The Women's Circle

by Karyn Sepulveda

  ‘I thought you’d have crystals and candles everywhere,’ Anna said as she studied one of the paintings. It was a swirl of different colours and Anna hoped Nina hadn’t paid too much for it; she could have painted it herself in a few minutes.

  ‘Come through to the kitchen,’ Nina ushered. ‘I do have a few crystals and candles in my room. But I’m planning on living here only for a year at the most, so I didn’t want to make it too much like my own, you know what I mean?’ Anna thought of her barren room at the boarding house and nodded. ‘Do you like toasted sandwiches?’ Nina asked, already gathering ingredients onto the clean white bench.

  ‘Sure, thanks. Can I help?’

  ‘Could you make some tea? Everything is over in that corner.’ Anna followed Nina’s directions to the other side of the kitchen and busied herself with filling the kettle and setting up two cups with green teabags.

  ‘So, how come you want to live here for only a year? It’s such a nice place.’

  Nina was placing the two sandwiches into a hot press and answered without looking up. ‘I’ve been saving for a deposit for my own place. I’m thinking I’ll move out of Sydney, hopefully somewhere close by like Wollongong. I love the beach so much, but I don’t think I’ll ever afford a place here.’

  Anna felt a pang of sadness that Nina might not always be here running the Women’s Circle. She’d never really thought about Nina having her own life. Even just watching her making sandwiches in the kitchen, instead of meditating on the cushions, was a little strange.

  ‘That sounds like a really good plan,’ Anna said, trying to sound cheerful. Nina chattered for a little while about the beachside apartments she’d seen in Wollongong and how she was almost ready to apply for a loan. When the sandwiches were ready, Anna followed Nina into the living room and placed the steaming cups of tea on a coffee table. They sat on the couch and ate and sipped their tea.

  ‘So, we’ll have our one-on-one after circle again this Friday?’ Nina asked between bites.

  ‘Yeah, thank you. I’m actually really looking forward to it. Things have been a bit full-on.’

  Nina’s eyebrows immediately creased and she leaned forward. ‘What’s been happening?’ Anna felt relief flood through her as she told Nina all about Mads and the note, loving the way Nina never broke her gaze, the way she nodded along as though she understood exactly how Anna felt. Jeanette was great to talk to, but she was always trying to get Anna to look on the bright side, which was exhausting sometimes. Talking to Nina like this reminded Anna of sitting with her mother on the couch and chatting about her day. Her mama would listen intently and ask her questions, caring deeply about what Anna had to say. But the details of the memories felt like dreams. If she focused on them too closely, they floated away. When Anna finished speaking, Nina placed her hand on Anna’s knee for just a moment.

  ‘You’ve been through so much, Anna. It’s really important that you protect yourself from other people’s energy. You’ve taken on Mads’ recovery as your own.’

  Anna shook her head. ‘No, I haven’t. I don’t even care about her.’ Even as Anna said it, she knew that wasn’t true. As much as she didn’t like Mads, she did care what happened to her. She knew Mads’ life could have been her; it probably had been her at some point in those awful years in the crack houses.

  ‘You have. You’re an empath, like me. It means you take on other people’s feelings even if you’re not trying. It’s okay though; I can help you learn to control it. Meditation will definitely help and so will circle this week. I’ll focus on energy cleansing and we’ll do a little sage ritual of ridding ourselves of others’ energies. The other ladies will love it!’

  Anna had no idea what Nina was talking about but smiled. ‘Do you think that’s why I’ve been able to see so much with the crystal? Because I’m an empath?’

  Nina placed her empty plate on the coffee table, grabbed her cup of tea and took a sip before answering. ‘I don’t know, Anna. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I don’t fully understand what is going on with the crystal. It’s just one of those crazy things that pop up during our life journeys and we have to try to figure out their meaning.’ Nina smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. ‘But we’ll keep working together with the crystal and maybe we can understand it all a little better. Maybe we’ll figure out what the lesson is.’ As she spoke, Nina’s eyes flashed with excitement and she put her cup down. ‘Actually, I’ve just had a great idea. Tonight, before you go to sleep, I want you to try something.’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘I want you to hold the crystal and set your intention to dream about Aisleen. Whatever it is you most want to know about her message, ask for it to come through your dream.’ Nina flopped backward against the cushions, grinning. ‘Yes, that’s it. It’s how we’ll get more answers.’ Anna didn’t know why Nina looked so pleased with herself; the idea seemed fairly lame to her. She’d already been dreaming about Aisleen, anyway. But she guessed she hadn’t asked for the dreams, so she could try. Anna would ask to find out what happened to Aisleen. And hopefully she would dream of her overthrowing those awful men and taking her freedom back.

  QUARRENDON VILLAGE, BUCKINGHAMSHIRE ENGLAND 1770

  Harold stood facing Aisleen and Joseph, his pompous stature and voice not dampened by his need to look up at them. ‘I saw you walking around the woods like a free man two nights ago.’ He cocked his head towards Joseph. ‘Your husband wasn’t in sight.’

  ‘I was not,’ Aisleen hissed. She admonished herself for showing her anger and tried again in a calmer voice. ‘I was at home, as I am every night.’

  Edmund shook his head and tutted. ‘Well now, Harold, have you been lying to us?’

  Harold’s face seemed to swell, his eyes bulging. He rose on his tiptoes, close enough to Aisleen’s face that she could smell his rancid breath, his pointing finger so close it almost touched her cheek. ‘You are a liar, woman! I saw you with my own eyes two nights ago. I followed you all the way to your home.’

  The Enforcers erupted into a laughter that was at odds with the heavy tension in the air. ‘I believe him. It sounds like just the kind of thing Harold would do – following a woman in the woods without taking action,’ Edmund said. The men let out another round of vicious laughter.

  Aisleen glanced at Joseph; his face was twisted in supressed rage. Aisleen signalled to him to remain quiet and forced herself to stand tall. ‘He’s the one lying. I don’t know who you saw out there, but it wasn’t me. I was at home asleep with my husband.’ And then for good measure, she added, ‘I know my place, now.’

  Edmund nodded and hushed Harold’s exasperated pleas. ‘Quiet now, Harold. Get back to the carriage, I’ve heard enough from you.’

  Harold let out a disgruntled sigh and swiftly returned to the carriage. The two other Enforcers, who had so far not uttered a word moved closer to Edmund so that they formed a semi-circle around Aisleen. Aisleen wanted to spit at them, to tell them they were delusional, evil excuses for men. She forced her eyes back down to her feet.

  ‘You know what might have happened,’ Edmund said, an amused tone to his voice. ‘Harold might have mistaken you for your sister. Yes, I can see how that could happen. Perhaps she was the one out there at night, breaking the rules? Come on, men, let’s go and speak to her instead. We’ve got the wrong woman.’

  Aisleen couldn’t stop the cry escaping her lips, imagining these disgusting men interrogating Mary, ripping her from her loving husband and home. She couldn’t risk whether they were bluffing or not. Seeming to sense what she was about to do, Joseph leaped in front of Aisleen, but Edmund gave him a sharp shove and Joseph fell to the ground.

  ‘No,’ he begged Aisleen. She turned to him and whispered that she was sorry.

  ‘What was that, woman? You’ll have to speak a little louder,’ Edmund goaded.

  Aisleen took a deep breath and lifted her eyes to the brute. ‘I was apologising to my husband for betraying him. I did leave the house two nights ago, when Josep
h was sleeping, and without his knowledge. I went for a walk in the woods to calm my nerves. I have insomnia and walking helps me.’ She turned back to Joseph. ‘I’m sorry, I should have woken you and asked for you to accompany me.’ Joseph’s face crumbled.

  ‘I told you!’ Harold’s smug face emerged from the carriage window. ‘I knew it was her, I knew it.’

  The Enforcers paid him no heed. Instead, Edmund made a flicking motion with his hand and the two other Enforcers were at once by Aisleen’s side, holding her wrists with unnecessary force. ‘How disappointing, woman. I thought you had learned your lesson long ago. Seems like you need some reminding.’

  ‘No! You can’t take her, she just went for a walk, she –’

  ‘Quiet!’ Edmund yelled, spittle forming on his lips. ‘If you say another word, we’ll bring you in as well.’ To reinforce his words, Edmund kicked Joseph in the stomach. Aisleen felt like the earth was swallowing her and a deafening roar filled her ears. The face of that unfamiliar woman again flashed in her mind – Anna – reminding Aisleen of the crystal. What had happened to the magic, the protection? Perhaps it had all been in Aisleen’s mind. She allowed herself to be thrown into the carriage, remaining on the floor, hugging her knees tightly. Just before the Enforcers left with her, Edmund called out to Joseph.

  ‘Feel free to join us for your wife’s trial. We’ll start tomorrow at noon.’

  Aisleen was assailed by memories of her previous arrest – the terror of the carriage ride away from her mother and sister, an Enforcer holding her down while Edmund violated her, threatening that if she continued to fight back he would kill her. But the Enforcers ignored her now as she thrashed about on the floor of the carriage all the way back to the prison. When the carriage stopped, Edmund grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her to her feet, then pushed her out of the carriage. A small crowd had gathered around the carriage, as it always did when there was a new arrival at the prison. Aisleen tried not to look up, but when she saw familiar shoes, she raised her head and locked eyes with Maeve. Maeve made no outward acknowledgement of Aisleen, but the intensity of her gaze told Aisleen everything she needed to know.

  Stay strong.

  Aisleen gave the smallest of nods before being dragged into an empty prison cell. The dark room held nothing except a bowl for her excrement. Just before he closed the heavy metal door, Edmund smirked at her once more. ‘Women don’t learn lessons; they never have and they never will. I’ll be seeing you later.’

  Revulsion flooded through Aisleen like thick, heavy oil. She sat with her back against the cold wall, her face in her hands. How had she ended up here again? She’d never intended to come back. She had surrendered to the new way of life, to not seeing her sister or mother again. But that crystal had changed everything. From the moment she’d found it, hope had returned to her. The hope she’d buried because of its danger.

  But what good had the gatherings with the women done for her, or for any of them? She’d still ended up here, in this cell. She would probably be killed this time. Pain tore through her chest at the thought of Mary being dragged here. She hoped that Harold had been telling the truth when he said he saw Aisleen alone. Mary had to be safe. How could Aisleen have put her sister in danger like this? All because she believed some stupid rock was magical. There was nothing magical about that crystal. It was all in her head.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  ANNA WAS THE first to arrive at the circle the following Friday evening. Brayden had sent her home a few hours early when she feigned a migraine as the reason she’d kept stuffing up orders. But the truth was that Anna couldn’t stop thinking about the horrible dreams she’d been having all week. She wished she had never followed Nina’s advice to ask what happened to Aisleen. She kept dreaming of her being dragged by her hair away from her husband and thrown in a revolting cell. And it wasn’t only in dreams that Anna saw her. She was also picturing Aisleen’s face at random moments throughout the day. It felt as though Aisleen was haunting her. What the hell kind of lesson was that? That life is unfair? Hopeless? It all felt like too much. Anna had enough to cope with, without also being caught up in the sad story of a woman she couldn’t save.

  Part of Anna was sure she was going crazy. Who knew what kind of brain damage she’d caused from all of the drugs?

  After leaving work, Anna had gone home for a couple of hours, eaten and tried to sleep. But in the end she gave up trying to fall asleep and made her way to the circle early. Nina had hugged her when she came in and asked her to help arrange the cushions and light the candles. They chatted about work and the meditation Nina was planning for the night, then Nina asked Anna the question Anna had been waiting to answer.

  ‘So, did you set your intention with the crystal? Have you had any dreams?’

  Before Anna could answer, a couple of women began arriving, filling the space with their greetings. Nina welcomed them warmly, then she whispered to Anna that they would talk afterwards. Anna decided that would be better anyway. She had a lot to explain about her dreams. She even felt like she might be ready to tell Nina more about her history with drugs. She hoped Nina could assure her that this crystal stuff didn’t have anything to do with her drug use.

  Anna sat with her legs crossed and her back straightened on her usual cushion, smiling at the lady next to her. She breathed deeply, but just before she closed her eyes, she heard a familiar voice from the doorway. Jeanette. She was hugging Nina, talking to her as though she knew her. Then she took off her shoes, looked around and grinned when she spotted Anna. As Jeanette trotted over, Anna had the bizarre sensation of her worlds colliding. Jeanette looked so out of place here. But before Anna could get her head around it, Jeanette was leaning down to kiss Anna’s cheek.

  ‘Anna! I thought I’d join in today. You made the circle sound so great, I’ve just got to try it.’

  ‘Oh. Hi.’ Anna tried to make her smile seem genuine. But she didn’t want Jeanette here. This place had become a sanctuary and she didn’t want anyone tying her to the boarding house here. ‘Do you, um, do you know Nina?’ Anna asked, wondering if Jeanette was just that friendly to everyone.

  ‘I do, I met her a long time ago.’ Jeanette brushed away the question with a wave of her hand. ‘Anyway, doesn’t it smell amazing in here! And the music is so lovely, I feel like I could fall asleep right now.’ Jeanette giggled and before Anna could ask her any more about her connection with Nina, Nina sounded the bowl and everyone sat up to attention.

  Anna couldn’t see a single thing in the vast emptiness she was in, not even her own body. She was nowhere and she was nothing. But it didn’t feel awful or lonely. It felt comfortable and like a place she had been before. Somewhere, she knew there was music playing and Nina was talking softly, but she wasn’t part of it. She was here in this quiet space, where she didn’t need to think about anything.

  At the sound of the brass bowl Anna’s eyes shot open and she felt disappointed to be back in the room. As the women roused themselves from their deep meditation, Nina wished them all a wonderful week ahead and asked them to take note of how they felt over the next few days and whether they noticed a difference after the energy cleanse.

  Anna stood up slowly, smiling and nodding as Jeanette explained how the meditation had been the most peaceful experience she’d ever had and she wanted to hire Nina to put her to sleep every night. Anna tried to laugh along, but she felt completely spent, like she’d slept for way too long and couldn’t quite wake up properly. As the room started to empty, Anna realised Jeanette wasn’t leaving without her, so she resigned herself to the fact she wouldn’t have her extra session with Nina tonight and talk about her dreams. She slipped her shoes on and hugged Nina goodbye.

  ‘We’ll talk next week instead?’ Nina asked, sensing Anna’s discomfort with Jeanette there. Anna nodded and watched as Jeanette hugged her.

  ‘I’m so glad you finally came along,’ Nina said, rubbing Jeanette’s shoulder.

  ‘I wish I’d come sooner. It w
as amazing, you’re amazing.’

  Anna froze. The way Jeanette spoke to Nina was too familiar. Jeanette was proud of her, she was putting her on a pedestal, just like she did to Anna and the other girls in the boarding house.

  ‘How do you know each other?’ Anna asked. Nina and Jeanette took too long to answer. But Anna already knew. She turned to Jeanette. ‘You set this up?’ And then to Nina, ‘I’m a charity case for you as well, is that it?’

  Nina reached out and placed her hand on Anna’s shoulder, but Anna shrugged it away. Nina and Jeanette shared another look and Nina cleared her throat. ‘Anna, you’re not a charity case. I’ve known Jeanette for a long time and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that, but you finding me, finding this place – that wasn’t set up, that was fate.’

  Anna scoffed. ‘Yeah, okay. As if I can believe anything you say now.’ She turned back to Jeanette, not sure which woman she was more hurt by. ‘If it wasn’t set up, why didn’t you tell me you knew Nina when I showed you the flyer?’ Anna’s whole body was trembling. She hadn’t felt this let down by anybody in a long time. She realised it was because it had been even longer since she had trusted anyone like she had trusted these two women.

  Jeanette’s cheeks flushed. ‘Anna, I’m sorry, I should have. I just wanted this to be your own thing. I was so excited that you found it by yourself and … I’m sorry.’

  Anna shook her head, looking from one to the other. ‘Why did you come here tonight then?’

  Jeanette shrugged and tried to laugh. ‘You made it sound so relaxing and wonderful; I guess I wanted to try it out too. My life isn’t always easy, either.’ Sadness flashed through Jeanette’s eyes and Anna felt her new-found steadiness in the world crumbling. Of course Jeanette’s life wasn’t perfect. Her job was dealing with junkie felons. Like Anna. And, she supposed, like Nina.