Wrong For Me

by Meagan Brandy

  “First time you’ve been in late, roomie.” She licks her ice cream spoon, and I shove past her into the kitchen. “Snuck off, did we?”

  “Fuck you.” I throw the fridge open and grab a bottle of water.

  I go to exit, and she blocks me.

  “Did you go for some sexy time? You must be horny all the time with all the eye candy you’re surrounded by day in and day out. Kind of a whore’s job, don’t you think? Bending and flexing and rolling around on the ground with man after man.”

  I stare at her, and she smirks, mocking me even though I give her nothing. I go to step past her again, and that’s when I hear his truck coming down the road. I squeeze my eyes shut.

  I should have gone straight for my room.

  Marissa laughs. “Someone’s in trouble,” she sing-songs.

  I turn, gaping at her. She only smiles wider.

  “He’s been looking all over for you, popping back every few minutes to see if you’ve made it in yet.”

  “And you’re okay with your husband spending all his time searching for me when he could be here with you?”

  “It’s his job.” Her voice loses its pep, and her face morphs into a bitch I’ve yet to see. “Making sure you’re safe and where you belong.” She steps closer, and my spine prickles.

  How would she know that? He’d have had to share that with her. He’d have had to tell her I was nothing more than the girl he was here to babysit.

  It stings more than it should.

  “You’re the job he can’t fail, and I’m the woman he fucks, the one he’ll leave with when this is over, so count your hours with him, little Oakley, because they’re limited.” She steps back. “I’ll share for only so long.”

  Pain and anger push me forward, and her slow smirk gives me chills.

  “You think I want him? You’re wrong. If I had it my way, you both would have been gone the day you showed your fucked up face. Threaten me in my home again, and the only thing that will be limited is your range of motion, bitch. I’ve ignored you for as long as possible, but if you want to be heard, expect me to be louder.” I should shut up, but I don’t. “And, as far as Alec goes … I could have him if I wanted him. All I’d have to do was ask.”

  “Hmm.” Her lips twitch before falling flat, dead eyes digging into mine. “Perhaps.” She takes another step back and whispers, “But could you keep him?”

  My lungs tighten at her words, my ribs aching from the pressure of air fighting to get through.

  Alec storms in and around the corner. Then, he comes to a screeching halt. Literally, his steel-toed boots squeak against the tiles. His eyes slice between the two of us, and slowly, he straightens to his full height.

  And, of course, he calls to her first.

  She stares, her face completely blank until he calls her name again. This time, she twitches. Then, her face lights up, and she bounces to him, an entirely new mask in place.

  I stand there, watching as he cautiously lifts his arms out for her to step against him. His hand comes down against her back, his eyes hitting mine over her head.

  Apprehension is swimming in his stare, but the anger does well to bury it.

  After work, I headed for Havannah’s, desperate for someone to talk to, but of course, she wasn’t home and didn’t answer when I tried her cell, so I drove around for a while – anything to stay away from home.

  He doesn’t need to know that though.

  I keep my eyes locked on his, daring him to question me about my whereabouts with her in his arms.

  He doesn’t. He lets me pass them by.

  And I hate that I wish he hadn’t.

  It’s well past midnight before I brave exiting my room again. I sneak into the kitchen to grab a snack, ending up with Ritz and string cheese. Then, I decide to sit on my couch for a little while, something I haven’t done since Marissa showed up, since the day I found out my dad had died.

  It hasn’t even been that long, yet everything is different.

  Havannah has been too busy with school and whatever the hell else to take a minute to call me back. All I’ve gotten is a quick text, saying she’s so sorry and that she misses me. She didn’t even respond when I replied. Rowan hasn’t come over for our habitual movie-and-wing night. Alec and I haven’t … anything.

  I got used to having him here for simple things.

  We’d make dinner and watch TV before both quietly ending up in our own rooms, alone. Me with my thoughts and him with his own.

  Mine were always on him. Whether it was the way he’d moved in the gym or the things he’d said. Sometimes, it was simply his eyes I’d see when I closed mine. He snuck inside me quicker than I’d realized until he consumed every part of me. Then, right when he robbed me of that last little piece I had been holding on to, he dropped me in a pit, and he threw a match.

  None of it makes sense. My father trusted him, which tells me he has to be a good man.

  It’s no secret, when it comes to women, even the best of men can make the worst decisions.

  It’s a strange dynamic, one with no absolute answer.

  If a married man leaves his wife for another woman, which woman was the right one and which was the wrong? And who decides? Either way, one’s a thief, and the other is a capturer, one steals while the other holds him prisoner.

  Not that Alec is a prisoner. If she knows he was sent home to watch over me, then he trusts her enough to tell her, and the Alec I know doesn’t trust many. I guess I’ve pushed the thoughts aside, but it’s time to face the fact that she’s important to him.

  She was right; her bitch point has been proven.

  I could have him, sure … but clearly, I couldn’t keep him.

  And his body would never be enough, not when, if I’m honest, I want it all.

  I close my eyes and sink into the cushions, telling myself, eventually, everything will be okay, and not believing it for a second.

  Alec

  “How hard are you fighting yourself to stay where you are?”

  I frown at the ceiling, not turning toward Marissa, who is lying beside me.

  “Admit it,” she whispers. “You care for the pawn.”

  “I care if she slips off and disappears, yeah. With the way shit’s been, I wouldn’t put it past her to try.”

  Marissa pops up, her eyes infuriated. “You can’t fail.”

  I keep my face blank. “I know.”

  “Fix it, dear husband. The clock is ticking, and I’m ready to take you home.”

  “It’s almost over. Then, everything will be how it should be.” My eyes bounce between hers. “That’s a promise.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Oakley

  It’s Tuesday, and my fifth week back at school now. It’s getting harder to wake up in the mornings. People say things will get easier over time, but it seems, in my case, it’s the opposite. Every day drags on longer than the last. I used to live and breathe the academy, but lately, I’ve been forcing myself to do everything. My body is heavy and uncooperative, my mind overworked and understimulated.

  Two weeks ago, when Alec came in from searching for me and found Marissa and me in the kitchen, it replays in my head over and over again. It was the first time I had to visually watch him choose her.

  I haven’t spoken a word to Alec since.

  He didn’t come to me that night or the next day to ask where I had been or who I had been with. He didn’t fight me for answers he didn’t deserve but usually wanted anyway. He said nothing at all. So, I picked up on his silence and gave it right back. Only he expected to move past whatever it was that had him holding his tongue that next day by attempting a purposeless conversation, and I wasn’t interested.

  I come to work, in my own car, which he tails with his, and we walk in together, but I never say a word. He tries. Every day, he tries to get me to interact somehow, but I don’t, not even in class with our students. When we speak in there, it’s to them, not each other.

  Unfortunately, it’
s created an asshole. He yells and shouts more than ever, and demands almost unattainable perfection from the group. I don’t step in and challenge him because it seems the recruits are more than willing to reach for what he’s asking of them. It’s almost turned out to be a huge push for them.

  The last two days though, he’s seemed run-down, completely spent. Makes me sick to think of reasons that could be adding to that.

  I can’t not notice how he’s been sulking a little more lately.

  Much to my surprise, his truck is gone when I come around the front to leave for the day.

  “Headed out, sweetheart?” Hillock steps from the hall, moving to give me a small hug.

  “I am. Exhausted.” I look up at him, and he gives a small smile. “You sure you remember how to lock this place up, Uncle?” I tease.

  He shoves me toward the door. “Funny, child. Funny.”

  I laugh and look back. “You know, Uncle, you’re not even forty yet. We’re almost the same age now.”

  “That’s why I’m still single, and I mingle. Too young to settle down, just like your pops was.”

  He winks, and my nose scrunches.

  “Ew.” I laugh, and his smile turns warm.

  That’s when I realize, this is the first time it doesn’t burn to think of my dad.

  I smile back at Hillock.

  “Go on home, Oakley. I got this.”

  I turn for the parking lot, feeling a little lighter than I did when I got here today. Unfortunately, when I pull from the lot and glance in my rearview, no large truck in sight, a small pain hits my chest.

  I guess I don’t hate him following me around as much as I thought.

  This is the perfect time to run by the store while I don’t have a shadow there to question my need for the stop.

  It only takes me a few minutes, and then I’m pulling up at home, Alec’s big black truck pressed against the curb. Guess he’s not worried about blocking me in anymore.

  I grab my bags and steel my breath. Then, I make quick work of unlocking the door and plan to head straight for my room. I only make it past the entrance when Alec’s voice wraps around me from behind.

  “She’s not here.”

  I pause for a moment and then take another step forward.

  “Thought maybe, if you knew that, you wouldn’t need to rush off to hide in your room for the night.”

  I smash my lips together and keep going forward, quietly stepping into my room. I shut the door behind me, push my bags under my bed, and then drop on top of it.

  She’s not here.

  Why is she not here?

  A knock sounds on my door that has my brows jumping.

  Alec never knocks.

  I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans and move to open the door, inhaling deeply when I look up into his green eyes. Eyes that are sloped at the edges as they stare at me.

  “Come eat with me.”

  When I look to my feet, his knuckle slides under my chin, and he lifts my head. I fight back tears as he rethinks his words.

  “I made dinner. She won’t be back tonight. Come out of your room, Oakley.”

  My stomach growls right then, and the corner of his lips lifts slightly.

  I pull away from him and step around him, heading for the kitchen. Sure, I’ll eat with him. I’m starved anyway.

  When I see he’s made fajitas, I almost cry, but I hold it in and drop into the chair opposite of where he set a place for me, which was beside his. We sit and eat in complete silence, and it’s as soothing as it is devastating.

  We stand at the same time and both begin to clean the kitchen. He moves much slower than me, which makes me think he’s trying to stretch out this simple, insignificant time together.

  When his hand drops to cover mine on the counter, I snatch it away and turn for my room, but he steps up close, his hands gently grabbing on to my arms.

  “Will you just … talk to me? Please. Fuck, Oakley. I miss you.”

  “You don’t get to say that.”

  “But it’s true. I fucking miss you. I miss riding to work with you, sitting by you, talking to you. I miss your eyes. I just want—”

  “I don’t care what you want,” I whisper, tipping my head away when he tries to lay his against mine.

  “Yes, you do. You miss me, too.”

  “We live together, Alec. And we see each other every day at work.”

  “It’s not the same, and you know it.”

  “Are you fucking joking?” I jerk from his hold, spinning to face him. “Of course it’s not the same! It will never be the same! You ruined that. Not me. Go back to your room and wait for your wife.”

  “I don’t want her.”

  “Prove it!” I shout, sucking in a breath after I do. I don’t know why I said it. When he doesn’t do as I ask, it’ll hurt that much more. I clear my throat. “Right now. Call her and tell her not to come back here.”

  “I …” He trails off, dropping his head to his chest.

  “That’s what I thought.”

  His eyes snap up. “You don’t know anything.”

  “And whose fault is that, hmm? Mine for blindly trusting you when I don’t even know you?”

  His face hardens, and he does his typical Alec thing—getting into my space to unnerve me—but I’m not allowing it right now.

  “You do know me.”

  “I thought I might.”

  “You do.”

  “No, I don’t. I know the man you pretend to be. The real you is much uglier than him. Blaze are supposed to be strong and loyal and honest.” Tears fill my eyes, and he reaches for me, but I jerk away. “You’re none of those things. You don’t deserve the title, and if I had the power to take it away from you, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

  He staggers back, like I’ve slapped him.

  “You’ve failed the name, and you failed the man you said you admired. He’d hate you for this. Not for marrying—since, apparently, he knew about that—and maybe not even for lying to me, but for bringing her here after everything …” I shake my head and take a few steps back.

  “I don’t love her, Oakley.”

  My chest aches and I’m slow to turn away from him. His words are true; I can see it in the way his eyes plead with mine. I just wish that made a difference.

  Alec

  Yet again, she gives her back to me and walks away.

  And I fucking let her because what can I say? She’s not wrong.

  I let her down, let him down, and I have no idea how to right this wrong.

  Things have turned on me, and I have no clue how to set them back. All I know for sure is, I’m running out of time. Shit will hit the fan soon.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Oakley

  “Oakley!”

  My head snaps right to find Rowan less than a foot away, his face drawn tight in panic.

  “Are you okay?”

  When his wide eyes cut from my face to my hands, I follow his line of sight.

  My palms are bleeding from the rope I’ve now climbed a half-dozen times in a row.

  “I’m fine.” And I am.

  My body aches, my head’s pounding, and I’m fighting not to vomit again, but still, I need more. More of a physical push. This has gotten too easy, workouts day in and out. Teaching the recruits is fun and usually more than fulfilling, but lately, I’ve needed more. I need—holy shit!

  Blaze. I need to get out of here. Go on a job. A real job—whatever that means.

  I’m past ready.

  I hop up from the mat, almost falling as I do, and Rowan is quick to catch me.

  “I’m taking you home.”

  I shrug from his hold, and he frowns.

  “I said, I’m fine.”

  “Well, you’re not!” he shouts, gaining the attention of the students on the opposite side of the gym, he’s so loud. Gaining the attention of Alec, who slowly stands from his spotting position. “You’re not fine. You’ve been running yourself ragged the last few weeks. You
don’t talk to anyone anymore unless it’s in class. I can see you’re not sleeping, and you’re working out way too much for how little you’ve been eating. And, almost every time you work out, you throw up!”

  “What, are you keeping tabs on me?”

  “Yes!”

  Now, heavy footsteps are carrying the beast across the floor.

  “Everybody, head out back,” Alec instructs. “Three laps around the perimeter and then break early.”

  Rowan frowns his way before hitting me with his annoyed stare. “I’m worried.”

  “Don’t be.”

  “I can’t help it!” he yells, and I glance around, finding the last curious set of eyes exiting the gym. “This isn’t you.”

  “Well, who the hell am I then, huh?” I shout back, letting the blood-covered rag hit the mat. “Am I the little girl who followed you around for years, wishing you wanted me how I wanted you? Am I the young woman who let herself believe that you cared when all you wanted was to keep me from your brother? Am I your best friend who you won’t talk to the way you expect me to talk to you? Because I know you’re hiding something, Rowan.”

  He says nothing, and Alec hasn’t spoken a word, but he stands there, in my shadow, watching. Like always.

  Fuck him. Fuck them both.

  “Tell me, Row. Who am I?” I throw my arms out. “Am I the girl you wanted to love but couldn’t? Or maybe, now that I fucked your brother, I’m the girl who betrayed you. Because that’s how you felt right? Betrayed? Left behind?”

  “Oakley,” he whispers, slowly shaking his head.

  “Imagine that feeling intensified by a thousand. Lies disguised by lust. And don’t stand there looking so sad. You did me just as dirty, only differently.”

  “Can we talk somewhere else?” His eyes cut to the side, and in my peripheral, I see Alec take a half-step forward. “By ourselves.”

  “No.”

  His head rears back. “Why? What’s going on, Oakley? Why won’t you—”

  “Just stop, okay?” I scream. Lifting my hands to my temples, I take a deep breath. “I can’t handle any more useless words.”