover?” French accent. Definitely.

  “No. She’s my fighter.”

  “I see.”

  “I doubt you do.”

  She smiled. It was slight and it faded as fast as it came. But I saw it. “Yes, I can tell you are a man who doesn’t like all of this.” She gestured to the room around her like it was her servant and it was being dismissed. “Is this fighter your bodyguard?”